:(

I’ve fallen in to a deep dark hole, mentally that is. I have Aspergers and will be 24 next February. I live alone and I have no one in my life who cares about me or loves me. I’m anxious, I’m depressed and I suffer from PTSD having seen my poor sis killed at the roadside. I suffer from sleepless nights because of nightmares and my head is tight all the time like someone’s pressing it hard. I hate life and I see no reason for me to even be here. The woman who bore me hates me and nobody else wants to know me. Every day I sit in my little home just staring at the wall thinking how nice it must be to just fall asleep and never wake again-no worries, no cares, just silence and bliss peace.
I feel like I’m alone in this world and no one gets me. They just see me like some girl who makes out that her problems are big when in fact they’re small. Well that’s not true. I should matter. I should be loved and cared for and my problems are big and they are killing me slowly but surely.

I just want to be loved but no one loves me. If I died today no one in my life would give a damn.

:( Please just someone help me through this. I just want someone to talk to

Parents
  • I'm not feeling good. I phoned my gp but they can't see me at the moment and I've got to keep taking the pills. I've also started harming myself :( it makes me feel a little better and the pain I feel like I deserve it. I think I cut my hand to deep because it still hurts now and I'm worried it's going to get Infectious.

    My parents even want to know me still. I just have no one and nothing in my life. Literally here you are the only people who would care if anything happen to me. But you shouldn't because I'm not worth your time I'm just sad lonely girl who has nothing left in her life.

  • That seems a good reason to care.

    Have you washed your hand thoroughly under the tap and bandaged it?  Here are instructions off the NHS website, pooh, that took long enough to find.

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cuts-and-grazes/

    Personally I'd also recommend taking 500mg of vitamin C if you can get it, although I don't know if you can with all the shops shut.  It makes scabs heal up twice as fast when I take it, it's quite noticeable, and is also supposed to be reasonable as an antibacterial, so it seems like it can't do any harm.  (I use the straight ascorbic acid powder and if something does look as if it's getting infected I mix some with water and put it on the place itself, and it seems to work.)

    You do not deserve to be hurt, you're doing nobody any harm. I kind of know what you mean, you get to thinking that if you punish yourself enough you will earn something good happening to you, like you have to pay for it!  It won't work!  I know what you mean about pain making you feel better though, that's a separate thing.  Try just digging your nails in next time.  That way you're not breaking the skin so you can't get an infection, also you can keep doing it instead of it just being for a moment and then you're on your own again.

    (I've never (intentionally) cut myself though, but I sometimes beat myself up with my fists and that.  I don't think when most people say "don't beat yourself up about it" they mean it literally  :-D  )

Reply
  • That seems a good reason to care.

    Have you washed your hand thoroughly under the tap and bandaged it?  Here are instructions off the NHS website, pooh, that took long enough to find.

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cuts-and-grazes/

    Personally I'd also recommend taking 500mg of vitamin C if you can get it, although I don't know if you can with all the shops shut.  It makes scabs heal up twice as fast when I take it, it's quite noticeable, and is also supposed to be reasonable as an antibacterial, so it seems like it can't do any harm.  (I use the straight ascorbic acid powder and if something does look as if it's getting infected I mix some with water and put it on the place itself, and it seems to work.)

    You do not deserve to be hurt, you're doing nobody any harm. I kind of know what you mean, you get to thinking that if you punish yourself enough you will earn something good happening to you, like you have to pay for it!  It won't work!  I know what you mean about pain making you feel better though, that's a separate thing.  Try just digging your nails in next time.  That way you're not breaking the skin so you can't get an infection, also you can keep doing it instead of it just being for a moment and then you're on your own again.

    (I've never (intentionally) cut myself though, but I sometimes beat myself up with my fists and that.  I don't think when most people say "don't beat yourself up about it" they mean it literally  :-D  )

Children
  • Your GP should have a duty of care.....You need to explain you have self harmed..

    Its a vicious circle....One i went through for close to a year back in 1987....im neatly 52 now....I'll never get rid of the scars.....so please....from someone who has done it.....please stop as it will become a physical momentary high and cognitive...but in reality...when that illusion passes....youre in a much worse state...

    I only wish i had been diagnosed with Autism when i was younger...I was diagnosed last yr at 51....its genuinely a miracle im still here....

    So pls call the gp and explain politely...they have a duty of care and youre clearly at your wits end bless you...

  • Good work April.  Well done.  Any luck yet? 

    Try and make sure they don't forget about looking into your sleep problem.  With some doctors there can be a tendency, as soon as they hear that you're suicidal or self-harming, to focus only on that and forget about the actual things that are causing it, as if "suicidal" or "self-harming" were conditions in themselves rather than symptoms.  Which is understandable (it's rather an urgent problem!), but rather a short-term policy.  I may be worrying about nothing of course and your doctor is one of the ones that can remember about the other stuff.

  • Thanks for finding that page for me. My hand is still painful but I'm hoping it won't need to be treated.

    That's the weird thing I just want to cause myself more pain but I'm trying to get my thoughts clear because I know next time I'll go to far and I'm scared of that. I'm calling my gp today