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Struggling with asd & ADHD diagnosis

MCasD

Hi everyone, since my 6 year old sons diagnosis a week ago i am struggling. I am starting to suffer from depression & finding the diagnosis really hard. If feels like the rest of the family are treating it like we have just been told he has the flu or something. They are still treating him exactly the same as tho he is just a naughty child who needs telling off. He is constantly aggressive & fighting his 2yr old brother taking is toys etc..& I don't know how to react to him anymore. Obviously I have to stop him but I don't know how exactly to tell someone off who doesn't have control of himself. He just can't stop himself. Its really getting me down & I can feel it already putting a drift between me & my partner as I don't feel he understands or wants to try to understand the condition & is still shouting & disciplining him the same as always.

I guess what Im asking is who do I turn to? Where do I go? Im thinking I start with the Gp for my depression but what about help with or for my son?

im expecting my third child & I dont know how I will manage. I slowly feel like I'm losing control.

  • It's hard for other people to understand. Especially if he is high functioning as chances are he may appear average to the unsuspecting person. Have your team who assessed him provided you with a DVD for the family to view to help them understand? Have you allowed family members to read the review report which may help them understand better. I think it's difficult for people to understand another way of looking at the world but it's really important they try. I know how you feel regarding parenting techniques. Sometimes it hard to know what's expected behaviour from a child their age and what's not. It takes a lot of patience and we are only human and also find it hard to control emotions if pushed to the limit by unacceptable behaviour. But patience we must try and have. Perhaps the big impending change of having a new brother or sister is affecting him? Have you tried talking to him about it? Does he open up at all about his feelings in general?  Also from my experience a good telling off doesn't usually help at all. Does he have a particular fixation at the moment that you could use to motivate him in order to overcome difficult situations? 

  • Hi

    While home educating my daughter, I see many parents/children with ADHD. Some whose children had been excluded from mainstream schools due to their behaviour. Most of the parents find it vital to ensure the children have lots of sport club activities everyday. They claim it was hard to cope before they could get lots of physical activities for them.

    One girl in my daughters home education gymnastics class wouldn't just go to one class, she went to all the gymnastics classes one after the other. And she still had lots of energy left. She could literally go all day. It must have been very expensive for her parents to pay for all the classes. They home educate, so have to pay for everything themselves. They think their daughter could've coped with school part-time, but the school wouldn't allow it.

  • Thanks for the replies just saying it to somebody feels a relief already. He doesn't go special school & they are also struggling with his behaviour & at the moment we are both (myself & the school) looking to each other for support & ideas on what may help (trial & error if you like) He does have meltdowns as well as difficult behaviour sometimes once he is in a confrontation with his brother its like he zones out he doesn't respond to us  & we have to restrain him or try & remove him from the situation. He is also very physical at school & sometimes not meaning to be (he's very touchy touchy with people) & can't read peoples body language well & so doesn't know when enough is enough or the person is not enjoying a game anymore. I am still telling him off & not letting autism or ADHD be an excuse for his behaviour but at the same time trying to understand or manage the fact that he struggles with following instructions, not touching people or things & his over boisterous energy that usually doesnt end well. Im just so over whelmed with him having asd ADHD & sensory processing difficulties it's hard to manage or find what will help him at his moments of melt downs or difficulties if that makes sense? I'm not always aware 100% of what is upsetting him or triggering the behaviour.

  • Does he go to a special needs school? How does his school deal with his behaviour? The school should be able to provide help.

    Children as a rule will push their boundaries at that age. And may feel life is unfair in general. Having autism won't stop that. And he won't always be blameless. In fact if you let autism be used to excuse all behaviour, it may get much worse.

    Does he have meltdowns or is it challenging behaviours?

    It's a good idea to sort this now. You don't want this stress to affect your unborn child. I'm not sure what GPs do about depression while pregnant. They may put it down to hormones. Some will feel the benefit of medication will outweigh the risks to the baby. Some may refer you to counselling, but notes could be shared with HV & social workers etc.