Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I'm Sally.
I'm new and here to get to know more about myself and autism. I don't really understand it much. I mean I know I struggle a lot with certain things but I don't really get why that is, my doctor never explained it and now that I'm an adult I feel sort of my own in the world. Am fortunate to have a wonderfully supportive family though.
Another problem I'm facing is a mental one. I wonder if I've got a personality problem or something similar because always I feel like more than one person, every day I'm walking and living as 3-5 different people and juggling all that with my illness and life itself is becoming hard work. Is this something anyone else deals with? This problem is becoming a bigger problem and more awkward as it affects different parts of my life. Its cost me a job before and also ruined a relationship for me
But that's enough of the depressing stuff.
I live by the sea in a sweet little cottage and I also host my own book club which I hope to get back to when lock down restrictions have been lifted, if my health and sight remain good that is.
Sally xx
Hello Sally, welcome and thanks for the intro! A lot of what you say resonates with me, even the notion of different persona and things becoming worse during life.
It sounds very nice, where you live.
Oh I know right it's terrible isn't it! I suppose it could be worse but it can be hard to deal with so much all at once.
Oh it is lovely. From the window you can see the ocean and there's an old outbuilding behind the cottage. I spend a lot of time in there.
not wishing to get too heavy and all that...on a nice friday... it's actually other people who really have an issue with my persona and give me grief about them. I only have 3-4. And since they are all me, well, I can't figure out what to do. This is an interesting topic to bring up and not mentioned much, as far as I know.
I only suffer when I get a feeling I am floating above real life and not really in it.
Dear both of you....I tried to avoid triggering myself ..."oh but now I am a teeny bit hooked". Do either of you see anyone professional about this? Or how to reduce them? I became a different one at work today but now I hate myself and i get fleeting, not serious but escapist sui*idal feelings when I have to switch back.
this is something I might try too ( I hope you don't mind me joining in again). I have not tried 7 cups either.
One of my personas is a completely spontaneous "say yes to everything" person who just crashes along and makes havoc and fun but ends up in trouble, such as staying out all night or wandering off without telling anyone. It is chaotic and completely irresponsible.
I have a theory ( which I keep mostly to myself as I don't want to offend others with my quack self diagnosis) that my personas developed due to a very strict childhood with rituals and rules and having to fit in and behave in a very exact way, and threatened with violence or other punishment if I didn't. I was also abused and had to deal with that. Having undiagnosed autism meant that I was not only masking in social situations but prevented from being free, therefore curating distinct roles that I played for days or months at a time and these have developed into full-blown personas.
I have experimented with having 3 online personas on a particular social media channel in order to give them each an outlet and a voice. They are all distinct, but I am discovering one I particularly like (it is not the reckless one). But I found it exhausting. I am really ready to do something more therapeutic, and I had never thought about telling anyone, so thanks a lot both of you for this chat, I got so much out of it that I can't even write here.
thanks for the compliment you are very kind.
the key to meditation is
1. whatever type u choose,,, do it everyday, without fail eg 10mins ,,, a small amount each day is better then 70mins once a week,,,,, start at 1 min then 5, 10,
2. remember - even when u feel it has gone badly u are actually still progressing
3. everything you need is online and free. just ask me if need me.
see u later
I'm sorry to hear about Keira, she doesn't sound like a good persona to have around. I'm fortunate that mine don't really get nasty, they can get low but never too bad.
Your meditation sounds like a great thing! I'm going to look in to meditation now as well. It's something I always thought of doing but haven't done yet, but now I think it's time to give it a go. Your routine sounds like a great one and also seems like it helps you a lot now as well. I have been on 7 Cups in the past as well. It can be helpful talking to people who are in the same or similar situation to you.
Great job on the meditation, I hope it continues to help.
You are a beautiful person, keep smiling!