Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I'm 30-something suffering from the sort of burnout that really makes me think I might be on the autistic spectrum.
When I was 16 I took a dyslexia test and the psychologist just stopped shy of diagnosing me with a non-verbal learning disability (NVLD). She found a big difference between my verbal and performance IQ but basically said I was so high functioning that I didn't really need many accommodations.
I thought that was that and that I was basically OK. I've always known I was different to other people but I've generally found my own ways to cope. Recently, however, I have been feeling increasingly burnout at work and unhappy. It occurs to me that the dyslexia test focused on my IQ/learning ability and not the other areas of my psychology. I do a lot of weird things that are a bit autistic-y, if that makes sense. My Mum is pretty sure l must be on the autistic spectrum and even says I'm just like the character of Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.
Here is a list of some of my historic and current strange behaviours; could they be signs of autism or even another form of neurodivergence?
1. I cannot form deep or meaningful relationships with other people. In other words I cannot bond. I don't know how to explain it but I can see that other people connect with each other and I can't do that. My family have always said it's because I'm too shy or don't try hard enough to make friends but, even though I can get on well with some people, I just can't form any sort of attachment. Personally, I don't see this as a problem, as you can't miss what you've never had, but other people seem to think it's an issue. I generally work to hide this from strangers and casual acquaintances so that I don't look like a weirdo or loser.
2. I keep to a really strict routine and don't like it when I have to alter it. Altering my routine makes me so uncomfortable that I've been avoiding visiting my family for the past year or so as I know it will involve staying up later or eating at different times.
3. I cannot estimate time correctly. You make think this means I'm regularly late for things but quite the opposite, I'm always ridiculously early. I tend to think that I'm going to be late and so give myself far more time than is needed to get anywhere. To put this in context, I used to arrive at university lectures 20 minutes early and I currently get into work before 7:30am (I'm usually the first person in the office).
4. I consciously and unconsciously compare my behaviour to others and copy their behaviours and mannerisms. When I was a pre-teen I unknowingly copied the way my babysitter ran; I'm sure I did this sort of thing more regularly but I actually realised it on that occasion. Sometimes I do it knowingly; when I was very young I used to study my classmates when they were drawing so that I could make sure my drawings looked right.
These are just some of the strange things I do. I would like to figure out whether I'm on the spectrum as I know it should inform how I treat my burnout. I did ask for an assessment referral from my GP but they said there is a 3 year waiting list and that counciling would be a better option for me.
I think my issue is, that whatever I have, I am very high functioning so I can sort of muddle through life until something comes up that I really can't handle. Now that I'm in my 30s I think I need to be more intentional about the coping strategies I create as some the ones I've used in the past aren't working anymore.
Hello NAS84927,
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
ou may like to look at our information about autism spectrum disorders:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism
If you were interested in finding out if you are on the autism spectrum, you would need to have a formal diagnostic assessment. You may find it useful to have a look at the following link for further information about diagnosis and the benefits of getting one:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis
Furthermore, it is important the professional you see has experience of autism spectrum disorders. You can find details of diagnostic services on our Autism Services Directory in the Assessment and diagnosis section:
https://www.autism.org.uk/directory
All the best,
ChloeMod