A reluctant introduction

I hate introductions. Or more precisely I dislike having to describe myself. My sense of self is not strong.

Hello NAS forum. I have lurked for a few days, but making an effort to join in because I need to start understanding myself through the lens of autism. I was diagnosed (in my mid-thirties) in 2020 after a very long journey through various assessments to find an explanation for cognitive and social issues I had been having. I don't know (or don't know that I know) any autistic people, and I think I need to have contact with the like-minded.

I am still not 100% comfortable regarding myself as autistic. This isn't an issue with stigma, but instead because I am not always sure I fit the profile. I have a variety of issues, some of which are explained readily by autism, but in other instances I seem very atypical. I worry that when I access resources, or tap into support for autism, that I will take resources from people who need it more. Or perhaps, if such a thing could exist, have imposter syndrome surrounding being autistic.

A lot of this stems from the key issue that affects me day-to-day; my memory. I have information recall problems, and was first diagnosed and then undiagnosed with ADHD (long story) in a search to figure out that particular issue with my brain. So far, the lens of autism has not given me insight into this issue, but it hasn't been long since my diagnosis so we'll see.

Here's a non-exhaustive list of hobbies/interests of mine:
Star Trek, Stargate, and science fiction in general. Games of all sorts: Video Games, Board Games, Megagames, Tabletop Roleplaying Games (I am also a fan of Critical Role), and miniatures/models. Art (particularly related to games of all sorts) including 3D sculpting (ZBrush) and illustration.

And some other things about me:
I'm a gay cisgendered man (pronouns he/him), currently in a long term relationship, in my mid thirties, and I work as a Product Designer in web software (until two years ago before which I was a QA Engineer).

Forming habits is hard for me, and when I've signed up to forums in the past it hasn't lasted, but I will make special effort here. I hope to be able to stay around long enough to contribute more than I receive.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

  • The vast majority of models I have are Star Trek starships, and almost all of those are Eaglemoss/Hero Collector models, so they come as single pieces (well, single ship, plus two-piece stand) .. while I don't have an issue with assembling models, I dont find I have the time or the focused attention needed for assembly. So buying premade models suits me. This week I've ordered a number more as they had a sale on Sob I assume given your poor fine motor control perhaps models in general are something you stay away from them, but Eaglemoss are okay if you were interested in anything not requiring construction. Must be said though, that more of their models arrive with faults than I'd like.. even as high as 1 in 5. I tend to only buy them on sale these days, especially has they've become drastically more expensive in recent years.

    Anyway, on the ships; I respect all of these choices. Most of them classics of course. I am perhaps not as much of a fan of the Odyssey class, but I can very much understand why people think highly of it; I think it is something about the curve of the neck, through the pylons and the shape of the nacelles.. but I'd bet money that also one of the things people love about it; entirely a subjective thing on my part. What I do like, though, is the legacy of fan-made ships in Star Trek (the Titan and Aventine come to mind also), as I was always an avid designer of spaceships especially in my youth. Sometimes I regret that I stopped.

    One of my favourites (perhaps my absolute favourite until recently) was the Oberth Class.

    Which I mention because there are two things that connect our first favourites, and that is that their original model appearances were both in the same movie, and they have both been inconsistently sized throughout various incarnations of trek (I assume that is perhaps why you mention the name B'rel, the be specific as to the version). I adore the Oberth's quirky differences to the other Starfleet ships, as well as it's position as a science-focused vessel, small, and therefore automatically an underdog of sorts.


  • This is the part where I start feeling like way too much of a nerd (there's a 10 inch model of Voyager sitting on the shelf behind me) but here I think maybe that's okay.

    Well autistic website forums do rather serve as nerd and geek sanctuaries, and as such having an Intrepid Class Federation Starship model is in my opinion rather a complete and utter bonus.

    I am not myself a model maker type as I am have poor fine motor control skills, so getting glue, paint and decals in not quite or even at all in the right places is somewhat obstructive to a perfect outcome.

    My first lust though as far as ship designs went was the B'rel Class Klingon Bird of Prey:



    Then the Galaxy Class Enterprise D:



    Then the D'Deridex Class Romulan Warbird:



    Borg Cubes:



    Then of course the Intrepid Class of Starship with Voyager that really got me interested ~ as every Enterprise design before the D version did very little for me indeed, as I was more bothered about the issue that energy weapons would be utterly useless against warp-fields, which all faded into total insignificance with the following opening credit sequence that just looked utterly beautiful 'ship-and-scenery' wise:



    Then came the Odyssey class 1701-F as being a competition winning design, and in my opinion the most captivating version of the Enterprise so far. The designer put a beautiful irregularity into the hull design, which is intriguingly fascinating ~ and the more I look at it the more I enjoy wanting to see more of it. Here follows a lower definition but better continuity viewing of the Odyssey class Enterprise outside and in:



    And the same again as a higher definition job with a more choppy continuity stream viewing wise:



    With the 'refit' version being absolutely perfect for my tastes:



  • Thank you. The days since my introduction have definitely given me this impression. I appreciate the welcome Soifre Raised hands

  • Hi Nexus11. The only things I proof read tend to be important emails my partner wants to send. I guess I'm considered reliable. I wonder if this is something autistic people do well. Still, reading a science fiction novel sounds far more interesting. I hope they were good!

