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Son just diagnosed and im feeling scared for him & for me

Fa233

Hi my 14 year old son has just been diagnosed ASD after a very long process and now im unsure where we go from here- I am looking into courses that I can attend to help him manage his emotions but he wont attend any meetings.

Any help from your own experiences would be invaluable. 

Thx

Parents

  • Also re "he won't attend any meetings" try not to convey the message that this is something down to him to correct.

    ASD is fundamental to people's make up, part of their personality. The message "there's something wrong with you we've got to get it sorted" is not a useful one.

    To some extent we're "wired differently". So the problems arise because he doesn't fit in with NT dominated society, not necessarily that NT society is right and he is wrong. But a lot of the stresses and problems he encounters are from trying to meet the expectations of social frameworks he cannot properly connect with (fit in with those around him).

    It would be useful to listen to his perceptions without commenting (especially not things like "well that's normal", "that happens to lots of people" "you just have to try a bit harder" "it will all sort itself out when you get older".  

    Get wise to the fact that he cannot readily read what is going on around him in the way you might, so messages like normal or grow out of it just aren't relevant.

    There's a lot of information for parents on the NAS website. Also find out if there's a NAS group or other parents' group in your area as they arrange courses you can go on.

Reply

  • Also re "he won't attend any meetings" try not to convey the message that this is something down to him to correct.

    ASD is fundamental to people's make up, part of their personality. The message "there's something wrong with you we've got to get it sorted" is not a useful one.

    To some extent we're "wired differently". So the problems arise because he doesn't fit in with NT dominated society, not necessarily that NT society is right and he is wrong. But a lot of the stresses and problems he encounters are from trying to meet the expectations of social frameworks he cannot properly connect with (fit in with those around him).

    It would be useful to listen to his perceptions without commenting (especially not things like "well that's normal", "that happens to lots of people" "you just have to try a bit harder" "it will all sort itself out when you get older".  

    Get wise to the fact that he cannot readily read what is going on around him in the way you might, so messages like normal or grow out of it just aren't relevant.

    There's a lot of information for parents on the NAS website. Also find out if there's a NAS group or other parents' group in your area as they arrange courses you can go on.

Children
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