What could be wrong with me?

Hi Laddo,

nobody cares about us. I found out the hard way about that. I feel the same at the Doctor's as you do.I thought I was the only one that felt everyone is stariing and making opinions about me.

What does the NAS do for us adults? Nothing. SO we are left to our own devices when it comes to help.

It's a vicious circle!

Laddo said:

I'm beginning to suspect that I should have actually received a child bipolar or BPD diagnosis when I was younger as opposed to ASD. I think it would make a lot more sense

Have you tried the free online AQ test at aspergerstest.net/.../ if you are doubting your asd diagnosis then this test may help.

The meaning of life the universe and everything eludes us all.

Gravesend is also quite a trek for me. It seems the NAS has lots of services based in and just outside of London but none actually around the rest of Kent. It appears that the NAS, like so many organisations, only class London as important within the southeast. I can get a train to Gravesend but can't afford it especially if the NAS charges for services in Kent (because all of us in the southeast work in the City and are on 100k a year...)

Marjorie, I have found exercise helps me to a degree but I really do think I need mood stablisers. I'm beginning to suspect that I should have actually received a child bipolar or BPD diagnosis when I was younger as opposed to ASD. I think it would make a lot more sense

Hi Laddo. I am still reading your posts too. They are helping me understand asd and I am happy to share any ideas I have.

Have you tried walking or jogging or a mixture of both. I had antidepressents for many years, and they didn't help me much either, but physical exersise did. However unmotivated you are, I recommend getting active. It does not need to be anything organised, just go round the block.

The other thing that helped me, was relaxation classes that I took part in when I was attending the day hospital at my local psychiatric department. I don't know if such things are available now, but they helped me.

How about...

www.autism.org.uk/.../sand-support-centre.aspx

This is in Gravesend.

More obviously adult related? Perhaps you need a referral from your GP? You could ask NAS with assistance about who should provide funding.

It does seem hard work though for someone with problems to get help.

I live in Kent so Croydon is far for me. The links are pretty much all aimed at families with children with autism, too. I got this email from the NAS: 

"Thank you for your email and interest in The National Autistic Society.

Yes you can refer yourself to our services and there is a cost for the services we provide in Kent. 
I have attached some information for you & you can also give us a call on 02033261200 to discuss this further."

Thanks recombinantsocks for posting that link... 

Laddo,

If you are going through a difficult time now please don't stop sharing with us. We understand how isolating it can be sometimes. However alone you feel you'll always be in good company here. You should try and get in contact with the Croydon Support Centre if you are nearby.

Also please do call us on 0808 800 4104 or send us an enquiry via our online form: http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/autism-helpline/how-to-contact-us.aspx. We'll be able to give you advice on specialist services and support from local services.

Stay postive! 

Avi

Not sure whereabouts in SE you might be but here is an example

www.autism.org.uk/.../croydon-resource-centre.aspx

They provide support services for adults and its free.

What makes you think people on this forum get on my nerves? I know I do tend to pick apart people's responses to me queries quite a lot so if I'm giving off the impression that you're annoying me when I do this, I apologise. I don't mean to. I do appreciate all of you trying to help me!

I do use the forum for emotional support but I'm just worried I'm going to start irritating people after a while. After all, a psychiatrist is paid to give CBT but the members on here are only doing it to help their fellow man. From personal experience of real life friendships I've found people can only take so much of me talking about my problems. I do try to help others the best I can and give back but I always feel like I'm just saying the wrong thing. I do try to take all responses on board but my mood gets the better of me sometimes - that's why I'm worried I might have some kind of personality disorder as well as Asperger's. I feel like my personality is 'broken' as I always somehow end up pushing people away.

I was surprised to find that they can't provide free services for adults too. I thought it might be because I live in the southeast, the most densely-populated region of the UK, so perhaps the NAS's resources are stretched? Can anyone from NAS clarify this?

If anyone from the southeast sees this and has received free support for adult ASD then please can you point me in the right direction? Thanks

Laddo,

Well for a start, we are still here and won't stop talking to you! (even if we get on your nerves?)

