First CAMHS appointment - how do I get them to listen?

Hi  - first time posting, so here goes.

After some battling, we finally have an appointment to be seen by our local CAMHS next week.  My nearly 8 yr old son (year 3) was referred asking for as ASD diagnosis initially, but this has been refused and instead we have a 'generic' assessment meeting.  I am not happy with this, but at least we have an appointment.  The letter says it is a CHOICE appointment. Does anyone have any experience of one of these and what to expect?  Do I need to coach my son into saying the right things so that we don't get dismissed?  He may very well not present as having difficulties in one half an hour meeting and he will be scared about the whole thing.

My son was referred to CAMHS as a toddler for very poor sleep and anxiety issues but after just one session, he was discharged.  I know what CAMHS is like and everyone I have spoken to about it has only negative things to say.  I know I will need to fight to not be fobbed off.

I desperately want an ASD assessment for my son - not because I want a label or because I want there to be something wrong, but because I want to help him and give him an equal chance.  He has very calmly talked about killing himself and has punched through a window.  He is academically bright and does not have disuptive behaviour at school, although he does have an IEP for his dyslexia and the school are supportive in pursuing an ASD assessement.  I am not making this up!

I am so worried about fluffing up the appointment and either not saying enough , saying too much, being too aggressive, not being assertive enough.  I know that the only way my son will get any help is through me, and if they just dismiss me as a neurotic mum (as they did last time) I won't be helping him, or my family.  I am so scared about being sent away with yet another photocopied sheet about fing reward charts.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.  Should I go all guns blazing or assume that these people actually remember some of their training and will actually want to help?  Thank you.

Parents
  • Hi - thanks for replying.  I appreciate it.  All opinions are welcome!

    Being aggressive does not come easily to me and it's not my way of doing things so it's certainly not my preferred option.  Good to hear an opinion that encourages the calm, measured and rational way. It just hasn't got us very far to date. 

    I don't mean to imply that my son displays particularly disruptive behaviour at home or at school.  The punching of the window at home was a result of a build up of frustration over dinner time and was a shock to all of us, including him. It's true that over the past few months, he has become more physical at home with his little brother and with me, and in throwing himself around when he's upset.  He has also talked in detail about suicide and has planned it in some detail.  That's why I am desperate to get help. 

    He tells me that he hates school - it's too noisy, he finds it difficult to concentrate, the teachers are too strict and he doesn't get enough time doing the things he thinks are important.  Despite this, he is not falling behind, but it is a struggle for him.  He has recently trasferred to Junior school and the anxiety has peaked.  I guess not all children like school or feel comfortable in that environment, ASD or not.    He says that he hates his life and feels like an alien from another planet - apart from when he's with me.

    With him it's more about the anxiety, frustrations at not feeling understood, problems with social interactions  and his repetetive behaviours.  His school are supportive of pursuing as ASD assessment as they appreciate some of his difficulties and see that these are impacting at school. He struggles to sit still, so he has a wobble cushion, he keeps dropping his pencils and has poor pencil grip, he is very anxious, he appears as if he's lost in his own world (but he is listening), he hides in the cloakrooms at lunchtimes, unless he can make the same lego models, he forgets to go to the toilet, he can't manage to get himself dressed for PE etc.  

    I am the first one to admit that we are not perfect at home and can be inconsistent at times, but I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't make mistakes.  We are certainly prepared to make changes at home  - I have recently resigned from my  job and put my career on hold  to bring more stability to homelife ( I have always worked full time).   My husband and I have always juggled work and home to keep external childcare to a minimum and so that we could keep to our routines.  But there is always room for improvement.

    I will write everything down and use that as a prompt, and hand it over too, in case I get side tracked. 

    Thanks

Reply
  • Hi - thanks for replying.  I appreciate it.  All opinions are welcome!

    Being aggressive does not come easily to me and it's not my way of doing things so it's certainly not my preferred option.  Good to hear an opinion that encourages the calm, measured and rational way. It just hasn't got us very far to date. 

    I don't mean to imply that my son displays particularly disruptive behaviour at home or at school.  The punching of the window at home was a result of a build up of frustration over dinner time and was a shock to all of us, including him. It's true that over the past few months, he has become more physical at home with his little brother and with me, and in throwing himself around when he's upset.  He has also talked in detail about suicide and has planned it in some detail.  That's why I am desperate to get help. 

    He tells me that he hates school - it's too noisy, he finds it difficult to concentrate, the teachers are too strict and he doesn't get enough time doing the things he thinks are important.  Despite this, he is not falling behind, but it is a struggle for him.  He has recently trasferred to Junior school and the anxiety has peaked.  I guess not all children like school or feel comfortable in that environment, ASD or not.    He says that he hates his life and feels like an alien from another planet - apart from when he's with me.

    With him it's more about the anxiety, frustrations at not feeling understood, problems with social interactions  and his repetetive behaviours.  His school are supportive of pursuing as ASD assessment as they appreciate some of his difficulties and see that these are impacting at school. He struggles to sit still, so he has a wobble cushion, he keeps dropping his pencils and has poor pencil grip, he is very anxious, he appears as if he's lost in his own world (but he is listening), he hides in the cloakrooms at lunchtimes, unless he can make the same lego models, he forgets to go to the toilet, he can't manage to get himself dressed for PE etc.  

    I am the first one to admit that we are not perfect at home and can be inconsistent at times, but I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't make mistakes.  We are certainly prepared to make changes at home  - I have recently resigned from my  job and put my career on hold  to bring more stability to homelife ( I have always worked full time).   My husband and I have always juggled work and home to keep external childcare to a minimum and so that we could keep to our routines.  But there is always room for improvement.

    I will write everything down and use that as a prompt, and hand it over too, in case I get side tracked. 

    Thanks

Children
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