Finally diagnosed. Not sure how I feel about it.

41 year old female, just diagnosed. I’m still processing that.

I’ve been on this forum for some time but before receiving diagnosis I felt like an imposter so I’ve convinced myself that I shouldn’t talk to people (at least not too much) because I wasn’t formally diagnosed. But now I am. Maybe I’ll feel more comfortable in few weeks /months. 

  • I think that it takes time to grow into a new autistic identity. You have obviously convinced a trained clinician, or more than one, of your autistic 'credentials'. I think you should begin owning your autistic nature. After all, you are the world's foremost expert on your own autism and you have every right to talk about it.

  • its always good to know for sure --- it took me 6 months to come to term with my diagnosis ---- there are still  days i think "naw they got it wrong" 

  • I received my diagnosis on Tuesday. I am 27 but I realised I was Autistic as a teenager. I didn't feel I needed a diagnosis until now. I was the same before my diagnosis and felt like an imposter. Thats why I decided to go through the process as I feel I can talk more openly about it now and not feel like an imposter. 

  • Hi ladybird 

    I got diagnosed at 31. I'm struggling too. I'm 32 now. 

    I feel so what I think is angry. For years i knew i was different but although autism was suggested no one followed through on the diagnosis. I got told time and time again i was too complex to be tested. 

    It is what i believe usual for autism to be picked up in early childhood. Daily my head screams and i have a complete lack of connection with myself. Even now I've been diagnosed I still am unsure so I can relate to your thread. 

    I dont know if it will ever get easier or if this is just the foundation of myself. All I know is its tiring and confusing and hard and I hate how I cant see and enjoy the life I love fully. The people around me and the beauty nature offers. 

    I question every day who I am. I have been incorrectly diagnosed prior with bipolar 3 years of my life I was drugged up on a medication that I should of been prescribed. I cant trust professionals. I cant trust family. I dont understand why no one knew I was autistic if after so many years fighting for answers one psych after talking to me on a phone for 5 minutes diagnosed me with autism and told me It was super clear and obvious that I am autistic. 

    Who knows. Hang in there. 

  • 43 years old female, have literally self diagnosed myself 3 days ago, I feel lost. Now I can see myself as others had always seem me.

    Where do I go from here? Did anyone went through this depressing/ lost / numbing mix of feelings?

    I can't even text anyone now without feeling awkward, thinking that how I put words together probably is very weird to others.

    1. Help!  I feel hopeless, extremelly sad and disappointed with life after this.
  • Hi Ladybird, congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the forum.

    For me, when I received the call from the Assessment Team, it felt like they were announcing my bereavement—it was as if they were telling me me that the old, familiar 'Me' had died.  I reacted with shock and disbelief. Then, came denial (months later, I still had moments of denial). Autism? Asperger's Syndrome? Are they serious? What a load of rubbish! I then began to experience sudden bursts of anger over the memories of past difficulties, and I wanted to punish all those useless GPs who had dismissed me as a malingerer,  mis-diagnosed me or tried to get me to swallow buckets of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills supplied by their sponsors in the pharmaceutical industry.

    Next, I had sudden moments of sadness (accompanied by lots of tears). If only I'd known sooner, I could have changed this... and this. 

    I would not say I've completely accepted this new 'autistic Me'. But, I can say that I am much more patient with myself, and a lot kinder to myself too. 

    Slowly, I began to see clearly just how dysfunctional the outside world is (and how dysfunctional and unreliable the people who create and control it are). Now, I can choose not to be part of their collective insanity—or limit my exposure to it. And I have a good reason. It doesn't bring out the best in me. It's not designed for me to thrive, just barely survive. 

    Start by being gentle with yourself, Ladybird. Just notice how you talk to yourself in your head. Is it kind? Is it how you would talk to a friend? Use your first name when you talk to yourself and make your voice calm, gentle and supportive. Comfort yourself when you're in pain, and praise yourself regularly for even the smallest achievements. Learn to be your own best friend. Your own mother-figure, your own father-figure, your own lover and your own teacher. 

  • Thank you.

     I hope it’ll come with time. I’m still mostly ashamed even though I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

  • Is there something you're ashamed of specifically related to autism or just generally about being diagnosed?

  • Both. I’m ashamed of how I behave sometimes. 

    But also I don’t want to be viewed as snowflake.