Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys!!
My son is 6 years old (P1 in scotland).
So the problem we have is he so intelligent that his school is running out of any challenging material.
His intellect spans across the board it isn't a select specialist subject ..his capacity for learning is phenomenal.
He does struggle socially and although he is beginning to enjoy playing with other children, he hasnt the first clue on how to initiate the play as such. He will just stand close by and watch and as a parent this breaks my heart because he wants to be involved. I have spoken several times with the school about perhaps focusing on his social skills but they seem happy to just "manage" him. Rather than encouraging him to excell!
He is now becoming very frustrated, constant meltdown but they dont occur at school it's the minute I pick him up he's just so drained that I think it all just comes flooding out. His communication and behaviours have reverted massively. He seem to be going backwards in terms of coping strategies....every single thing is a fight...his need for control at home is becoming unbearable....from what I wear, to what everyone at home does ( dad, baby sister and myself). Even if he is occupied and totally engrossed in an activity...if he hears his dad or I watching a program he will come down and demand to pick the episode even though the minute he does he will leave the room and go back to his activity. The same if he walks I and I'm changing his sisters bottom, he will have a melt down because he hasn't gone to get the wipes or nappy (I include him when ever I can). All of these behaviours get worse after school. I have tried to have multiple conversations with him about school but he point blank refuses to engage.
I suppose my main question is ...is there anything I can do to make the school get their finger out and provide better support and materials? any advice would be greatly appreciated because right now I feel completely useless.
Thanks
Hi, I can’t give practical advice, but as someone who spent most of her school time being extremely bored and understimulated (as well as struggling socially), I just want to say that I believe it is extremely important that your son’s needs are met at school and that they make sure he is stimulated and challenged and can continue to learn and progress. Otherwise, he is likely to get very frustrated and it could have a very negative impact- it sounds like he is already getting frustrated (the meltdowns and worsening behaviour are most likely signs of that). If he keeps being so bored at school it could result in resenting and not liking school and worst case it could put him off wanting to learn. I know from personal experience how frustrating it can be- luckily I had some teachers at times that helped keep me occupied- i got to take some open university modules whilst at secondary school etc. I still spent a lot of time being bored and hated school, but at least i continued to do well academically. Sadly i know some people that were in a similar situation but who got so fed up of being bored etc that they just stopped engaging at all and ended up not doing well at all anymore. does he have any specific interests or subjects that he likes? I don’t know much about resources available - maybe some math competition questions could be given to him in math class - i’m not sure about what competitions exist in UK but there must be some and usually past questions are available and that is an easy resource the teacher could give him to challenge him-one of my primary school teachers used to let me go to separate room with 1-2 other students at times during class to work through maths competition questions. I feel like there should be lots of resources available- the school may just need to try harder!! I also know that some schools do buddy schemes where older students, maybe even from secondary school get teamed up with younger student to coach them in certain subjects if they are particularly bright. Books are probably also a great way in general to keep him challenged. There must be resources online too... i’m sorry i can’t be of more help. I just really think it is worth pushing the school to try harder to meet your son’s needs!!
<flippancy> You know the supreme court recently ruled that making very small quantities of explosives for educational purposes is legal. You could always make that a project to do with your son. I'm sure teachers would take a 'naughty boy' who knows how to make high explosives much more seriously, even if he has only ever made a pinch's worth. </flippancy>
I have 2 videos you may like to watch regarding home schooling just remember that social skills are a must in the formative years of the childs life. In my experience the kid's who are on the spectrum who do not get socialed young they will almost always be weird socially in a way that can make life much harder for theem which is something we must try to avoid. Consider a physical sport like boxing or muay thai with added tutors for english, maths, science
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idmNRkEn1Ks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05d8bkmbTGk
School will not go out of there way to give him harder work unless he is extremely naughty. You could get him private tutors but that is if you have the time and money to spend on that. He could skip years in school but you run into a different set of problems being younger than everyone but you have to make the right decision for him which can be hard.
Time will surely tell whether AI replaces teachers...
It's been prophesised since the mid 1980s, if not earlier.
Anyway, it doesn't really provide much helpful advice to the OP.
Peter said:Why should I give that any weight. I care about the system we ought to have, and how we can make the system we have more like it.
Peter said:I prefer to think of my self as a modern radical in the sense that the term was used around 1800.
I should have known.
My stance when it comes to liberals and radicals is that they are airy fairy idealists who live in cloud cuckoo land as opposed to people who can come up with sensible workable solutions.
I'm now wondering what the OP thinks of all of this. She hasn't returned.
Do you have any serious recommendations for her rather than numerous ideals about what state schools should be like?
Peter said:Well the point of things like EHCPs (the kind of things NAS campaigns for) is they are meant to come with the funding to implement them.
And they are dastardly difficult to obtain as a consequence.
