Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I am here to ask if there is anyone else in the same boat? I've not posted in any forums before but I would like to chat and share experiences with others in a similar position. I am mum to a 16 year old girl with an Asperger's diagnosis, a son (7) who is currently going through assessment for ASD, an NT daughter (6) and an ASD husband (undiagnosed but in agreement he is on the spectrum). They are all high functioning and the children are in mainstream education. My husband has worked away from home for the last two years but comes home on a weekend. I work two jobs (it helps to keep me sane) around them so I am always there when they need me and I am able to do school runs and be 'Mum's taxi'. I am also on various professional governing bodies and committees, so all in all I am a fairly busy and logically minded, practical person. I don't like to dwell on things and try to see the positive for the most part. What I find hardest is the lack of support from my husband and the absence of an emotional connection. He has his strengths for sure (he provides for us well financially speaking) but as far as his contribution to supporting me or the children, well there is none. I accept this as part of being in a marriage with him, so no I am not wanting to leave or anything like that. I do try to take my emotional connections in the form of friendships with my good friends who share similar interests (we have sewing and craft days at my house or meet for lunch etc). While they are lovely and are sympathetic, I do feel a lack of being understood. Not their fault at all, I mean why would they get it? I would love to hear from people who understand the complexities of living in the same world and what you do to keep your stamina and strength up? What are your coping mechanisms and how does your relationship with your NT children differ from that of your ASD babies? My children are quick to fly into rage so you can imagine days out with them and any social events have to be carefully thought out. I am well beyond the point of being shown up in public and I really couldn't care less about negative comments from bystanders. Water off a duck's back. Nope, no parent shaming lands on these shoulders, haha. Is there anyone else out there who can relate?
Hi my sons are diagnosed asd, I have asd too and when I found out about myself and researched everything I could about asd I'm pretty sure my husbands on the spectrum. He wont even contemplate the idea though.
I'm pretty sure my asd helps me understand my sons more but I struggle with my husband tbh.
If we go out anywhere new I prepare the boys. We look online at the venue, chat about our plans, have questions and answers. Their like me and dont like suprises. I cant handle suprises. I cant comment on nt children however. To cope I let myself be immersed in my interests, reading, history, gardening. I do get overwhelmed and anxious but that's just life for me as its always been. I've visited a couple of support groups before I was diagnosed and I hated them. One was full of irrelevant chat from gossipy mums. The other group everyone spoke at once and it was chaos. I also answered most of the 'why does my asd adult son do so and so' as it was obvious to me. I'm guessing now as I think alike
Hello,
I can’t give you first hand advice about this.
You may find joining a local support group for parents of autistic children helpful. There may be someone in the position as you in a local group. You can search for a group by entering your postcode on this NHS page: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/Autism-support-groups/LocationSearch/310
Different Together is a support community for partners of people with Aspergers: https://different-together.co.uk/