Markers in Children

Hi rooroos,

Guess nobody here can really tell you either way - there are probably some things you are listing there that would be quite typical but then I suppose you have listed them because of that, isn't it? It sounds like he doesn't really have problems so far - not saying you should be waiting for big trouble first but at least there doesn't seem to be much urgency to find out right now, that would be different if he needed to get help with something urgently.

Perhaps it's not the worst measure for the time being to just keep an eye on it and try to support him specifically in the areas you think he is lacking behind a bit, like joining other kids playing or doing fine-motoric stuff. There are a number of things where kids with older siblings will have an advantage. I'd say these two things fall into that category, the same with losing in games. And are you sure he lacks emotion if you say he is loving with people he knows and soft toys (the latter is also doing roleplay which kids with siblings would perhaps be more likely to do with other kids than an only child)? Only you will know what he is like in conversations, but he may just not quite know how to express emotions verbally (which could be a sign of ASD later, but not sure from what age on you would be expected to master that). There are lots of children's books about some cute creatures that have a whole range of emotions, perhaps that would be something that would benefit him? The same for being imaginative. One thing you mention there made me smile: that he doesn't like being hugged by other children and strangers. Who likes that? Maybe it's a credit to the way you bring him up that he feels confident to express his dislike for that and doesn't feel like he has to just get on with it? Some kids aren't even terribly cuddly with their parents but if he only wants to be hugged by people he has some sort of emotional relationship with, I really can't see how that would be an issue (unless he wants to move to Italy or Spain later).

"Seeing potential bullies as friends" seems a very sad thing to me to say. Assuming that they are not substantially older than him (that would probably be more of an indicator, if he were only interested in much younger or much older children or in adults), why do you think they are potential bullies? If everyone assumes this then that's probably the best guarantee that they really will become bullies. As long as they don't hurt him I think there's probably not that much harm in letting him find out for himself whom he wants to be friends with. Kids at that age often change their friends all the time, so experiencing disappointment about someone who seemed nice actually not being nice is a lot less tragic than when we are older and is part of learning about ourselfs and others.

Hope all goes well with him, whether he is on the spectrum or not! At least you are aware of the possibility, so if he turns out to start having actual issues that could be related to ASD you wouldn't be fishing in the complete dark.

Hi rooroos,

Guess nobody here can really tell you either way - there are probably some things you are listing there that would be quite typical but then I suppose you have listed them because of that, isn't it? It sounds like he doesn't really have problems so far - not saying you should be waiting for big trouble first but at least there doesn't seem to be much urgency to find out right now, that would be different if he needed to get help with something urgently.

Perhaps it's not the worst measure for the time being to just keep an eye on it and try to support him specifically in the areas you think he is lacking behind a bit, like joining other kids playing or doing fine-motoric stuff. There are a number of things where kids with older siblings will have an advantage. I'd say these two things fall into that category, the same with losing in games. And are you sure he lacks emotion if you say he is loving with people he knows and soft toys (the latter is also doing roleplay which kids with siblings would perhaps be more likely to do with other kids than an only child)? Only you will know what he is like in conversations, but he may just not quite know how to express emotions verbally (which could be a sign of ASD later, but not sure from what age on you would be expected to master that). There are lots of children's books about some cute creatures that have a whole range of emotions, perhaps that would be something that would benefit him? The same for being imaginative. One thing you mention there made me smile: that he doesn't like being hugged by other children and strangers. Who likes that? Maybe it's a credit to the way you bring him up that he feels confident to express his dislike for that and doesn't feel like he has to just get on with it? Some kids aren't even terribly cuddly with their parents but if he only wants to be hugged by people he has some sort of emotional relationship with, I really can't see how that would be an issue (unless he wants to move to Italy or Spain later).

"Seeing potential bullies as friends" seems a very sad thing to me to say. Assuming that they are not substantially older than him (that would probably be more of an indicator, if he were only interested in much younger or much older children or in adults), why do you think they are potential bullies? If everyone assumes this then that's probably the best guarantee that they really will become bullies. As long as they don't hurt him I think there's probably not that much harm in letting him find out for himself whom he wants to be friends with. Kids at that age often change their friends all the time, so experiencing disappointment about someone who seemed nice actually not being nice is a lot less tragic than when we are older and is part of learning about ourselfs and others.

Hope all goes well with him, whether he is on the spectrum or not! At least you are aware of the possibility, so if he turns out to start having actual issues that could be related to ASD you wouldn't be fishing in the complete dark.