Coping with my daily low mood

society is judgemental, and thus you judge back equally as harsh perhaps?
i have though on this myself as i recognize myself to be judgemental.... i thought perhaps its because we live in such a judgemental society that judges us we just perhaps snap and then twist that mirror around to judge society in return for we find it lacking and mediocre when it bigs itself up and puts us down, so perhaps could be a reaction to a judgemental society and judging it in return, for society is full of mediocrity despite how harsh it judges others and pretends to be a proffesional society off which it really isnt, everyone is just winging it not sure what they are doing really.

That's not what enlightened beings say. They say that the outer world we experience is a reflection of our inner world. What we experience as reality is merely a mirror, reflecting back at us our inner world. The true meaning of Karma. Cause and effect.  Your inner world (beliefs, judgments, assumptions, opinions) is the cause, and the world outside (relationships, events, circumstances, situations) is the effect.  

ah but it was society that judged first in my case, relationships and events hit me first before i hit back. even now im still too accepting and tolerant than i should be, probably because loneliness makes you very tolerant and willing to accept anyone, i should be alot more intolerant and judgemental than what i am to give equal hate and exclusionism back to society, im still hitting back too soft.... i should go harder.... infact if i were to hit back at society equally to what they did to me, it would be much darker. i feel society excluded me and relieved me of a life. so in return, you see how dark that would get if i treated society the same way back.

The fix is easy. Stop the bigotry, criticism and judgements towards yourself. All the criticisms you're directing outward are echoes of the what you think about yourself. That's where the old expression thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself comes from.  What you're feeling about others is only a reflection of what you're feeling about yourself. You're hurting, so you lash out at others.People only hurt others when they're hurting themselves. They're just like you. It doesn't mean you can't point out someone's behaviour that is hurtful, but it means you don't take it personally, you understand that it's only hurt people that hurt others. Break the cycle. It's down to you to form a better relationship with yourself. Once you feel love and compassion for yourself, you naturally feel it for everyone because you realise, like yourself, everyone is doing the best they can with their limited understanding. 

so then why did it start? ..... because i couldnt talk to people like others could? ... because i couldnt show any expression or emotion on my dead looking face which made people perhaps think i wasnt interested in them? ... how does one even fix that? the fix there is other people to stop being so bigoted and judgemental and stop exclude people from society based on little judgements. you cant get any kindness back, because society isnt kind, no matter how much it says it is, it isnt, its a virtue signalling fake society that only wants to pretend to be kind to make themselves feel better and feel like "the good moral guys" when they are no such thing lol

That's a very ugly mental landscape you've created. It sounds like your filled with bitterness and resentment. No wonder you're feeling so lonely. Anyone would feel lonely living in the hellish world you've created for yourself. You only get what you give.  Until you transform that ugly spiritual energy you're sending out into something kinder, more balanced, you're going to keep on receiving the same ugliness back from the world, which in turn feeds you with more negative energy to send out.  It all starts and ends with you. 

That's a very ugly mental landscape you've created. It sounds like your filled with bitterness and resentment. No wonder you're feeling so lonely. Anyone would feel lonely living in the hellish world you've created for yourself. You only get what you give.  Until you transform that ugly spiritual energy you're sending out into something kinder, more balanced, you're going to keep on receiving the same ugliness back from the world, which in turn feeds you with more negative energy to send out.  It all starts and ends with you. 

The fix is easy. Stop the bigotry, criticism and judgements towards yourself. All the criticisms you're directing outward are echoes of the what you think about yourself. That's where the old expression thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself comes from.  What you're feeling about others is only a reflection of what you're feeling about yourself. You're hurting, so you lash out at others.People only hurt others when they're hurting themselves. They're just like you. It doesn't mean you can't point out someone's behaviour that is hurtful, but it means you don't take it personally, you understand that it's only hurt people that hurt others. Break the cycle. It's down to you to form a better relationship with yourself. Once you feel love and compassion for yourself, you naturally feel it for everyone because you realise, like yourself, everyone is doing the best they can with their limited understanding. 

so then why did it start? ..... because i couldnt talk to people like others could? ... because i couldnt show any expression or emotion on my dead looking face which made people perhaps think i wasnt interested in them? ... how does one even fix that? the fix there is other people to stop being so bigoted and judgemental and stop exclude people from society based on little judgements. you cant get any kindness back, because society isnt kind, no matter how much it says it is, it isnt, its a virtue signalling fake society that only wants to pretend to be kind to make themselves feel better and feel like "the good moral guys" when they are no such thing lol