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Hey everyone...new here, could do with some help.

JamesG
over 4 years ago

Hi guys, 

I have no idea where to start with this and I could do with some help. I'm here because I've struggled all my life with what *I think* must be Asperger's. I don't have an official diagnosis, nothing concrete to go on. Over the past few months, I've worked through several online tests which suggest I may have Asperger's and I think I express many of the typical behavioural and social indicators. I think the penny dropped when I watched a documentary presented by Chris Packham a couple of years ago, in which he was discussing Asperger's. I sat there thinking, wow, I can relate to everything he is saying! Whatever is going on, I am incapable of making friends. I've had a small number of friends throughout my life but they have been and gone. I'm 34, I have a successful career, but no friends whatsoever. I get on well with colleagues although small talk makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm socially awkward, but I think I generally mask this quite well.  I prefer to be on my own when the prospect of a social situation arises, but I can also feel very lonely. I guess my question is...what can I do to help myself? How do people deal with this? 

Thanks for reading. It would be great to hear back from someone. 

  • over 4 years ago in reply to raspberry

    Thanks raspberry...yeah, me too :( The lonely existence is easier isn't it?! Definitely know all about being awkward :-D I've gotten a lot better at faking social-ness, thinking back to how I used to be as a kid...so that's something but yes, it's all about projecting a different version of your true self. It's good to know I'm not alone!

  • over 4 years ago in reply to JamesG

    Ahhh I really do think I understand.  I’m a nearly 32 female, only diagnosed a month ago, but I’ve been faking some sort of social-ness my whole life and come across “nice and friendly” (also very awkward ha ha) but I hold myself back and no one knows my true self.  It is very lonely yet the alternative is very scary so this lonely existence is easier! :(

  • over 4 years ago

    Thanks raspberry and RSxo for responding :) RSxo that's a really nice summary, and yes, that's it raspberry - I can't maintain deeper friendships either. I don't feel able to connect others on anything but a very superficial level. This has been my life for as long as I can remember and it's suddenly dawned on me that I'm very lonely.  I've always felt more comfortable on my own but it's not how I want my life to be. I've been told that I'm friendly...someone yesterday even said I was delightful! I try to be friendly, to engage in small talk, but it's exhausting somehow. I don't know if the situation will ever change. I've done quite a lot of volunteering, but again, the friendships just don't take off even though I get on really well with people. I sometimes wonder if I'm emitting some negative vibes that make me come across as stand-offish or something. Obviously I have some sort of guard up, but no idea how to take it down when it's who I am. 

    Anyway, I'll keep smiling :) 

    Thanks for the welcome Bagpuss7. 

    It's good to meet you guys. 

  • over 4 years ago

    Hey :) 

    One way of looking at it is like a gamble. You put your time and effort into making friends, hoping that it will pay off in the form of close friends. But if you have a condition like autism, that reduces your odds of winning. In this case, some people will keep playing in the hope of making long-lasting friendships, while others will decide it is not worth spending valuable time and effort on, or reduce the amount of importance they place on it.

    It sounds like you want to keep pursuing friendship. I'm not too sure on how to go about doing so (I'm in a similar boat!), but keep smiling and being friendly, and hopefully you get what you're looking for! 

    Wishing you the best!x

    Much love <3

  • over 4 years ago

    You sound exactly like me! 31, just diagnosed with aspergers and excellent at masking on the surface but my life is very different from others my age.  I get on well with colleagues but can not maintain a deeper friendship.  

    Hope reading on here helps you feel less alone :)