I presume that whenever an individual joins an on-line forum they have to do this or are compelled to do this, so here I am. I have a thread I want to create in which to ask you for some advice, but till later.
I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, but I am sceptical, and moreover I don't want to live with my condition, but verily have to take it up like Jesus took up the cross.
I am also gay, something which is very shameful indeed. I have to live that and take it up as a cross to bear.
I am also a follower of Friedrich Nietzsche, which means I am trouble for everyone, especially for my family and the government.
I don't work, though I've struggled with every job I have taken. I have interests that consume me, and I don't ever socialise. I am a recluse and have been for more than a decade. Consequently, I don't have friends, peers or associates. There is no point in trying anymore as it always ends in disaster and I self-sabotage.
I have low mood most of the time, but when the sun comes out the mood is lifted. I appreciate the sun a lot, and where the sun is found I am there.
I read many books but not thoroughly. I collect facts. I am an objectivist. I like to do martial arts when I can afford the classes, and I like to do weight training to build muslce and increase testosterone.
Politics? I am Right wing on principle, but with some sense of social justice and so some might think I'm Left wing on that account, and I believe that only the fittest should survive. I am strong willed, but crippled by condition and circumstance, and that is nihilistic and part of this sick modern world, but I fight against it, not as political activism but within myself.
Love? I don't know what that is. I am not likely to experience it in the abstract. I thought I had but it was just lust.
My happiness? I like the Nietzschean formula for happiness: A yes, a No, a stright line, a goal.
Prosperity? No. I've always lived a relatively povertous life even when in work. I have very little desire to harbour riches. I am only interested in surviving and I see no reason to change course. If I was to come into wealth then I would use it to the fullest advantage, but it is folly to seek money. To examine oneself and live a virtuous life in accordance with one's own will and needs is much better. Do not mistake me: I need money to live and I need money to do things, necessity comes first, and that means survival and those that survive are the most worthy of this virtous life.
Drugs? Drink? I have tried many and am wired to seek these experiences out. My last drug was Salvia Divinorum; it was unpleasant but profound. I enjoy Scandinavian cider and have it often.
Family? Some. Family is another cross to bear but sometimes they do lighten the load. Of course they have no idea what my life is like. My mother still treats me like a child.
Health? I am healthy enough in the physical sense, but I am very troubled and that is how it is. There can be no other way. Struggle is life and the more struggle the more you feel alive. Sometimes I seek ill health and depression. It's strange but it works. Sometimes I revel in it - other times I wish it would go away.
Friends? No. None. Can you be friends with me? I doubt it. Ask me how I'm feeling? Give me a cuddle? I doubt that too. Help me? Maybe. That would depend. Help back? Yes. I always give credit where it is due, and I always help those who help me. Why do that? It's reciprocal and it has utility. It also means that a deed has been re-payed. It's a purge of the niggling worm of conscience.
I just joined myself, about 4 hours ago.
Im slowly trying to navigate the site.
Recently diagnosed - 6 months ago.
Welcome. I am also recently diagnosed. I hope you find what you are looking for here.
I am more than happy to be your friend :) i understand the low mood thing it does suck, I am in the LGBTQ community too, I am trans :) this is a welcoming community and people are accepting here :) welcome to the community
ContraManchild said:I am also gay, something which is very shameful indeed.
Can you explain why this is shameful. Is it because you feel (or are made to feel) personally ashamed of it? Or do you think it is a shameful thing generally?
ContraManchild said:I believe that only the fittest should survive.
The fittest in what sense?
Hi Martian Tom, I have been compelled to feel shame on account of my sexual preference by others and by myself. As of yet I have not been able to purge myself of this shame. I apologise if that came across as referring to other gay men and women as well. But as an objectivist and someone who links to think dangerously and play about with perspectivism, I can think that being gay is shameful. What does it mean to be gay? Idenitity? What so you can have special treatment? Oh the shame of that! There's nothing special about being gay anymore. Once it was considered special - it even had its own language known as palare. Not now. Now it is vulgar and what is vulgar is shameful. Mind you some people have no qualms about living in vulgarity. It may even be an enhancer for them. But this is all just perspective.
By being fit we overcome struggles. It's like weight training. You get strong or stronger by meeting resistance. Those who struggle the most and survive are the fittest because they have overcome and have met resistance and got stronger, and as humans we seek to overcome. The individual depends upon overcoming, and what is great about humans is their ability to stand in the face of adversity and overcome it. Of course this is just perspective. It may be the case that in some circumstances the weak are the ones who survive; it's called modernity and there is plenty of weakness about, and not least of all with reference to myself who is also weak but fighting against it.
ContraManchild said:What does it mean to be gay? Idenitity? What so you can have special treatment? Oh the shame of that! There's nothing special about being gay anymore.
Well, I think most of us understand that to be gay means to be attracted to members of the same sex rather than the opposite sex. Society is much more accepting now, though prejudice, stigma and homophobia still abound. By 'special treatment', I take it you mean having that broader acceptance. I don't see anything wrong or shameful about that. It's about society respecting you as a person in all senses - regardless of your race, gender, sexuality, religion, politics... and, dare I say it, neurology. It's good in many ways that there's nothing 'special' about it - at least in modern Western society. Fifty-odd years ago in this country, you wouldn't even have been allowed to say - on a forum like this, or anywhere else - that you were homosexual. So, that's an advance. You can still suffer bullying, harassment and abuse because of it, though, which is why it's good that society has laws to protect you. I don't regard that as 'special treatment'; rather, it's about being simply civilised, and respecting of the diversity that is an inherent quality of being human (that is, outside of mind-controlling cults, etc).
ContraManchild said:Those who struggle the most and survive are the fittest because they have overcome and have met resistance and got stronger, and as humans we seek to overcome.
Yeah... I get the Nietzschean strain in your thoughts. Ayn Rand would have gone along with this, of course. We should remember, too, the social Darwinists currently at large in our government and others like it. Strength expresses itself in many forms: physical, psychological, emotional, intellectual, etc. A quadriplegic can still have the mental strength to survive and perform. Likewise, a person of low intellect may still be able to perform tasks that transcend the limits of their intellectual abilities. But what of the people who are reliant on support in all aspects of their lives? People with profound and multiple physical and mental disabilities, or chronic illnesses, who could not survive unassisted? What happens to them?
What, too, of people who - for any number of reasons - have fallen through the cracks or by the wayside who, with some interventions, can be encouraged and supported to turn their lives around? Should society just leave them in the cracks, and by the wayside, because of the cost to the fittest, surviving taxpayers?
I must read more of Rand.
I myself rely on support from charity in the form of JSA, although people seem to think that government is giving it to me/them. It's not the case. The government has no money of its own. That money belongs to the tax payer, and gratitude is a powerful tool.
As for those who have profound and multiple physical and mental disabilities, or chronic illnesses, I suppose that they would be taken away from society unless they can show that they are not a burden to it. That is unthinkable today in the Democratic West though. People such as myself would also be included in that too. I am aware of that, which is why I fight to stop myself from becoming weak. I am aspergers and have struggled, and the only way is to keep on struggling.
Imagine what would happen if that value spread around the world and the resultant pity for anyone like that? I don't want people to pity me. I seek to overcome and be redeemed through struggle - like Jesus taking up the cross. This, of course, led to his death, but ultimately his transfiguration - he became a great soul. We too can become great through struggle. Those people who require assistance to survive are the weak that is for sure, and I include myself. We don't became great by being weak, we become great by facing the weakness and then overcoming it.