How do I deal with it

I agree that's how i should be but due to my past its my view i go through cycles of crying anger happiness and fear my whole life i was bullied due to this and now i finally understand and Its caused me to have a lot of confusion Im just trying to work it all out the good and the bad. i hope i find my solution its all ive ever wanted is to belong. 

Your more than welcome, we do find our own way but it can take a long time in the confusion,  it's good to  share, it makes it less confusing. Hope it becomes a shortcut to help you find your own, maybe completely different, solution's. 

Hi

Ranting is good,.that's why we come here often.

Half of what you said is wrong, because that;s ableist's point of viewing people like us. You shouldn't be doing that to yourself. Yes, many of us end up alone and feel lonely, but it isn't our fault 99.9% of people around are ableist and don't tollerate people like us, even though they wouldn't say it outloud.

Most of us felt like you and managed to find a solution, an own solution, that we discovered without any help. we're geniuses in finding solutions. 

So be brave, be stubborn, grate your teeth, show them nothing, imagine your will is like iron. You can do it

Thankyou im trying that its hard cause its new and confusing and i dont have many people to turn to for help and advice 

Hi tuxedo Joe, rest assured that sounds normal, I'm sure many if us here have gone through similar so you are never alone. What's has helped me to break the cycle is to focus on something else , no matter how small or big. It interrupts the reptative loop gives you a bit of head space

I am sorry to hear that