Still waiting for diagnosis of ASD but now have CFS :(

Sez,

Is there not a risk that your mother will not cope with the idea of having you and two little ones to look after in her house when you tell her the news? Won't she feel that you have misled her by not telling her until it's too late? Won't she be very very angry? Is there a danger that you will have to find somewhere else to live?

RS

A while ago

Sez,

Did you say on another thread that you had a previous child born with autism?

It's not just cordivation problems its a lot of problems with doing things every day and people think differently to other people eg, I mean my mum will hate me if I take the dla away from her and think it will only make our relationship much worse I really dint think that socisl services will get involvrd 

Ive heard of dyspraxia the co-ordination problem

and why would she hate you for that?

I really don't remember if she helped me fill out the forum eg don't have severe Disabilty just have despraxia ( not many people know it ) is just a learning disability. I don't want my mum to hate me even more if I phone DLA people and ask for the money to get put in to my account 

Sez you should phone DLA people up and ask for it to be put into your own account 

tell them that you see none of it from your mum and that she keeps it for herself like you said on here

You have every right ask for your DLA to be paid into your bank account not your mother's. She probably helped you fill in the form and gave it to you to sign, putting her details on it. A quick phone call to them should sort this out.

It is not the case that everyone thinks you cannot do anything for yourself.
But qualifying for DLA requires someone to be significantly disabled. And if you are significantly disabled this will attract the attention of social services. It is nothing personal - they are just on the lookout for people that need help, and if you work with them they will hopefully provide this.

Yes 15 weeks soon with twins , I don't get DLA my mum gets the money it is strange though as I get letters through from the DLA but my mum gets the money in to her account, I havent exactly been diagnosed with ASD why would social services get involved ?, why does everyone think I am so usless and can't do nothing for myself :((

Gosh.. I did not know you were also pregnant! This is a huge responsibility and I think you really do need to tell someone. 

I would second the advice to call MIND. They may be able to offer some kind of advocacy service - someone who knows the system and can speak up for you if you are not feeling confident, and mediate between you and others.

www.mind.org.uk/.../finding-an-advocate

Also, as you are claiming DLA, social services are likely to be alerted to your pregnancy, so it may be best to do a "pre-emptive strike" with them at some point, listing the issues that you know you have difficulty with, and asking for specific help (perhaps around ASD), rather than waiting for them to step in. Again, this is something an advocate ought to be able to help you with. 

Good luck x

Thank u to everyone for your support I have heard of the samaritans and I have used there service quite a few times recently I have found them very helpful sometimes and other times not helpful at all just depends on which person I speak to when I phone some have made me feel like I am wasting my time. Am I being stupid not wanting to go to the doctors again because of the fear of not being believed after all that my mum said to the doctor I feel like the doctor doesn't take me seriously now when I go to see her I hate it so much as i used to have a very good relationship with my GP but since my mum got involved about me lying a lot about everything I now feel that I have a awful relationship with my GP. I will buy and books which I think are going to be helpful 

Sez said:

Well they saw I lie about everything when I don't lie about anything at all not that type of person. 

I eeally don't know its a diffucult suitation to be in and the GP was persuading me to call my mum so I did but wish I hadnt would have been very difficult for me to get to hospital otherwise. 

When was at the hospital I told my mum to go she didn't listen she stayed kept saying things like ' its so late you lying eg eg with swear words and kept looking at me in really evil way turns out I was very very ill and my mum does not know how ill I was still not 100 % only my GP and the hospital know 

my GP does keep everything confidental and she won't tell my mum without asking me first 

its so strange though as my parents write letters to my GP saying they should be involved in my care ( that's not right ) I'm a adult right if anyone knows any info on this plz let me know ? 

My gp always tell me if my parents have contacted her and says to me do you want me to let your parents know what's going on and how you are - I say ok almost always 

this gets me so so DOWN and DEPRESSED !

I have been thinking a lot about the relationship you have with your mother. There is something I want to share with you, in the hope that you will come to understand that your mother does love you very much.

