Gay and Aspie

This is difficult for any young person.  My personal advice, which may be wrong. would advise her not to say anything to other children at this stage as it could lead to bullying.  At school you could speak to the SENCO to see if she could get some counselling/ guidance.  CAMHS might also be useful but they are generally very slow to be seen.  I would also keep an eye on self harming over the next few years, 1 in 12 girls self harm so its very common and her profile would suggest this would make her a 'higher-than-normal' risk child in relation to this.  

I am now tutoring (including online tutoring) ASD pupils.  I have run ASD provisions in a similar role to a SENCO for over 20 years and home schooled my son. [Removed by Moderator due to breaking rules 7 and 2 of the Online Community. More info here: https://community.autism.org.uk/p/rules].

Yes, of course, this is normal. I'm glad you are not saying this is not the case. I'm glad you don't deny her homosexuality. I think you reacted very correctly to her coming out.

Ah, reminds me of myself! I was diagnosed as autistic and came out as a lesbian both when I was 12. In terms of info, PFLAG has some good resources on when children come out. I'd also say that a good general guide is to support her no matter whether you "believe" that she's gay or not- maybe that label will change, maybe it won't, but what she'll remember is that you supported her through it.

It's understandable that you want your daughter's life to be easy and for her to be included, but her life would be much harder if she was gay and felt she had to keep it a secret. It sounds like you've raised her in an environment where she feels safe to be herself, so that's a real positive.

Being gay is just as much a part of her identity as being autistic. As long as you love her and embrace who she is, you're doing all you can. 

Just remember The Media only seems to focus of Male Perverts, who quite often appear to me to be driven on their quest by repititious behaviour of befriending others. Commonsense should be that there will be Female Perverts, Gay, or otherwise determined on their behaviour.

Unfortunately You have to teach your daughter respecting her age. Not to trust Others Male, or Female, sometimes together as a team, just as other Children have to be taught to be wary. Just as you were hopefully!

As I said before Her Guidance is You and your own experiences.

I expect like all Children She will even rebel as part of the process of Growing up Frustration.of having to wait before.she is able to become a Responsible Adult.. 

I worry that being gay and Aspergers will make things harder for her. I'm trying to navigate autism but she is the only one that really knows what it's like, then and being gay to the mix and I'm lost. 

She has many gay positive roll models in her life, and personally I really don't see it as a problem. 

I've told her I don't care, she is who she is, but I do worry for her.

I have also read that there are lots of LGBTI autistics.

I can only give you my opinion writing as the father of 6 boys and Girls the youngest Son is severely autistic who has no Idea about sexuality, other he has on his own drawn a Line on his Outer pair of Double Y fronted Pants he wears about the home. He is now 37, as his Autism is so profound He would become a serious problem if some do-gooder, or social worker tried to introduce him to a a sexual partner. It  would be an abuse of a Vulnerable person. He lives in a Cartoon World.to make sense of it.

Now Your Problem, There is no problem in any child of 12, or of any age come to that. for them to have a special friend of any sex. Any sexual activity should not be encouraged, as this would be unlawful, or discouraged other than common sense.

All Children from about the age of about 10 in my case, start to notice that babies are the result of a special relationship with their Mother and Father. By the age 12, more so in Girls than with Boys who used to sexually develop later. Their Hormones that  control  sexual recognition behavior seem to be exaggerated. With younger girls preferring older boyfriends and its sexual risks as badge of their prowess among their female friends.

Bearing in mind  what is Lawful. All young children should get a anti viral injection for Warts to prevent Cervical Cancer developing, or being spread. There are too many infections that can be transmitted by close contact un-wittingly especially when a little older and perhaps taking hollidays abroad and being vulnerable.

We as parents left it to the school to sexually educate our Children its a bumpy road.

But Remember They will take their main Guidance from your own behaviour.that is their normality.  

Thank you

Hello Laina

Following on from the community feedback you have received...you may find these couple of links helpful for you as well...

https://www.autism.org.uk/professionals/training-consultancy/courses/sexuality-relationships-and-autism.aspx

https://www.autism.org.uk/about/stories/eva-gibbs.aspx

I hope you find something useful

Best Wishes

Lorraine Mod

I have read somewhere that being gay seem s to be common in autism (relatively speaking considering autistic people are a minority.) my advice would be to take her seriously. But remember she is only 12. However I wouldn’t suggest to her it’s jist a phase. As it may well not be. Other than that, just accept her as she is let her know you accept her sexuality whatever it may be

Hi. What information are you looking for specifically - autism/sexuality/both?

I'm not a parent, but I'm an autistic adult, so I'll help if I can.