Son just diagnosed and im feeling scared for him & for me

Basically you have to try and box the condition into your own image so that anxiety and stress is less evident long-term and give yourself an emotional break. If you tell your son you will be there all the time and you can learn together and take out the fuzzieness of the condition in the mind,, this will be a good foundation for both of you's,

Hi - as Intense said, there is sometimes anger.  Another feeling parents, as well as their children have to try to deal with to varying degrees is anxiety.  There's a lot of it out there.

Just to say also, don't be scared.  There is nothing to be scared of.  The most negative feeling you probably need to prepare yourself for is anger at the lack of support and help from services.  As openheart said, you get the diagnosis and then a very long silence.  Think of it this way, before, you had no name for why your son was the way he was and now there is a reason and it's no-one's fault.  He has an explanation that lets him know that.  I don't really know what benefit any meetings would have anyway.  Perhaps there is online information aimed at his age-group that he might read in his own time.

Also re "he won't attend any meetings" try not to convey the message that this is something down to him to correct.

ASD is fundamental to people's make up, part of their personality. The message "there's something wrong with you we've got to get it sorted" is not a useful one.

To some extent we're "wired differently". So the problems arise because he doesn't fit in with NT dominated society, not necessarily that NT society is right and he is wrong. But a lot of the stresses and problems he encounters are from trying to meet the expectations of social frameworks he cannot properly connect with (fit in with those around him).

It would be useful to listen to his perceptions without commenting (especially not things like "well that's normal", "that happens to lots of people" "you just have to try a bit harder" "it will all sort itself out when you get older".  

Get wise to the fact that he cannot readily read what is going on around him in the way you might, so messages like normal or grow out of it just aren't relevant.

There's a lot of information for parents on the NAS website. Also find out if there's a NAS group or other parents' group in your area as they arrange courses you can go on.

Small steps and guidance from a local source, it can be the social work, doctor, Autism centre, depending what resources are available in your area. One thing I would say,, you can not be nor should your son left out to dry, this is very common post-diagnosis. Spend years splashing about, get a diagnosis,, expect a rescue helicopter or lifeboat,, but you are left to drown. IT IS A VERY CRUEL SYSTEM. I suggest, find a life jacket organisation out there for your son. Good luck, hope you do okay.  There is a national organisation but for the life of me, I can't remember there name, it is lipservice name only anyway, they only get paid to talk not serve the autism community.

PS forget about courses for him just now, start small ask him what he wants to happen or do. Slow progress is better long-term, so do not panic. The condition is genetic so relax, take a day at a time as you can panic and run about like I did for a year after diagnosis, I just exhausted myself. Now I do little goals every day and feel a lot better.

Hi - welcome.  Sounds like you've had a long battle to get a diagnosis for your son.  If you have a look on the home page you should find directions there about courses.  There's a lot of info so if you haven't already, have a good look around.  Also the posts are a really good source of info, so do a search if you want to.  There are books you can buy which parents + children can read together about aspergers.  I can't remember the titles but have a look on amazon or similar + check out these posts as the titles could be mentioned there.  Come back any time you want (smileys not working yet again, unless it's my pc!)