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Personal hygiene

Monkeej

Hi I’ve only just joined. We don’t have a diagnosis yet for our 11 year old daughter (assessment due to take place on 2 February) but it is suspected that she will be diagnosed with Aspergers and possible ADHD.

A current issue we are struggling to manage is the fact that she doesn’t want to wash. When we tell her she needs to shower there’s always a reason why she can’t or won’t. She really smells. She knows she smells but still won’t get in the shower. She says if we keep telling her to do it she won’t.

Had anyone else experienced this behaviour?

  • Baths and showers have to be at a time I prefer otherwise I  don’t feel like having one. Ask what time she prefers. Try bath bombs or bubble bath. I don’t like having a hair wash so can take some time for me to agree to one

  • With questions about personal hygiene, you really have opened a can of worms.

    My experience is that personal hygiene and what is considered normal, is relative.  It depends on the family situation and the world outside the family.

    As a child, I was shunned by neighbours and at school for many reasons, some behavioural others because of my poor hygiene. Such as torn, dirty clothes and smelling because of infrequent bathing.  But this bad hygiene was considered normal inside the family home.

    As I grew older and started mixing with others my hygiene improved, but this created problems at home.  My mother started to shout at me for having baths too often, ' you only had a bath last week!',  in some families having a bath once a week is considered poor hygiene, In my house I was made to feel an outcast who abused the facilities.

    Another ridiculous example is hand washing.  By the time I was in my twenties I was washing my hands before and after meals and after visiting toilets.  Anything wrong with that?   I thought not.

    Then, we had a relative as a house guest for several weeks and all the complaints about me came out.  Before I started to eat a plate of sandwiches with my hands, I went off to the bathroom to wash my hands. My mother started complaining to this lady that I was a weirdo who always washes his hands before meals,  the young lady went off into hysterical laughter, agreeing that I really was a weirdo. I'm 99% certain that was sarcasm.

    The moral is that with personal hygiene you can never satisfy everyone all the time.

  • I've been in polish army too, it's quite and experience shower together, naked, no stands to put a soap

    no more stupid boyish jokes about sexual prowess afterwards

    I prefer hot steaming tub then a shower now.

    When I was 10 mom was making me wash myself once a week, I could go with that, more often no go definitely

  • Would she have an old fashioned flannel wash where she could have a special flannel that was the right texture, colour or pattern? A bath mat that feels good to stand on? She could even use a bowl and have the wash where ever she felt comfortable. She could control the lighting, have music, even have her favourite TV show or film on.

    My teenage daughter is the opposite. Her bedtime washing routine has to be done no matter how tired she is, or how late it is. Going to bed is a routine that takes two hours. She can not contemplate not washing, or washing her hair nightly.

  • I was fired sixteen years ago for not showering. It was more poor time-management than overload. However, I learned as I went along.

  • i dont wash as much as i should or as much as other people. cant explain why. I force myself when going to doctor/ dentist. 

    this was a massive advantage in the polish army where u go for weeks without touching water. There, I also I learnt/was taught how to babywipe myself down ---  or hand fannel myself clean.

    there does come a point when i think "right u need a shower". 

    i know that NTs are also prone to this as well ( in the polish army again ),,,, I mean the army spent time and effort teaching young people ( 17/18/19 yr olds ) how to look after themselves and take pride in your appearance as u represent your unit at all times.. It was rated as an important thing for overall morale and health. It was so particular going to lecture on "Cleaning yourself" 

    so i think maybe on one new attempt would be to find videos on "how and why you should shower/look after yourself" so the message is coming from someone else. 

  • The experience of a shower can be a bit overloading - temperature changes, water tickling as it runs down the body, hair getting heavy, strong smells of shampoo and soap, confined space, echo sounds, skin feeling odd afterwards - so lots of trigger points to avoid.    You're also going from a static point of comfort to deliberately make herself uncomfortable - why would she want to do that?

    How does she react to a bath?    You might need to get toiletries without scent too.