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Newly Diagnosed and confused

Markochef65
over 3 years ago

Hi I am Mark,

I am 55 years old, I had an ASD assessment in March 2021. At the end of the assessment, I was diagnosed with autism (HFA).

I am currently finding it very difficult to understand my whole situation? I dont really know what is a "normal" feeling / reaction to everything about my diagnosis, especially from trying to get an insight from online sites and research on ASD, for example, im wondering is it true? I feel very confused and lonely?  what is it that I do differently than others? strengths! What strengths? what weakness do people see? over analysing things? very self critical, frustration! No confidence in myself! How do I change?
Are these feelings normal? I just need to understand a way forward for me. I still have not received the diagnosis report, which might give me an insight in a direction to go?
It is so difficult when you have been automatically just doing things your own way to cope for so long!
(without realising that, that is what I have been doing)
I am not an avid reader so the books that have been reccomende are not easy for me to absorb so I dont really read, if that makes sense?
Blogs or "My Stories" I read online dont seem to relate to "ME", or at least that is my perception.? Is this a normal reaction?
I have always felt the odd one out or not fitting in! Even now, I am saying to myself I dont even "fit in" in the ASD community!
Is this a normal reaction?
Apologies for ranting on, but at least I am seeking help or at least understanding for myself, something I would never have done prior to my diagnosis. I am happy I had the assessment and I am ok with the diagnosis, but it has opened so many questions and to be honest I do feel a bit frightened about it! Is this a normal feeling / reaction?
I know I am fine, I know there is help, I know worries pass etc. Its just how I feel at this moment in time. I know in an hour it will have passed. But I also know it will come back?
I just feel confused!
Thank you for listening...
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi, I was diagnosed in February at 59 years of age, so you're not alone. There is no 'correct way' of being autistic, everyone is different and everyone's traits and experience of being autistic will be unique. There are commonalities between autistic people, obviously, otherwise we would not have the diagnosis. For example I have never flapped my hands or rocked, not even as a child, though many autistics find these stims are important to them. I can and do make eye-contact, though it is conscious and a learned behaviour, and do not find it particularly difficult or overwhelming.  So, don't feel that you don't fit in if your traits are not typical.

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Plastic

    Thanks Plastic,

    Its just the self questioning and wondering if the feelings of confusion are an experience tha everyone goes through?

  • over 3 years ago

    Hiya Mark

    Welcome aboard - I too am a 55 year-old HFA/aspie - diagnosed over 10 years ago after a life of not quite fitting in.

    A lot of the published material is written by 'normal' people observing behaviours and them then trying to guess what's really going on for us.   Not always accurately.

    Is there anything specific I can help you with?    I'm ok doing short bites if it helps you to process.

  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Welcome to this Forum Slight smile

    any questions just ask.

    go on youtube thats where i learnt alot very quickly about adults with autism.

    also Tedx is very good

  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Mark. I am 49 years old and I have autism. I was diagnosed only recently, though I had always known that I am different. I am not a great reader but have immersed myself a bit since my diagnosis. But I think the important thing is to give yourself space and time. If you want any book ideas, here's a link to another discussion. 

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/21033/book-podcast-recommendations

    So, welcome to the forum. What you are feeling and thinking about yourself is something that so many of us have gone through too, or in my case, still going through. I'm not a long poster, as I don't have the best concentration span or many "words in my word bag" but welcome and take care of yourself.