Flapping Hands - can you control it?

Hi, I am in my thirties and feel lost.

I am not diagnosed as Autistic but seem to experience a fair few Autism "traits", but, the one thing that seems to be on my mind alot recently is my hands.

I have flapped my hands for as long as I can remember, but, as a child I was taught that this is not acceptable behaviour - often being told that I look silly, daft or stupid. As a result I learned how to control my hands enough to do it only when on my own - often retreating to the bathroom to "flap". My partner caught me flapping one day when I didn't realise I wasn't alone. After badgering me and reasuring me, I spoke about it and from that point it was accepted as part of me. I no longer needed to hide it at home; however, I now find myself flapping more and more and for something that I had under control for such a long time, I am finding it get more and more out of control. I am yet to do it in public, but, I have noticed slipping up and doing it when I don' think anyone it watching, this is something that I was able to control before and now it feels like I am no longer in control of it at all and am concerned I will one day get spotted by friends/family. My parents believe that I stopped flapping my hands when I was a child and have no idea that I suspect I maybe on the Spectrum. 

Have you every felt the need to control your stimming? Is this a normal feeling? I only know Autistics that stim the way that I do (flap my hands in front of my eyes while looking at specific things and listening to the noise my fingers make when doing it). I know I shouldn't be ashamed of my flapping, but I am painfully aware that it would make me stand out more than I already do (I believe that I come across a little "odd").

I suppose I just need someone to talk to. I am aware that my life is more chaotic now that I have children and maybe this is a way of me coping, subconciously? Has anyone got any ideas on how to deal with the additional stress that comes with the chaos of a family?

Sorry for banging on, hope you all have a good evening.

Good Night.

Intrigue