Hello all. I am new. My 7yo is on the spectrum. How can I best support him?

Hi I would say if you can find a way however you can to get him the help he needs even if you have to go private. My son diagnose at 18 and now faceing a whole storm of problems..including attempted suicide. You must go to some kind of therapist who speicialise in autism to give him tools to cope later in life..I am not talking about so you can get him to fit in with the world even if it make him sad..I am talking about the fact that they can go on to develop other comorbiditys which means if left alone they can develop other personality dissorder or depressin etc. Sorry to be so blunt but I wish someone had said this to me all those yrs ago. Everything needs to be done asap and not left at all. If possible try to keep the friendships he has as routines ( with people who you trust a lot people you know will be around a long time that will stay into teens and adulthood) keep the routine say for example he meets with billy at drawing class every tuesday try to maybe gently change and keep those routine for him ie i know kids change as they grow up but with autism its all about the routine . We moved before he was diagnosed and he lost his friends and was never able to form new ones. So keep things the same believe me it is nothing gained by changing anything. Hope that helped I think I have carer burn out at this point so i try to be helpfull but dont always suceed.

Hiya,

I don't think it's ever too early. i think it's a bit like 'the birds and the bees talk'. don't drown him in information that he won't understand. just explain that he has something that makes him a little different (autism) and that is why he struggles with friends and there are lots of people with the same thing that struggle with it too. but his autism is like a super power because it means that he is really clever and makes people happy etc. 

and maybe talk to him about a going to a group with other autistic children. his classmates don't need to be told unless you/him want them to know.

I am still trying to work out what i am supposed to do after the diagnosis. i have found that i was given the diagnosis and then had to fend for myself. personally the diagnosis was enough for me, i did my own research and started to love myself for who i am. A psychologist might not be a bad idea so they can explain it to your child as i assume they are probably quite experienced in that sort of thing.

just make sure you talk to him about it being a good thing and it makes him really cool etc. As my cousin got a diagnosis at 8 and we totally failed at explaining and he got really upset because he thought he was missing something and was broken. We ended up telling him that he wasn't missing anything, he had something extra which meant he was even better than everyone else

Alisha xx

Would he like to try an organised group, maybe one of the uniformed groups, a sports club or other activity-based programme? Several autistic kids that I know locally are involved with uniformed youth groups. One older lad (15) is about to finish his Duke of Edinburgh's Bronze Award with the local Boys Brigade. Last year we had two autistic brothers, a Beaver Scout (7) and a Cub Scout (9), taking an active part in our church Remembrance Day service, one laying a cross on a war grave in the churchyard, and his older brother reading the Kohima epitaph very confidently.

I was in both Scouts and Cadets as a kid and learned a lot of useful soft skills. The first few nights camping away from my parents were a bit daunting but made me a lot more independent and self-reliant.  You need to find a group with a Leader who is autism-aware or prepared to find out, maybe one where there are other neurodiverse kids.

You are more than welcome, we are here to support each other, 

As for your sons disclosure definitely talk to his school they may offer something in the way if a brief chat with the children about alot of different problems that people can have and how it is not a bad thing, this was one of the ways the subject was brought up in our school that way it did not single out one child but still made children aware that not everyone thinks the same way, but it is entirely up to you. 

Thanks for the comment about the "quirkiness"  it just seemed to fit! Even her teachers have started referring to it as such 

Local support groups can be fantastic. I didn't bother for ages as I felt I didn't belong as she isn't diagnosed but I spoke to the organisers who said that didn't matter and when I went and found so many parents that had been through what we are going through it was so nice and really a massive weight off as I didn't feel so alone in my struggles.

Good luck x

Thank you so much for taking the time to post a reply. It feels great and reassuring to have some support. I will definitely join a local support group. I have reservations about disclosing the diagnosis to his classmates at this stage, I don't want him to feel different and be the target of bullies. I will raise that with the school though, it's always nice to get different point of views. Love that you call it her "quirkiness". Bless her. Hope you get an assessment soon, it was a long wait for us. All the best

Hi My daughter is going to be 8 in a few days and we are trying to get her assessed, she is also bright but struggles with friends she has one and she is her sole focus which causes problems. 

We have not discussed asd with her as she has no formal diagnosis and we didn't want her going in to school and saying something and it leading to bullying as she isn't diagnosed yet. We call it her "quirkiness"  she receives counselling in school for anxiety and the school are fully aware of her issues and limitations we have a support worker who meets with us regularly to help push for diagnosis. 

I also work in the school and know there are several other children with asd who have been diagnosed and full disclosure made to classmates at the age of 5 now these children are in year 4 all these children are settled and as the other children have always know about the difference they don't see it as a problem as such we found the bullying doesn't happen (not saying it never will but hasn't yet) 

Talk to your sons school see what is available from them and their ideas on disclosure also look for local support groups they can be very useful as full of parents that have been there, family support services can help with getting access to support 

Its great you are doing an understanding autism course I myself have done this and several others, just remember that you are not alone and the people in this community are fantastic at helping you to understand behaviours and the thoughts behind them