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What could be wrong with me?

Laddo

Firstly, I'm just going to say that I don't think that this is an alternative to seeing a doctor or psychiatrist. I just want some advice.

Along with Asperger's and ADHD, I have suffered from depression and anxiety since early childhood. Now I am beginning to think there is even more going on in my head. I have very frequent mood swings where a very good mood could be totally ruined at the slightest thing. In fact, my mood only seems to get really low following a really high point. The past three years in a row, I have gone through a crippling period of extreme anxiety, social phobia and depression around April which will last until June or July. During these episodes, I try to reach out to all those closest to me for help but it never feels enough to me and I begin to lash out at them. I always regret it afterwards - it's like I become a different person when I melt down. Most of the time the advice is no more than 'Things will get better' etc which is pretty useless advice but I know they are just trying to help. I will also be chronically unmotivated with tiny bouts (usually when I'm trying to sleep) of feeling very motivated.

So many different diagnoses seem to fit what I'm going through - sometimes I think I might be bipolar, sometimes borderline, sometimes PTSD with repressed memories - but whenever I express these concerns with a doctor, I ALWAYS get the usual 'Oh, I'm sure you're just depressed. Let's put you on some anti-depressants and see if they work. Don't be too alarmed if they make you want to kill yourself'. I never get referred for counselling. As well as this, when I'm going through an episode of social phobia, the last thing I want to do is have to keep making endless appointments with my GP just to be put on another type of anti-depressant. I hate doctor's surgeries, can't stand sitting in the waiting room. It always feels like the other patients are staring, which then makes my social anxiety worse and by the time I get to actually see the doctor (usually at least 15 minutes later than my appointment time which makes me even more nervous) I am in full fight-or-flight mode and want to get out of there as soon as possible, which in turn leads me to completely forget most of what I wanted to say to my doctor. It's an endless cycle and it's really bringing me down. Five years ago I was pretty happy. Now I'm just a mess of emotion.

Any suggestions as to what could be wrong with me, then? Any tips to be taken more seriously by the doctor?

Parents

  • Hi Laddo, Do try antidepressents if you feel that bad. If you get your mood  back to normal, you will be able to tackle the diagnosis issue better. 

    I lash out at my husband, verbally when stressed. He stresses me, by not understanding my need to do things my way and have time alone. I used to think I was unreasonable, but these are just AS traits. 

    I have also been tearful about being autistic. I used to think I was mentallyill, now I am just different. It helps in some ways, but in others, it's a devastating shock. It took me over a year to speak about it at all. My husband has not commented, as I have spent 20 years looking at different option. He probably thinks this is the latest crank idea. 

    Depression can affect anyone, so don't struggle on alone. 

Reply

  • Hi Laddo, Do try antidepressents if you feel that bad. If you get your mood  back to normal, you will be able to tackle the diagnosis issue better. 

    I lash out at my husband, verbally when stressed. He stresses me, by not understanding my need to do things my way and have time alone. I used to think I was unreasonable, but these are just AS traits. 

    I have also been tearful about being autistic. I used to think I was mentallyill, now I am just different. It helps in some ways, but in others, it's a devastating shock. It took me over a year to speak about it at all. My husband has not commented, as I have spent 20 years looking at different option. He probably thinks this is the latest crank idea. 

    Depression can affect anyone, so don't struggle on alone. 

Children
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