    Wanting to write something yourself perhaps then?

  • Hello Plinky. I like the name.

  • That's the one Raised handsSmile. This is the part where I start feeling like way too much of a nerd (there's a 10 inch model of Voyager sitting on the shelf behind me) but here I think maybe that's okay.

  • Welcome, if you need help we are here and there are all sorts on the forums, no judgement-just help.

  • Then I hope that too, moon.


    I wish I had some good advice for you. It sounds like a tough situation to be in. I don't have much experience with weed (or drugs inc alcohol in general- my mind doesn't get much altering) and sometimes I think for me that's a problem. But from here, it does at least sound like you understand your relationship with it, so you can have a measure of control over it.

  • In that case, this response alone reassures me it was worth it (and you're welcome). I suppose it's the idea behind a community, and I've no doubt that if we hang around enough we'll find other people with whom we can find common ground and like-mindedness.

    I echo what moon suggests, though, that you change your profile name to something a little easier to remember/distinguish. I imagine it's easier for everyone on here to get to know you that way. The NAS numbers are easily mistaken, I feel.

    I hate imagining names for myself. I think I have issues with names in general.. All I did was look at my NAS number and think what does this remind me of. It looked like a Star Trek starship registry number Joy so I looked up the closest one to my number, which was the Bellerophon. It helped that there was a coincidence in that I'd used that same ship/name in a TTRPG session before too, so it felt like a nice coincidence.

  • I find I identify most with Yo Samdy Sam, and some things that Aspergers from the Inside says.  I don't share all of the same experiences but it's quite fun to listen to someone who thinks along the same lines as yourself.

  • Red Dwarf is very nostalgic for me. I used to watch it when I was a kid, sitting on my brother's lap, and I liked it even though I didn't understand any of the jokes then Smile

  • Welcome. Please consider a more approachable profile name than NASxxx Slight smile

  • Hi

    I have just read your post and felt like I had to sign up to say I completely relate to this! My husband wanted me to start looking at online communities because he thought I would benefit from seeing that I am not alone in how I am feeling and I’m starting to think he was right :) I was diagnosed in 2016 and have had the same feeling of not wanting to take resources from other people and ended up really isolating myself. I really wanted to join a support group to try and make friends but I was too worried about not not fitting in.

    Anyway I suppose I just wanted to say thank you because seeing your post helped me feel a bit better about moving forward.

  • Second one is right up there.  I've enjoyed everything i've seen though

  • Did someone mention Alien?

    That is an absolute classic, I've watched several of the sequels and prequels, but none have the impact of that first one.

    I saw a exhibition of Giger's art at a venue in Vienna, stomach turning in many places, bleak, yet possessing it's own beauty. 

  • Hi. I like science fiction too. I have just proof read a full-length SF novel by a friend of mine. Another friend wrote a fantastic SF novel too. Envy. 

  • Do you find smoking weed helps with other aspects of your life

    I've reflected a lot on this since my autism self diagnosis 2 years ago.

    I think it was most effective for me back in the day when it was a strictly after-dinner or at parties etc. It would definitely help me unwind and prevent insomnia after work, and help me relax/fit in at social events.

    Now though I don't keep in the house - I'm struggling so much with life and my wife's physical & mental health that if i have some I will smoke it all day everyday.

    I get a big bag when we go holiday or if things get particularly dire at home... I then binge all day every day for a week and detox. All it does in this context is let me totally ignore all the bad shite that's happening - for that week I do nothing but watch telly and play games.

    So I'm just kicking all the issues down the road and then have to deal with them while detoxing (for about a week after I stop smoking I sleep extremely poorly).

    I've also noticed that whilst stoned I don't (can't?) concentrate on computer programming or even play the usual cerebral games I like, and instead happily play fairly mindless action games etc. that normally can't hold my interest.

    Even the TV I watch is different... I find very little TV grips me when sober, but I enjoy all sorts when I'm not (Excluding "Housewives of ...", Love Island etc. - I need fentanyl for those I suspect).

    I hope one day that my daily life is bearable enough that I can go back to the quiet joint after dinner routine.