Markers in Children

Yep, that's true, doesn't usually seem to be a quick process to get anyone assessed. It may be difficult to convince a doctor that he should have an assessment though without any real trouble, I guess. Trouble could also be behavioural isses obviously, not just learning reading, writing and maths, but from what you say he doesn't really show anything of that sort (which does not exclude ASD, especially for girls it may actually be the major reason why it doesn't get picked up).

I've heard that thing about kids having no friends to play with from quite a few people with their first child and later a second one seems to be much better at that. Not saying that this may not be a sign of autism in your son but it makes me wonder if the first child just doesn't have as much chance to practise it.

Perhaps you can find a few other kids (and parents) that visit each other now and then so he gets chance to get to know them when the approaching a group barrier isn't there? Been visiting friends in Norway a few weeks ago and their school has some things that seemed surprising to me and I'm still not sure what to think about it but some things seemed very useful. They don't want children to have a best friend in school (as in 'the only other kid I play with', I assume), so nobody gets excluded. They teach kids how to join a group: you have to ask if it's o.k. to play with them and they have to say 'yes', and they also teach them what you could then say to start with. Think being an adult I couldn't cope with this, I can't do fake politeness, but perhaps for children this isn't all that bad, don't know really (it may also be something to do with Norwegian mentality which is a bit different from the British one from that point of view, pleasantly so in my opinion but perhaps they want to prepare their folks for surviving globally). And they create small groups of kids that aren't doing much together usually (they may not even be in the same class) and then they invite each other now and then for an afternoon. It's not like a fancy birthday party, just maybe doing some handicraft, a treassure hunt, making music, making and eating food... all in all things where doing it together is what matters, not competition. Thought that sounded like a good idea. Guess knowing other kids would also help to leave the ones that aren't nice to him alone.

oktanol said:

Hi rooroos,

Guess nobody here can really tell you either way - there are probably some things you are listing there that would be quite typical but then I suppose you have listed them because of that, isn't it? It sounds like he doesn't really have problems so far - not saying you should be waiting for big trouble first but at least there doesn't seem to be much urgency to find out right now, that would be different if he needed to get help with something urgently.

Perhaps it's not the worst measure for the time being to just keep an eye on it and try to support him specifically in the areas you think he is lacking behind a bit, like joining other kids playing or doing fine-motoric stuff. There are a number of things where kids with older siblings will have an advantage. I'd say these two things fall into that category, the same with losing in games. And are you sure he lacks emotion if you say he is loving with people he knows and soft toys (the latter is also doing roleplay which kids with siblings would perhaps be more likely to do with other kids than an only child)? Only you will know what he is like in conversations, but he may just not quite know how to express emotions verbally (which could be a sign of ASD later, but not sure from what age on you would be expected to master that). There are lots of children's books about some cute creatures that have a whole range of emotions, perhaps that would be something that would benefit him? The same for being imaginative. One thing you mention there made me smile: that he doesn't like being hugged by other children and strangers. Who likes that? Maybe it's a credit to the way you bring him up that he feels confident to express his dislike for that and doesn't feel like he has to just get on with it? Some kids aren't even terribly cuddly with their parents but if he only wants to be hugged by people he has some sort of emotional relationship with, I really can't see how that would be an issue (unless he wants to move to Italy or Spain later).

"Seeing potential bullies as friends" seems a very sad thing to me to say. Assuming that they are not substantially older than him (that would probably be more of an indicator, if he were only interested in much younger or much older children or in adults), why do you think they are potential bullies? If everyone assumes this then that's probably the best guarantee that they really will become bullies. As long as they don't hurt him I think there's probably not that much harm in letting him find out for himself whom he wants to be friends with. Kids at that age often change their friends all the time, so experiencing disappointment about someone who seemed nice actually not being nice is a lot less tragic than when we are older and is part of learning about ourselfs and others.

Hope all goes well with him, whether he is on the spectrum or not! At least you are aware of the possibility, so if he turns out to start having actual issues that could be related to ASD you wouldn't be fishing in the complete dark.

