My Introduction.

I presume that whenever an individual joins an on-line forum they have to do this or are compelled to do this, so here I am. I have a thread I want to create in which to ask you for some advice, but till later.

I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, but I am sceptical, and moreover I don't want to live with my condition, but verily have to take it up like Jesus took up the cross.

I am also gay, something which is very shameful indeed. I have to live that and take it up as a cross to bear.

I am also a follower of Friedrich Nietzsche, which means I am trouble for everyone, especially for my family and the government.

I don't work, though I've struggled with every job I have taken. I have interests that consume me, and I don't ever socialise. I am a recluse and have been for more than a decade. Consequently, I don't have friends, peers or associates. There is no point in trying anymore as it always ends in disaster and I self-sabotage.

I have low mood most of the time, but when the sun comes out the mood is lifted. I appreciate the sun a lot, and where the sun is found I am there.

I read many books but not thoroughly. I collect facts. I am an objectivist. I like to do martial arts when I can afford the classes, and I like to do weight training to build muslce and increase testosterone.

Politics? I am Right wing on principle, but with some sense of social justice and so some might think I'm Left wing on that account, and I believe that only the fittest should survive. I am strong willed, but crippled by condition and circumstance, and that is nihilistic and part of this sick modern world, but I fight against it, not as political activism but within myself.

Love? I don't know what that is. I am not likely to experience it in the abstract. I thought I had but it was just lust.

My happiness? I like the Nietzschean formula for happiness: A yes, a No, a stright line, a goal.

Prosperity? No. I've always lived a relatively povertous life even when in work. I have very little desire to harbour riches. I am only interested in surviving and I see no reason to change course. If I was to come into wealth then I would use it to the fullest advantage, but it is folly to seek money. To examine oneself and live a virtuous life in accordance with one's own will and needs is much better. Do not mistake me: I need money to live and I need money to do things, necessity comes first, and that means survival and those that survive are the most worthy of this virtous life.

Drugs? Drink? I have tried many and am wired to seek these experiences out. My last drug was Salvia Divinorum; it was unpleasant but profound. I enjoy Scandinavian cider and have it often.

Family? Some. Family is another cross to bear but sometimes they do lighten the load. Of course they have no idea what my life is like. My mother still treats me like a child.

Health? I am healthy enough in the physical sense, but I am very troubled and that is how it is. There can be no other way. Struggle is life and the more struggle the more you feel alive. Sometimes I seek ill health and depression. It's strange but it works. Sometimes I revel in it - other times I wish it would go away.

Friends? No. None. Can you be friends with me? I doubt it. Ask me how I'm feeling? Give me a cuddle? I doubt that too. Help me? Maybe. That would depend. Help back? Yes. I always give credit where it is due, and I always help those who help me. Why do that? It's reciprocal and it has utility. It also means that a deed has been re-payed. It's a purge of the niggling worm of conscience.