Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed with ASC, or ASD, this February at the age of 59. I also have a few other comorbidities thrown in for good measure. So now I have a new identity, as an Autist, which is an interesting phenomenon at my age. However, I am still the same person I always was, and, ironically, I was always autistic. The diagnosis was liberating, it gave me insight into why I have always had certain difficulties and limitations; and also allowed me to forgive myself for some failings. I am not a rather ill-adjusted and awkward neurotypical, but an autistic person who has worked rather effectively at adjusting to a world that is quite hostile to me.
I only wish that I had been aware of adult autism traits much earlier. I was only aware of the 'Rain Man'/'Sheldon Cooper' stereotypes before, completely by chance, I happened to stumble across a description of autistic traits and identified very many with my own characteristics.
As a potted biography, I am married with two children; I worked in bio-medical research in two universities for 24 years, and was then a manager of scientific facilities in a university research institute for another 10 years, before taking early retirement last year.
Just re-watching STNG right now! Mr Data is awesome! I forgot so much about the series.
Martin - this absolutely nails it for me too.
I've said something really similar to my partner a lot lately... "I thought everyone experienced the same things I do, but I was choosing to struggle." While this mindset motivated me to find ways to feel better and cope better, it has ultimately resulted in very low confidence and led to burnout lasting a few years.
It's great to know the truth, to be armed with the facts, so we can move forward with better understanding now. I have really enjoyed being able to think through future scenarios and remember things that can support me (autistic support tools like ear defenders, stimming, routines) in showing up in the best way possible to important things. It's also nice to feel better about turning out down invitations when needed, without the harmful self judgment I used to feel.
Thanks. I just assumed that everyone else was struggling and having to put enormous effort into day-to-day social stuff, but were just better at hiding it than me.
Hi Martin
Welcome aboard.
I'm the same - ended up in high-tech so managed to do very well into my 40s thinking everyone was like me - all working for the common good - and that hard work would be rewarded.
I did the same - married, family, mortgage etc.
Only figured it all out after diagnosis.
I'm nearer to Mr Data from STNG.
Hi Welcome to this forum
you are a full blown scientist so you are most welcome here
Daniel, reading this nice text, I was wondering the same thing as Martin. Autism cannot be an adjective because it is a noun. Autistic is the adjective derived from autism. I think you meant to say autistic is merely an adjective that describes neurodiverse behaviour as opposed to describing a disorder.
The insight that diagnosis can bring is invaluable, I'm sure, to many adults. Now you have set my grammar pedant identity in motion , 'autism' is a noun! But, yes, I don't feel disordered - I'm more ordered than most people I know!
Martin said:I am not a rather ill-adjusted and awkward neurotypical, but an autistic person who has worked rather effectively at adjusting to a world that is quite hostile to me.
I like this statement , i expect there are so many who can relate to this is some form .
It is a fine line between getting rid of enough of the label, and damaging the seam. I've become quite adept over the years, though I have consigned several new shirts to the bin when going just a bit too far.
Martin,
I can say you're not the only one who felt the way you did, I've listened to many autistic people who were diagnosed during adulthood, each one shared in one way or another that finding out they're autistic brought them a sense of relief, and that their life finally made sense to them.
Near the start of the 21st century people began "The Neurodiversity Movement", in neurodiversity autism is an adjective instead of a disorder, all the labels of neurodevelopmental disorders can be viewed as adjectives instead of disorders according to neurodiversity.
Haha yes! I am not a fan of labels! And also not a fan of labels of the metaphorical type as well! Every time I have a label in my clothing that irritates me, I laugh and remember this!
I must admit, though, when I cut labels out, the sharp stubs are even worse than the labels themselves! So, I may be an odd one out with labels still in tact. I haven't yet figured out how to get rid of them properly without harming the fabric of the clothing as well. I also worry that I'll forget how to wash something that needs special treatment. So, for now, it's a truce with the labels!
Thank you for your kind welcome. During my research into autistic traits I was probably the most delighted in finding that I wasn't the only person in the world who removed all labels from every item of clothing!
Welcome, Martin. Beautiful introduction. I can relate a lot to what you write about yourself.
It seems like some kind of re-birth, a new life. The new life, for me, involves letting go of my judgement and grudges against myself, and approaching my days with more awareness, acceptance and therefore empowering myself to help myself better. All these things are a work in progress, and may be for the rest of my days. But I'm elated to discover these insights about myself. The realisation process included grief, confusion and anxiety and still does sometimes, but the benefits of knowing outweigh those struggles. I've even been healing hurt from past events where others didn't understand me - neither of us understood me, and I can forgive them and myself so much more easily now.
I feel I can do so much more with my life through knowing myself better. I hope this is the same for you. It sounds like you've had some incredible experiences in life already!