Loneliness

I’m a Autistic male with Aspergers .

My Autism causes me to struggle in many ways in this world it’s like when I go to work I can’t seem to keep up with everyone else I don’t understand things as good as everyone else and that annoys me

I have no friends and the loneliness just makes me feel more and more angry and depressed. I want to talk to someone so bad but even that comes with a cost

  • Hello,  Autistic male.

    Loneliness is terrible. It eats away at you until nothing remains but your empty shell.

    Every night before you go to bed, tell yourself about one good thing about you. And in the morning when you wake up, remind tell yourself about it again. Every night, add one extra good thing about yourself.  After a whole week, your feelings of loneliness will diminish. You'll be surprised at how much more confident you feel.  Loneliness is very easy to overcome once you understand what causes it—and that's a deep-seated belief that you are not likeable. I have been lonely many times, and those times have passed when I remembered to talk nicely to myself and be a friend to myself. Soon, I start to do things I enjoy and am content to be on my own doing them. And I have something to talk to other people about as an extra bonus.

    What are your interests in life?

    Or what things would you like to do, or new things you would like to learn, or new places to visit? 

    Can you give some examples of the things you've enjoyed doing in the past, places you've enjoyed visiting in the past? 

  • Hello thank you for your kind reply

    i will try everything you have said to see if it helps.

    My interests in life are fishing, Carpentry and skateboarding.

    I would really like to go to Africa and teach kids who live in poverty Carpentry as I’m a Carpenter myself.

    other then that I haven’t got much else I want to do.

     I just feel like if I had people to talk to I would feel happier because being alone with my thoughts puts me in a dark place.

    Thank you for your support 

  • The carpentry thing sounds like a great idea,

    Have you looked into VSO (Voluntary Service Overseas) or other charitable organisations?

    There are many people doing this kind of thing (I've known a few, with various skills, working in schools, orphanages, prisons etc) and they seem to get a lot of value out of it.

  • Yes, being alone with your thoughts can be a dark place to be when your thoughts are unfriendly ones. That's why it's important to make a habit of having nice thoughts about yourself. Start slowly. Even one nice thought about yourself a day will make a big difference. 

    Fishing, carpentry and skateboarding. You sound like a fascinating person with diverse interests. Teaching poor kids carpentry is noble and worthwhile. Whereabouts in Africa? Do you have a country in mind?

    Have you heard of The Samaritans? They are a free helpline for when you are in a dark place and need someone to talk to. It might be useful to have their contact details at hand just in case of emergencies. It's very easy to get in touch with them. You can call 116 123 or chat to them online.

    https://www.samaritans.org/

    See how you get on with being nice to yourself for seven days (and nights). But remember, if your dark thoughts get too much for you at any time, then you should get professional help. Sometimes we all need a little extra help to get back on the path to happiness.

  • so sorry you are in that predicament my friend.

    My son has ASD and I have ADHD (I'm 43 years old but diagnosed only 3 years ago). My son finds it near impossible to make friends, and I to have similar difficulties. 

    What are your hobbies? What subject gets you excited? For my son, it is animals. If you speak to him about animals, he lights up! What about you? Could you go to a club where you could find other people with the same interest? If you did, please do consider telling members about your condition- you will probably find much empathy, and people will be able to relate with you far better, as they will have found someone like them, who has mental health issues. Note- EVERYONE has them!

  • Hi Tassimo, you say you like fishing, which is good but quite isolated.

    Have you thought of joining a shooting club?

    A lot of people who like fishing also like shooting.

    If you fing your local target club and express an interest, most of them will welcome you in and show you the ropes. Good chance to meet decent folk.

    Also is you know of any pheasant shoots, ask if you can go and beat.

    Get you out in fresh air and you'll soon make some good friends

  • Hi Dave, it's the OP who likes fishing. Not me Relaxed

  • Hi nas75320, you say you like fishing, which is good but quite isolated.

    Have you thought of joining a shooting club?

    A lot of people who like fishing also like shooting.

    If you fing your local target club and express an interest, most of them will welcome you in and show you the ropes. Good chance to meet decent folk.

    Also is you know of any pheasant shoots, ask if you can go and beat.

    Get you out in fresh air and you'll soon make some good friends

  • I know it's hard to do, I've been there myself, but if you can get yourself out and join any group/club, it will give you a big lift

  • just keep coming on here and practise chatting --- start your own discussions about things u like talking about