Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello I'm Salky *Sally*
I have Autism and I find life with it awkward and distressing. I have no social skills so have no friends. My lack of social skill means I have a distant relationship with my family, well actually it's more non existent. We don't talk much. The atmosphere at home is terrible and it's a bad place to be at
Another part of my Autism is that like a magpie I find certain things irresistible and I sometimes take things, not intentionally to steal I just pick things up I did it as a child as well. But now I'm older people think I'm a thief. I'm so misunderstood by everybody and though professional are meant to understand and help they don't. They just blame me and don't listen to me when I try to explain things. No one listens or understand
The only person who did understand me was my nan. We got on so well and had so much in common. We spoke most days and never fell out, she was amazing. She loved to travel and went all over the world to lots of different interesting places. She was lucky enough to see the world trade center in early 2001 she was very proud of this photograph
I wish I was born then I would have loved to see that in person
Oh well sometimes you miss out don't you
I've been feeling low and depressed lately. Each day I struggle to get motivated and I cry a lot. I hurt myself sometimes which I guess is bad but it makes me feel a lot better
Sometimes I think of suicide but then I remember that life is precious and you have to make the most of it. That's what my nan always said and she made the best of her eighty years here. My sister was extremely depressed and she did choose suicide, I miss her a lot still, my parents don't seem to but I really think they don't like kids
Going to school is a dread everyone makes fun of me all the time commenting on my ugly curly hair and the fact that I am chubby
I feel like if people took the time to get to know me they might like me but no one ever does its like I don't exist half the time
I'm finding this whole life thing so distressing and I've read about what life for adults is like and it sounds dreadful
I'll be an adult soon and I'm not looking forward to it
Wish I was still a child to be honest I was a lot happier then and people were nicer to me then
Maybe it will get better over the next year. Hope so
Sorry for going on. I'm done now
Hello
Good to meet you Sally. I know what you mean about being a child. I wish that sometimes too. Hope you find it helpful to post here.
Hi. First of all, welcome. You will find a lot of people on here who think and feel like you and struggle with the same things you do. I know I did and its been a real comfort to me.
I relate to how you felt about your nan. I was so close to my gran and I still miss her all the time.
The one thing I want to say to you most is that life does get better. Adult life as an autistic person is not easy, im not going to lie to you, but the thing that makes it better is that you start to accept yourself for who you are more and become more comfortable in yourself.
Once youve had the "normal" world screw you over often enough you realise you dont need their validation or acceptance and the only person's acceptance you need is your own. That might seem hard now as you might not be comfortbale with yourself but trust me as time goes by one day you will be.
Being autistic is not something to be ashamed of. I actually think we are nicer, kinder people than the rest of the world.
Be proud of who you are and anyone who doesnt like it can get stuffed.
One more thing, dont focus too much on "being an adult" . Just be you. Ive spent years waiting to feel like an adult. Eventually I accepted I never would and i feel a lot happier.
You will meet people who understand, especially on here, and you wont be lonely forever. Just look for other people like you. I have found alot more happiness that way than trying to be friends with "normal" people. Hope this all helps, sorry for rambling on.
Welcome to the community I can in someway sympathize I am also struggling quite a lot at the moment! Please never feel alone we are all here, and I'm always a message away of you need someone to vent to. Again welcome!