Thanks for your reply :)

To be honest, I've had suspicions since he was about 2yrs old, just odd little things that made me question the way he would behave/ respond. It makes no difference to me if he is on the spectrum or not, I would just want to be able to understand and be able to help him (if needed) as best I could if required.

He speaks quite robotically sometimes, and repetative (i know kids do that sometimes) but i dont know, just something seems a bit off with it. 

RE: the potential bullies... the reason I say this, is because, since he started school last september, there have been 5 occasions where he's mentioned a name and said they've done something he doesn't like- taking his hat off him and throwing it over the fence at breaktime (petty i know) but then pushing him over and kicking and punching him. He isn't a touchy feely kid and certainly not violent- never has been with us (not even play fighting) and certainly not with any other kids in the past, so I don't suspect he is lying to me and the fact he told me about it tells me that it obviously bothered him a lot, as usually get the standard 'nothing' reponse to 'what have you done at school today?'. I've asked him if he has other friends, and the only ones he names are the 'bullies' who have teased/ hit him as some point in the past. He's said on a few occasions that he hasn't had anyone to play with at play time. It kills me to think that he's accepting what they do as he's got no one else to play with. I've spoken to his teachers, not naming names, just to see if they have noticed anything, but it seems anything that does happen is out of sight of the teachers, and despite me reassuring him that he won't get into trouble if he tells the teacher if anyone hits him or anything.

I suppose, currently, there aren't any problems- he excels at reading, writing, maths.. has a thirst for learning, academically, but its more the physical and social skills where he is maybe a bit behind. He's totally adorable, bright and I love him with all my heart. I'm just worried, if there is something, that if it isn't assessed, it could take a long time to get help if/ when it did become a problem. I suppose I'd just like to be prepared (if you can ever be prepared being a parent ;) )

Hi rooroos,

Guess nobody here can really tell you either way - there are probably some things you are listing there that would be quite typical but then I suppose you have listed them because of that, isn't it? It sounds like he doesn't really have problems so far - not saying you should be waiting for big trouble first but at least there doesn't seem to be much urgency to find out right now, that would be different if he needed to get help with something urgently.

Perhaps it's not the worst measure for the time being to just keep an eye on it and try to support him specifically in the areas you think he is lacking behind a bit, like joining other kids playing or doing fine-motoric stuff. There are a number of things where kids with older siblings will have an advantage. I'd say these two things fall into that category, the same with losing in games. And are you sure he lacks emotion if you say he is loving with people he knows and soft toys (the latter is also doing roleplay which kids with siblings would perhaps be more likely to do with other kids than an only child)? Only you will know what he is like in conversations, but he may just not quite know how to express emotions verbally (which could be a sign of ASD later, but not sure from what age on you would be expected to master that). There are lots of children's books about some cute creatures that have a whole range of emotions, perhaps that would be something that would benefit him? The same for being imaginative. One thing you mention there made me smile: that he doesn't like being hugged by other children and strangers. Who likes that? Maybe it's a credit to the way you bring him up that he feels confident to express his dislike for that and doesn't feel like he has to just get on with it? Some kids aren't even terribly cuddly with their parents but if he only wants to be hugged by people he has some sort of emotional relationship with, I really can't see how that would be an issue (unless he wants to move to Italy or Spain later).

"Seeing potential bullies as friends" seems a very sad thing to me to say. Assuming that they are not substantially older than him (that would probably be more of an indicator, if he were only interested in much younger or much older children or in adults), why do you think they are potential bullies? If everyone assumes this then that's probably the best guarantee that they really will become bullies. As long as they don't hurt him I think there's probably not that much harm in letting him find out for himself whom he wants to be friends with. Kids at that age often change their friends all the time, so experiencing disappointment about someone who seemed nice actually not being nice is a lot less tragic than when we are older and is part of learning about ourselfs and others.

Hope all goes well with him, whether he is on the spectrum or not! At least you are aware of the possibility, so if he turns out to start having actual issues that could be related to ASD you wouldn't be fishing in the complete dark.