Ok in school so.....................

Thanks for that, he has told me he doesnt like school,  but he is ok when he gets in school, i have thought about changing school but to be honest i dont think it would make any difference, he does clash with another boy, but at another school he will clash with someone else.

Its been tough, but we will get through it, im hoping that when i go on the talkability course i will have more of an understanding of him, i do work with children with disabilities and i do ok, however its so much different when its your own child.

I want to get in his head and understand how hes thinking, it seems impossible to do that.

Ps

please don't give up, it nothing to do with poor parenting. I myself can vouch for that and whilst I might not be as public as your son, it is a way I often let go to a safe person. That person asked me last year if I meant it or was it a letting go thing. I honestly didn't know but think it kind of bit of both. Way of wording own distress.  But it has absolutely nothing to do with poor parenting and more shame on that A&E person for not recognising it more deeply. It is a distress signal and well done as he feels safe enough with you to express it. It could be all through school he is pent up, don't enjoy it much, but then school isnt meant to be enjoyed. But is it the right environment for him because that could be giving him extra stress. Could be nothing untoward happening. Just not the right environment so when he gets out of school, he goes bang and explodes and too much. 

Similary I was going somewhere and was okay with what I was doing, just not where I was doing. Afterwards I would have similar feelings but kept them to email to a safe person. One thing lead to another and I now swapped places and go to that other place.  During that period of swapping the safe person showed me that if I felt all.. and displayed it rather than said the word, stop going there.  It helped me to assess. I was lucky and fit into to the new place and and the change was good.  I knew long enough that I wanted to go to the new place. One day it came to a head as such and snapped in myself. It took a little longer to express that fully to the safe person but I did so through different means and now I go there and yes I still have that unhealthy need to express those thoughts but not like it was before I swapped the one place.

okay it is harder for your son to tell you he don't like that school. You could end up trying half a dozen schools and end up liking none of them. But it could be a possibility he doesn't like the environment he is in.  I don't know how you would find out. 

But it has abosultely nothing to do with poor parenting trust me.... please dont give up

I kind of tried explaining that to her, but in the end i thought whats the point.

Anyway got his Salt assesment results through today and there are socail communication problems and we are waiting to go on Hanen talkability.

Autistic kids and adults often mask behaviour when at school or the work-place. This is an adaptive coping strategy. The problem is that others then assume the person is coping and that any behaviour they later show is deliberate. This shows a complete lack of understanding. The person bottles up all their emotions and then releases them where they feel safe, usually at home or with family. I reckon the supermarket was the last straw for your son. Supermarkets can be overwhelming places - they are noisy, and busy. This sensorily overwhelming environment would have been impossible for your son to cope with if he was already stressed after school.

That lady needs educating. Obviously not autism aware.

no, don't give up.  I used to be like your son.  It is a way of communicating deep distress.  He says it , and probably means it too, but you're a safe person to say it too.  One day he may say it in school and then there's two options, either they ignore it or he goes straight to hospital, both of which would be his wrong answer.

I've made it through, but it has taken years, and on occasions only just made it through.  Do take care of him and love all four sons (which I know you do).  No answer here I'm afraid.  Just keep on going until we know how to help you both.

M.