Can you treat this forum as a sort of free CBT? You don't have to agree and accept anything that anyone says!

Can you look at each response on a thread as a challenge to see how you can find the bright side of a topic. By that I don't mean that you have got to jolly well cheer up but instead treat each response as a puzzle or a problem that needs solving. Most problems, (messages) have multiple solutions (interpretations) and you can challenge yourself to work out all of the different outcomes and then pick which one you prefer.

Given that NAS is a charity I am surprised that they can't provide any suitable free services for adults. Have you called the NAS helpline and talked to someone about your predicament? What area are you in? Perhaps someone from your area on the forum here can help with a pointer in a useful direction if you say roughly where you are.

Why have I stopped receiving emails for replies to topics I'm subscribed to? Anyway, thanks all for your replies and advice.

I have battled depression my entire life, ever since I can remember. There have been many contributing factors including bullying and psychological abuse from my mother (she made me think my Asperger's was just me being insane from an early age) and I am so very tired of it. I know my ADHD contributes towards mood swings too and it's really draining me now.

Marjorie, I have tried antidepressants but they have never worked for me. What I really think I need is CBT or some other form of psychotherapy but GPs never refer me on to it any more. I had 7 sessions when I was 21 and have asked for it time and time again since but all GPs ever do is palm me off with antidepressants. They're general practitioners, not psychiatrists! They need to actually refer me.

Avi, the only resources the NAS website links me to is the Autism Helpline unfortunately. It seems like there is nothing in my area for adults with ASD. I need to move away but have nowhere to go. I'm getting so desperate.

Recombinantsocks, I have tried talking to family and friends but they always just tell me to stop being self absorbed, which just makes things worse. I always ask them how they are but whenever I want to talk about my own feelings, no one has time for me. It seems my life has been nothing but people expecting so much support from me but giving nothing in return and never even appreciating what I do for them. Like I said to Avi, there are no free ASD services in my area and I have no money so I'm stuck.

I don't mean to rant but I'm approaching breaking point, fast. It has happened before and I am familiar with all the warning signs now. I'm scared...

Hi Laddo,

I think the next thing to do is for you to talk to someone. It really is good to talk to someone who has time to listen. Are there any local services (NAS or NHS) for ASD people? Other organisations, such as the Samaritans and churches, will also make time for someone who needs to talk.

Hi Laddo,

Sounds like a very challenging time for you... Stress and anxiety can be unfortunate symptoms of being on the autism spectrum. There's been some great advice shared here but don't forget you can also check out our website for lots of resources that may help.

Take care!

Avi
Moderator

Hi Laddo, Do try antidepressents if you feel that bad. If you get your mood  back to normal, you will be able to tackle the diagnosis issue better. 

I lash out at my husband, verbally when stressed. He stresses me, by not understanding my need to do things my way and have time alone. I used to think I was unreasonable, but these are just AS traits. 

I have also been tearful about being autistic. I used to think I was mentallyill, now I am just different. It helps in some ways, but in others, it's a devastating shock. It took me over a year to speak about it at all. My husband has not commented, as I have spent 20 years looking at different option. He probably thinks this is the latest crank idea. 

Depression can affect anyone, so don't struggle on alone. 

It sounds to me like stress/depression. My first guess is that this might be the accumulation of years of stress as a consequence of living a conflictful life due to the autism but it may be something else.

As I said before, it may be worth trying to find an psychiatrist/psychologist that specialises in autism. Perhaps the NAS helpline can help you with this search as it sounds quite urgent? (I've flagged for moderators assistance)

I now have another reason to suspect more than just autism - I'm experiencing a horrifically low mood, am close to tears, over absolutely nothing. And I mean nothing. In my head everything is fine. I've had a good day, nothing is particularly troubling me and yet I feel like I'm going to completely break down in tears at any moment. I hardly ever cry so this is rare for me. The worst thing is I've lumbered myself with four weeks' work experience with the Jobcentre so I can't even go to the doctors until December. I'm going to end up being sectioned if all this keeps up

I've resorted to Tony Attwood "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" 2007 JKP. He has a section page 341-343 "Can asperger's syndrome be confused with schizophrenia?"  I've summarised...

