Newbeee

Hi all do I am a mum to 3 autistic children of different ages 16 11 and 3 my eldest was diagnosed at 14 my middle at 10 and my youngest is undiagnosed but awaiting to see peads the also think he may have cerable palsy sorry can't spell as I am also dislexic things are getting bad with my eldest mental health I just feel physically and mentally drained I feel like my marriage is falling apart I don't get time for myself I just don't know what to do anymore I get. No support at all I forever get oh how do you cope like well I have no choice really I honestly am not cut out for this at the moment my toddler is loving drawing so much so that my walls are covered in his beautiful drawings so I have had to redecorate that wasn't fun had to wait until they was all in bed staying up until 4am 3 nights on the run to get it all done I have taken all the pencils out of the living room and he can now only have them when I have time to sit with him and use them my husband got him some bath crayons and now it's a massive fight evary time we get him out of the bath I have had a few buts to the face almost fell down the stairs fighting with him he is so strong  the two older ones never want to goto school evary morning I get messages saying there sick they can't breathe and all the rest of it I have endless appointments constant forms to fill in like ehcp sensory forms dla forms and courses to go on I feel like evary thing is a constant fight and I just don't know what to do anymore I finally broke. Down today at my sons nursery they brought me inside and spoke to me they are trying to get some extra help but it's all taking so long I also have a feeling my husband is autistic he is very much like my oldest son and they clash really bad we had a big thing a few years ago and my son told him he hated him and ever since he has not wanted to tell him off or deal with him so it's all on me my older son keeps saying I am not doing anything to help him he's under camhs I have fought and fought to get him medication for his mental health that they didn't want to give him he's not kicking off because it's. Going to take a few weeks for the medication to start working and it's all my fault and I don't care and I don't understand how he is feeling he can't tell me how he's feeling or what he wants me to do to help him I am just at my whits end and I want to give up sorry for the long post I just badly need some help