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My fiancé has Asperges syndrome. Now what?

tea&cake

Dear All,

My fiancé has recently been officially been diagnosed with Asperges syndrome, we are both in our early 20s. I love him dearly ,but, there are times when his condition has put a strain on us as a couple.  I have completed extensive research into Asperges due to the diagnoses ,but, also out of personal interest. He has it very mild compared to others I have met with the same condition.

I was wondering what advice and support is given for young couples? Who do we need to contact etc?  Also, is anyone in a similar situation?  

Any advice would be much appreciated. 

  • I would strongly advise you and your fiance to gather as much info as you can and sit down together and read and discuss it. I am lucky that my boyfriend has a son with AS. He is completely aware of my 'symptoms' and never hesitates to ask I'm pissed off with him , or am I having an Aspie moment when I seem distant or anxious.

    He doesn't take things personally if I need to shutdown and not see him.

    Open discussion and understanding are VITAL here. Let him tell you what things/situations/ sensations trigger his anxiety and encourage him to talk to you when these occur. That way you can help avoid them or deal with them if you can.

    I hope this helps.

  • As a person with Aspergers Syndrome (was diagnosed when I was 16 now 29) My girlfriend knew from the start of our relationship (11 years in March) about my condition. There are many times we get ourselves into a spot of bother, mainly from things that I do (but not aware of), but by some miracle, she has remained my Girlfriend. 

    I cannot say that our whole relationship has been plain sailing. But I think the bottom line is, IF you love someone enough and can understand why certain things may be different "the norm" and why your finance may act in a different way, then I think you will be fine.  Sure it will be a rollercoaster journey, but together you can learn from each other and deep down, you will know that the relationship will continue to grow stronger. :)

  • Ahhh, as a mum of a 5 year old with autism, I say " so what not now what". Everybody has differences between them in any relationship as I have found with my hubby. Like the slogan goes "Accept the differences not the indifferences"

    True love will conquer all.

    Good Luck

    H

  • Hi

    Could I reply as a mum with a teenager (who has not yet been officially diagnosed with Aspergers but I am sure will be next week). 

    I keep  wondering how my son will find a girl who will be as loving as you and care enough to be able to deal with him without getting frustrated and annoyed.  My sons' condition does seem to be mild but nevertheless has caused a lot of anxiety before reading and finding out about Aspergers.  Now that I have done and he himself understands more about the condition things are so much easier at home.

    From my point of view as a Mum my love for him is totally unconditional and my job is to help and care for him but your job as a future wife will be different won't it.  There will be times when you won't understand why he just can't see your way of thinking and you will think he doesn't care and you will have to accept that.

    Of course on the other hand if he is like my son he will give you his last rolo and you will mean everything to him but he may not always tell you that.

    I think if you keep reading about Aspergers and he is prepared to work at dealing with it too, and you love each other you will make it together.  You are going to have to be understanding and sometimes walk away and not get annoyed.  I would embrace it and continue to love him because there are plenty not so nice people in the world and it sounds like you have a lovely man in yours.

    All the best.

  • Hi

    I have put a link below which will provide you with information about living with autism. Hopefully you will be able to find the information you need. 

    http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism.aspx

    If you cannot find what youwant please let us know and we will help you some more

    Colincat