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Newly diagnosed ASD for my son aged 9

Kazzie

Hi everyone

I am new here and my son is newly diagnosed with ASD, query ADHD, and fine motor dyspraxia.  If you saw him now, there's nothing to 'see'. If you spoke to him now he'd reply very eloquently, in fact he'd speak first and you'd be hard pressed to get a word in edge ways.  He has no apparent learning difficulties cognitively though he's extremely slow at writing. He's smiley and very socialable hence nobody could see where I was coming from with my concerns for such a long time, and his school still doesn't. We were disgnosed on Friday and I am going into school to tell them in the morning, ahead of the consultant's letter.  They've never said that he's naughty, in fact they are steadfast that he's not, but they've often said he's hyper sensitive, immature, short attention, talks far too much in class and so in went on...... People around us have all said that he can't possibly be ASD because of the social perception of autism of being withdrawn, no/little speech etc (their words, not mine).  All I want is for the necessary allowances made for him that he needs.  I want school to try and understand him and work with him and to stop shouting at him all of the time.  He often asks what he's done so wrong for everyone to get at him all of the time.  The part that has really broken my heart is that all this time, his constant, incessant talking for which he is notorious for, is due to high anxiety. I knew that he talked most when near the people that he believed didn't like him and he is very much a 'people pleaser' but he's been told off so much for this, how do I make them stop shouting?  How do I go from being labelled an over anxious Mum to being listened to as the Mum of a boy diagnosed with ASD?  I'm not convinced now, that his school is where he should stay but how do I find a school that will be good for him?  What questions and signs should I look for in a good school for ASD children? From year 7 onwards I am happy because the school he will go to is noted for it's facilities and ethos towards SEN both academically and the emotional/social needs, but that's 2 years away and even another term is too long for my little man to be unhappy!

I have older children, 2 girls aged 11 and 17 and they are great with their brother.

Bit of a long intro, oops, sorry :0)

Kazzie x

  • hi - the school obviously has no idea how to interact with your son so any info from yourself and your consultant shd be helpful as long as they take notice of it and act upon it.  I wd ask the consultant if he can be exact in his letter, so if s/he thinks your son needs 1-1 for example, that it's put in the letter, rather than a vaguer phrase which they can get out of.  When I 1st came on this board I mentioned that vacant stare parents/carers of people with autism get from various "professionals" who haven't a clue about autism but think they have.  It's a real heart sinker.  You end up trying to educate, fill the gaps, cajole, train etc etc.  You have to know when to stop all that otherwise you prolong an unsatisfactory (or worse) situation.  See how willing his school is to make adjustments, then take things a step further if you're unhappy.  He shdn't be getting shouted at.

  • Thank you Someone. The consultant is writing to school but told me to tell them in the meantime to get the ball rolling.

    Yes it is the staff shouting at him and have even had to call me, to tell me how upset he's been in the past but they still did it. He has been diagnosed with hyper sensory processing so you are quite right, he has noise sensitivity. I've now told him to put his hands over his ears if they shout and I am going to tell them that if he does that, he must not be told off for it. 

    Thank  you for your advice about giving them info :0)

  • hi kazzie, well, id start by collecting a few bits of ino for then on asd and asking if they could read it, obviously try to make it short, one page (not easy considering how large an issue it is, but if you have it too long they probably wont bother reading it)

    whos shouting? the teachers? id ask them why they are shouting at pupils first but thats just me i cant keep my mouth shut either Laughing, id explain that shouting doesnt work with asd and infact will  probably only serve to stress and frustrate him even more as well as them due to the fact asd usually comes along with sensitivty to noises

    suggest they talk to him instead of shout, he is capable of understanding fine if its explained to him in a way autistics can understand it, but shouting isnt doing that as he still doesnt understand whats being said to him/asked of him

    basically its asking them to acknowledge HIS needs as well as theirs and other pupils, he has different needs, and learns in a slightly different way to 'neurotypicals' -(me and you and all non autistics)

    can you get an official letter from the doctor/specialist who diagnosed him and give it to them? that would be a great help because its not coming from you, its coming from a an 'authority'

    i know how you feel about the 'invisible disability' part of it all, my partner, who has aspergers, is always greeted with 'oh you dont seem/look like you have autism' 

    you just gotta ignore that and give them evidence, ie letter and talk tot hem about what he needs

    same with the 'over anxious mum' thing, just ignore it, it doesnt matter, as long as you can get what you and he need they can think what they want about you