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Newbie to the group and needing advice

NickiBen

Hi all I'm Nicki and im a single mum to my little boy Ben who is 3 who has been diagnosed with autism and a sensory processing impairment in Feb 2013.

I feel very overwhelmed with it all at the moment and have been reading up on it as much as i can. I just wanted to know how parents dealt with disciplining their children. Ben cant communicate very well i.e you cant have a conversation with him so he doesnt necesssarily always understand. He has started lashing out at me and I dont want it to get out of hand ( if i can help it)

Any tips and advice will be greatly appreciated. Thankyou guys x

  • HI Nicki,
    First of all I want to tell you that at the age of 3, you cannot predict everything or I can say you cannot be disappointed because your child is just 3 years old.
    At the age of 8, you can only come to the conclusion whether your child is having autism or not, till then try to read more about this disorder, and be positive.

    Cluas Autism in Ireland is an organization who provides expert services to childerns who are suffering from this diseas and they have vastly experinced expert to do this.

  • Thankyou for your reply. He doesnt get enough sleep no. He is up in the night quite a bit. I have this week had people visit me at home who specialise in autism and I am also going to take a parent class to try to understand more. I think hes getting so frustrated because he cant communicate and get across what hes trying to and thats why the lashing out has started. I guess its just trial and error at the moment, Im sure we will get there in the end. I think my biggest problem is the understanding

  • Thankyou for your reply. I am positive about the diagnosis of the disorder, im just finding it hard to understand my child at the moment . I am not disapointed in him, i Just want to be able to understand him better

  • Hi - Silver100 gives good advice about discovering the reason(s) for him lashing out.   When we have problems communicating we can get frustrated so it's important to get to the bottom of this.  It's his way of dealing with powerful emotions which he can't express.  It'll be detective work to find out what's causing it!  

    There are many ways to communicate so maybe you can pick up on when he's getting tense by his body language, expressions etc.   If you can then piece together what happened before his body language changed then you may be on to something.  Also - does he get enough sleep?  We can all get irritable when we're tired, stressed etc.  You need to be careful about how you discipline him.  As he's unable at present to let you know what's upsetting him, he may not recognise your actions as a response to his "behaviour".  I wouldn't recommend discipling him in the way you'd discipline a non-autistic child.   That could make him feel worse - vicious circle.  Whatever you do you must stay calm (easier said than done).  What do you do at the moment?  Really it's preventing the meltdown in the 1st place.  Sorry if anything I've said has made presumptions. bw

  • Are there things in particular that happen just before he lashes out?

    Sometimes sounds, touch, lights , smells, even the flow of air, movement of people near by can be unbearable to autistic person that is un-noticeable to a non-autistic person, so you will need to try and become more aware of what sensory stimulus he is experiencing and if this might be the reason for his behaviour.

    Another thing that causes such behaviour is slight changes in routine that a non-autistic person would just take in their stride can be very upsetting. These should be avoided where possible.

    Could you find an alternative, less harmful behaviour that he could do instead when frustrated or distressed such as squeezing a squashy ball, or whatever, instead of hitting out? What will work depends on his sensory dificult areas. You will probably have to experiment a bit to find out what helps. He may need a positive response from you if he uses this instead of lashing out.  We are very easily discouraged if we we have difficulty doing something, we just don't believe we will ever be able to do it.

    Best of luck Smile