self examination

This is an old post David...  I think if it had been a wind up rather than a genuine question there would have been more posts.

Re first posts: it may be that someone with an embarrassing question to ask would use a user name as a one-off.  So it might be that a regular user started a new user name just to post once. That would be sensible as it would reduce the chances of them (and their autistic son) being recognised. For instance, I use a user name here that I don't use on any other forums.  However I've given enough details (job etc) that people who know me elsewhere (online and offline) could recognise me if they happened to come here. That's fine as I reckon if they come here I don't mind them knowing that I feel I have a mild asd.  But if I had a question to ask that I didn't want them to see, I'd use another user name just for that.

Re dad's demo (!) I do agree it was misguided in this case. However I can believe someone thinking demonstration is the best way to explain things.  In many cases it is... but in this case I think a dummy or education film (if such things are available...) would have been better options!  Actually someone trying to do right by their son and ending up blundering into doing something inappropriate could be an asd thing to do!  I also think it's possible that there might be neurotypicals out there who are close enough and comfortable enough that a demo would have been ok... After all, if you watch 'One Born Every Minute' quite a few of the women giving birth have mums and sometimes other familly members present. Lots of peoples with disabled or elderly relatives help them with washing and toileting.  So there are situations where those boundaries go down and it's not sexual.

I meant to say when this was first posted (thanks for the reminder David), that I'm a bit concerned that the young man feels he's safe because he has 'good blood'.  I think it would be good to try and work out where he got that belief, and for him to maybe have a talk with his doctor about it.  It may not be the only thing he feels 'good blood' protects him from, and he could end up at risk as a result.

Another first post by someone new that straight away discusses sexual topics.  It is clearly a wind up, no normal parent shows their son their balls to explain about self-examination.

Why would any parents insist on getting their childs  genitalia examined anyway?

Please report this shar32 ,and I think she/he should be banned!

Pervert alert!

Shar32

I wondered whether there is an NT vs ASD difference in what is considered appropriate here. Was I being aspie when I recoiled at the idea and were you being NT in thinking this was an OK thing?

Would your interest in self examination extend to you doing the free online AQ Test aspergerstest.net/.../ ?

Have to agree with you, RS. The very thought of my mum demonstrating anything like that.. eww!

shar32 said:

Hi, my son is 25 and recently my husband tried to explain to him about self examination of his testicles.  I did  not go well!  My son is extremely oposed to anything sexual or to do with private parts.  My husband tried to explain to him in simple terms and to show him, using himself, what to do, but my son just said that he was fine, that he does not drink or smoke and that he has special blood so there is nothing wrong with him.   Has anyone else found the best way to approach this?  I am very worried that he is not getting checked down there and also, if he really would even know what he was looking for.

I am somewhat stunned by this post. Who advocated such a demonstration? I would have been absolutely disgusted and mortified if my father had exposed himself to me like that. My children (boys of a similar age to yours) would tell me in no uncertain terms that it just isn't appropriate behaviour. It simply isn't necessary or apropriate in my opinion. (Other opinions are obviously available)

It seems to me as though you have perhaps got this issue out of all proportion. Yes this is a real issue - I have a friend who suffered from testicular cancer. Yes, he should be aware that if he finds anything out of the ordinary then this should be investigated. However, you stand a good chance of terrifying him and encouraging him to develop an unbalaced view of the risk with this sort of "education".

Would it be appropriate to teach him about sex by demonstrating intercourse to him? There are sensible taboos about what can and should be shared between parents and their children,

It is appropriate to raise his awareness and to make it clear that there are sources of information available - i'm sure that the NHC Choices website has stuff about this sort of thing. He needs to know when and how to get help but I suspect that this approach may have been counterproductive.

Hi, it's unfortunate that your son feels the way he does about private parts.  Would he be amenable to reading leaflets on the matter, perhaps with diagrams?