I'm actually doubtful whether I could have obtained an EHCP, had they existed back in the 1990s, with an ICD-10 diagnosis of AS because I didn't have speech and language delays, and neither did I require extra help with maths, English, and science.
That's why teachers have recommended using Pupil Premium money instead. It's quick and simple as long as the school has (enough of) it.
There have been instances where schools have used Pupil Premium money to buy tablets and laptops for children with AS who struggle with handwriting, and to employ teaching assistants to help them at break time, because they were unable to obtain an EHCP.
Arran said:but it's the reality of the system we currently have.
Why should I give that any weight. I care about the system we ought to have, and how we can make the system we have more like it.
Arran said:I'm beginning to wonder if I'm arguing with member of the Green Party...
I prefer to think of my self as a modern radical in the sense that the term was used around 1800.
All I have done is disseminated information about the reality of state schools from an experienced teacher. It's not comforting it's hard to stomach in places, but it's the reality of the system we currently have.
I don't agree it's how state schools should function myself.
However, you seem to have some cloud cuckoo land view of how schools should function and what they should provide, along with rejecting the view that parents are currently responsible for teaching social skills.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm arguing with member of the Green Party...
Arran said:Also outside of school.
Well strictly speaking that's a police matter isn't it? Obviously better to resolve it through mediation etc but I've no issue sending persistent bullies to court or giving them CBOs or injunctions. (especially when the bullying is physical which should be more clear cut to the young mind I would say)
Peter said:In a school setting? Listen to your self you're basically now acting as an apologist for bullying
Also outside of school.
You are an apologist for bullying.
Arran said:I'm starting to think that you are not serious in this discussion and you just want a big argument for the sake of it.
Believe me I find your position equally incredulous.
Peter said:Yes and thats a big part of learning. Learning the hard way. The advantage of school of course is people can't walk away far. Memories fade unless some one does something truly horrific. Actually one of the things we don't teach these days, a lost cultural value as it were, is the value of second chances and giving people leeway to learn from their mistakes. That's a social skill this recent generation seems to have forgotten.
I'm starting to think that you are not serious in this discussion and you just want a big argument for the sake of it.
Perhaps your idea of learning the hard way is learning by being bullied. The only thing a bullied person learns is how to be a victim. They are never told the reason why they are bullied.
Arran said:the chance is that they will kick his head in for being an annoying jerk or even a socially offensive individual.
In a school setting? Listen to your self you're basically now acting as an apologist for bullying. Or at least suggesting that it's inevitable fact of school life. If teachers can't stop their disabled student getting 'kicked in the head' really they should resign, the profession would be better with out them.
Peter said:The only effective way I know for autistic people to learn social skills is by repeatedly throwing them into social situations and giving them the licence to learn by making a huge number of mistakes.
Unfortunately mistakes with social skills alienate, offend, and hurt people. The damage can stick and be remembered by people for many years to come. Unless the person is surrounded by many patient and kind hearted people who will explain to them where they have gone wrong and what the correct way is, then the chance is that they will kick his head in for being an annoying jerk or even a socially offensive individual.
There really isn't a such thing as a licence to learn by making a huge number or mistakes.
Arran said:I'm sure you can learn that from a video...
Kindly direct me to this video. When I first really started to realise I was autistic I started studying to try and compensate. NLP, psychology, I've read a lot of books. You know what I've learned from them? Virtually nothing. They all assume you have some basic instinct for reading people to start with. Show me this magical video please. The closest thing I've seen are those dreadful pickup artist videos that I just can't take seriously.
Arran said:If a person makes a social error then acquaintances are alienated or offended, so 99% of the time they either just walk away from the person as if they are a bad smell
Yes and thats a big part of learning. Learning the hard way. The advantage of school of course is people can't walk away far. Memories fade unless some one does something truly horrific. Actually one of the things we don't teach these days, a lost cultural value as it were, is the value of second chances and giving people leeway to learn from their mistakes. That's a social skill this recent generation seems to have forgotten.
Peter said:Knowing how to talk people round and get your way is a social skill,
I'm sure you can learn that from a video...
You can only learn social skills in person from a good friend or a decent parent who is willing to explain them and provide constructive feedback. It's hard to learn social skills from acquaintances as they don't provide the constructive feedback required. If a person makes a social error then acquaintances are alienated or offended, so 99% of the time they either just walk away from the person as if they are a bad smell or (worst) they hit them. A good friend or decent parent will explain how they should have correctly handled the social situation in order that they don't repeat the social error.
Arran said:Having children learn from their peer group is like the blind leading the blind. Children can easily pick up bad habits or end up exhibiting undesirable behaviour from the influence of their peer group
You are confusing social skills with behaviour. Knowing how to talk people round and get your way is a social skill, knowing when you shouldn't is a behaviour. For autistic people in particular I feel the former is much more of an issue.