I had a daughter, who became very ill with depression. I did not know that I had asd and I think she did too.

You say that your mother looked at you in a really evil way. People with asd often have alexithymia too. This is emotional blindness. It means that we only recognise the simple emotions in others, the complex ones and mixed feelings are hidden from us. If your mother was tired and very distressed about you being ill, and trusting that your doctor knows what he/she is doing, then she was possibly trying to fight back tears, to be strong for you.

As a mother, I know how much we want our children to be happy, healthy and getting on with life. We love our children as much as we love ourselves and spend our lives putting their needs before our own. We are also human, with all the frailties that brings. We get tired and cross and over emotional. When we are angry with our children, we still love them. Sometimes we get frustrated by our inability to help our children, they may see and misinterpret this, but beneath it is an undying love, that is sometimes difficult to show when relationships get stressed.

I have been depressed and know what it is like to be disbelieved. Your doctor may think that the things you say are as a result of your illness, rather than reality. Your mother may accept what your doctor says is true. Doctors are suposed to be experts, but can misunderstand their patients, or believe that the patients thoughts are disturbed by illness. It is difficult for your mother to know what or who to believe.

It is confusing and distressing for both of you. She wants what is best for you in the long term and may think that your doctor knows best, this means she loves you and cares about your long term future, even if she is getting it wrong.

When my daughter was ill, things became strained between us. I did not know what to do or say that would help. She lived away from home, so I rang her daily, but could not find words that would bridge the gap and help. We helped financially, but she buried her true feelings within and did not speak about the things which really hurt her, such as the breakdown of her relationship. This is another aspect of alexithymia. We do not recognise our own feelings and as a result, do not deal with them. Our pain remains locked away out of sight and distorts our thinking. Until we seek out and deal with that pain, we cannot be happy.

You don't have to be suicidal to phone the samaritans. They offer good emotional support. It may be an idea to tell them about your mother and everything that is going on and how she takes your money and everything else that is going on. They are very good listeners and don't charge. There are other support lines for emotional problems/ distress too. Possibly MIND. And you musn't be ashamed to phone them. They are experienced listeners e.t.c. I hope this helps

I don't intend on telling her until I absoutly have to although I think she is suspecting with the sickness and myself companing of feeling so tired all the time although this is to do with the cfs also which my mum don't know about. 

i can't believe there are 2 little miracles growing inside of me feels so suprise but yet I am so scared 

Oh, I was wondering whether you had told her. :-(

I thought that the book might be cheaper than some CBT sessions. :-)

Yes I prob do but I am not going to prob for a couple of months until I have more confidence to talk to her about things my mum doesn't even know as of yet about the babies and I don't really intend on telling her just say I'm putting on weight but I can hide it well with baggy clothes. 

I will have a look at that book and possibly by it altough I don't really have mych money 

I think you need to talk to your mum properly sooner or later. I expect that she is very anxious about you and is trying her best but is probably being over protective. Building a positive relationship with your mum could be really valuable and rewarding for both of you and it would be good to be on good terms with her when your babies arrive.

Hopefully, she has been putting the DLA aside for you.

When I suspected that I had Asperger's I bought a book - Living Well on the spectrum by Valerie Gaus

www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342

This did a couple of things for me. Firstly it confirmed my suspicions about myself. Secondly Valerie advocates a positive approach to living with an ASD condition. Working out how to have a positive attitude could be very valuable for you. It is a practical book for people on the spectrum, it isn't a complicated text about why it happens and such things.

I am staying at my dads this weekend which is better as I don't have to see / talk to my mum and my dad doesn't ask me questions eg so its better I also have my own room at my dads with tv and bed so can go in there and shut the door if I feel I need some time on my own I decided to cancel the cbt app I am just going to really struggle to afford it :((

I am just so angry in my room now I said in going to bed she said ok but she knows I am not happy and that something is wrong I'm crying really upset 

Not really her partnera cousin has severe austium and has met him once but apart from that no prob not 

Think twice and speak once. Don't say anything you might regret.

Does she know anything about autism or Asperger's syndrome?