Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I guess, I don't know what to write really and feel abit overwhelmed but I have been a reader for a few months now and want to attempt to engage. I am a 31 y/o male who is now seeking a diagnosis for asd and am the 'further assessment list' after a few visits to the GP.
I have always been a 'bit different' with very few friends across my life. I have had on and off very bad mental health 2014 was my darkest year with some serious suicide contemplation's. I still live my mother and dog. My younger seemingly NT brother moved out some time ago and is moving down south very soon. My father is estranged and I haven't seen him I believe since 2012. I have been lucky in some respects I have had a lot and love and support from my ever loving and patient mum! I started looking towards a direction in looking for a ASD diagnosis in a journey which involved a battle with alcoholism which started late in 2018. I have done well and I don't drink anymore and I have learned a lot about myself. A few people had put some things to me in regard to myself perhaps being on some sort of spectrum various times over the years and the work I have done on myself last year made me realise that yes things were beginning to make sense after much research predictably.
I have been in a job in the same workplace for many years I am extremely overwhelmed with long hours at the moment I hope I am well on the way to making a change I've had a few interviews lined up with one being today. I have became alot more self-aware and acknowledge and try to account for my limitations. I have a habit of speaking about myself and my issues but I struggle to still process my thoughts in an orderly fashion and miss things out which is why my introduction probably seems abit non-linear and fragmented.
My 'special interests' is football facts, weather and I am fond of driving up and down the country and visiting new places. My purpose of coming on here is to try and engage and pick up more and more knowledge and more coping strategies as well as hopefully trying to support others.
Thankyou for reading through all of this
Welcome 'Home!'
I have had Mental Health issues all my adult life - diagnosed with Schizophrenia, but have Bipolar traits.
My main issue is GETTING a job to start. 80% of my experience was voluntary, and now I'm in a position where I have to provide for myself.
Good that you have a furbaby. There’s a cat roaming about my place, which I provide crunchies to. Since her arrival, my place has been mouse-free.
Hello and welcome! I have some things in common ( a job, long hours, dark episodes) and i identify with several things in your intro in my own situation including feeling overwhelmed when I first started posting. I'm post diagnosis, and there are a lot of us who recently went through the whole process, so I encourage you to join in.
I found I got too busy commenting and replying at first, lol, but I have calmed down a bit now and found a rhythm.
Thanks for reading through it does seem our life paths have taken of a similar trajectory. Autism is very lonely sometimes and I find myself pushing people away as well at times. But I have started to see chinks of light upon my journey with overcoming my alcohol addiction, I have connected with a few people in my recovery environment and I'm slowly building structure to my life where there was none whatsoever before. There's alot to work on still but with a massive amount of effort I can see a world where life can become more manageable sometimes. I hope you can find your way Buddylove and find a way of making life more comfortable
Hi red dog.
I read through this and saw my own experience of life. I got diagnosed last yr at 30yrs old. And tbh all I have in life is my mum and my dog.
Autism has left me very lonely person coz people don't understand me. I've changed so many jobs over the years and they all get to me in the end.
I never turned to alcohol as such but had to have my weekend drunk sessions to forget how I feel. I have used drugs to numb the pain but all that did was give me a heart defect.
I've suffered with depression bad since i was 16 and noone ever got why, even tho I'd tell them I hate being different I'm always picked on for it I want to be normal and have normal friends. Due to my depression and a mental abuser of an ex I have tried to end my life but something always stops me from completing.
I know I should be happy I have the love and support of my mum. But sometimes u just need more.
Thanks for your input again, I'm definately going to give it a shot
no problem at all. I do 10 minute meditations in work at my desk sitting on a chair - I do it in my breaks and lunch time. Many people use the apps but use whatever works for you --- but point is to do it --- even failing at meditation is good for you. The attempt registers deep in your mind " I am changing ".
Thanks for the reply Aidie I have changed my name based on your advice. I selected Red Dog because I'm a very big and proud Nottingham Forest supporter especially after winning tonight! I have explored mindfulness in my alcohol recovery funnily enough and actually attended a weekly class which did help. I know practising mediation is an art form and I should look at that more to help with anxiety. I really should start at looking at doing it even for10 minutes per day even when I go to bed to be honest. I have downloaded the apps for it previously. I will show the text, thankyou for your welcome and helpful suggestions
ideally change the NAS66142 to a name or ID u like so we can all remember u better. ahhh u have a dog as do I. I fought and won the battle against alcohol as well. That is a major victory. It shows you are capable of so much !
Reading your introduction is awesome because you also have managed to get a job as well :) and looking for another job. Its always good to have a look around and see if you can improve your job satisfaction.
after I stopped drinkng ( 7 years ago now ) I taught myself meditation. I used this to reduce my anxiety ( and at the time depression ). I practice my meditation everyday ( that is the key to succeeding with meditation ). I would defo recommend it. But run it by your mum as well.
Tip :Start with mindfulness meditation.
It can be as little as 10 minutes per day but I do 20-30 minutes per day and today I did 3 hours ! ( due to the bad weather and I couldnt get out for long in my garden).
Meditation is hard very hard in the beginnng but I just kept doing it. I watched 100s of videos on Youtube on guided meditations. I read at least 7 books on meditation and mindfulness ( all from charity shops and/or my library )
If your mum has a garden get out and help her to garden, plant thing,cut hedges cut grass etc. ( this is "meditation by doing" ). If u have no garden get u and your mum or a friend to do regular walks in forests or country side or beach ( take your dog of course ). Again this is "meditation by doing".
I used mindfulness( formal meditation and daily exercises ) -- to reduce anxiety, create a calmer me
i used meditation ( "following breath" - "watching thoughts") - to get more control /understanding of what is going on in my head. I used it to stop recurring bad/negative thoughts and to think differently from my entrenched ways. I still occasionally have suidical thoughts ( I was much worse ) but now they have reduced to almost completely gone and if they do appear I can now manage them quite easily which pleased me no end :)
i used meditation ( "focusing on cande" or any object ) - to increase my concentration.
the meditation/mindfulness gave me more control of my mind and also I started looking after myself better as well eg going to dentist, cleanng my clothes, hair, face, toes. I also stopped over working too much, carrying work worries home, and handling stress in my work better.
show your mum this text and see what she thinks.
best wishes Aidie