A person with AS may develop what appears to be paranoia, but this may be a response to real social experiences - including deliberate and provacative teasing by others - this can lead to children, and I guess adults, perceiving it as a sustained attack. This leads to long term feelings of persecution.

Certainly I'm prone to this and I get very wound up about it, but often on trying to find out why, it appears mostly I've imagined the intention, and its just someone's warped sense of humour at a passing moment.

Attwood links this to Theory of Mind, not being able to properly read the intentions of others. He carried out various tests which showed that it was theory of mind which made people on the spectrum appear paranoid.

Another factor is thinking in pictures, which is less effective than thinking situations through in words, at detecting what others are doing via conservation. Apparently some adolescents on the spectrum suddenly start thinking in words, under stress, and being unfamiliar with the concept, think they are hearing voices.

Attwood is less clear on BPD but does mention it when discussing autism based depression. Also it is possible for people with autism to develop schizophrenia.

This might not be directly helpful but it is pointing at the likelihood that autistic spectrum triggers forms of paranoia and BPD that are strictly autism derived. All the same there are risks, and you might need to seek professional advice.

That's the thing though - I've known I've had Asperger's for the past 16 years and in the past three I have been experiencing things in my head that have never happened to me before. I've researched both Asperger's, bipolar and BPD fairly extensively over the past year and my symptoms appear to fit some kind of personality disorder on top of the Asperger's. I am very lucky for someone with ASD in that I can hide my autism exceedingly well if I really put my mind to it but these other traits - the unexplained mood swings, lashing out at loved ones despite my conscience telling me not to, increased energy and lack of need for sleep - are uncontrollable at the moment.

I agree that CBT is an exceptionally good method at managing various conditions including autism but getting referred to it is like a lottery. The NAS, NHS and government all act like getting help from a GP is straightforward but often it's not. GPs are exactly what their name describes them as - general practitioners who are have a general knowledge of many health conditions but not expert knowledge in them. Unfortunately, a lot of them try to diagnose everything themselves and don't give referrals. Whether this is their egos, the NHS's dwindling budget or a combination of the two I don't know, but it is very bad practice

My personal opinion is that drugs are a last resort. If nothing else has improved a condition and the drug has enough benefit in the individual concerned, compared to any side effects, then I would consider drugs. This is a fairly stringent set of terms and I suspect that we probably agree, more or less, on this matter.

I read your original post as suggesting that you feared that you had bipolar and I was trying to suggest that, although bipolar is what you suspected, it might just be your autism's consequential manifestations. I was trying to suggest that the best approach would be to deal with the autism consequences rather than trying to treat the bipolar symptoms with meds. I'm not an expert so I don't know whether you can treat bipolar without drugs.

My personal recipe for dealing with the consequences of autism is to get to the root of the autism and understand it to the point where you can change your thought patterns by training and education to the point where you don't suffer the excessive swings that our dichotomous thought processes lead us into. i.e. I very much believe that CBT is the first line of attack in treating the consequences of autism.

I, personally, don't feel the need for my autism to be 'cured' so I don't believe that those organisations that want to cure everyone's autism should apply that approach to me. I can see, however, that some people's autism is far, far worse than mine and that for some individuals, and probably their parents, some sort of a cure is desirable.

You have a lot of choice in this. You can freely choose to not take any drugs prescribed for you (unless you are sectioned under the MHA). You are free to have an opinion on the matter - the things we say on this forum are only advice and I try hard (not always successfully!) to avoid arguments.

I am grateful for you raising the questions about ResearchAutism - I wasn't aware of this and my gut response is to be against people who want to rid the world of our pesky genes.

My reading of the article itself was that it didn't have any bad overtones and I also read it as suggesting that bipolar symptoms might not be actual bipolar and that drugs were therefore less likely to be effective. They allow the possibility that you can have autism and bipolar but I read it as suggesting that this combination is less likely than the current prescription rates would suggest.