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Starting over at 55. Autism, relationship's and connection

Lonehare12


I’m 55, autistic, and have spent much of my life caring for others like the“I-can-help” robot in Fargo.Robot always pleasing and denying myself.

Therapy helped me understand my autism and my situation within relationships.

Now I’m trying to make new connections and explore friendships and relationships, including aspects of my LGBTQ+ identity.

It feels hard, and I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it at this stage. New social situations can be overwhelming, and I often feel lonely.

But I’m learning that even small steps showing up, reaching out, exploring interests can make a difference.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s faced similar challenges later in life.

How did you build connections or come to terms with your past?

And how do you find the motivation to keep pushing on when the world and people can be so scary.?

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. It helps me feel a bit less alone.

    I really appreciate your honesty and the way you explained things.

    I liked what you said about the florist, it’s comforting to hear how those small conversations can grow into something meaningful.

    It gives me a bit of hope.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you for replying

    It really helps hearing from someone else who was diagnosed later in life. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

    What you said about understanding the past and then living more in the moment is something I’m slowly trying to learn.


    For hobbies, I like running and walking, being out in nature, and doing a bit of sketching.

  • I discovered that I was on the spectrum in my mid fifties too, which was almost ten years ago now. I'm extremely lucky to have a partner and we're both now retired, so I don't feel lonely, but I feel sorry that you sometimes do.

    I think that to come to terms with your past you just have to understand why you did things and why others reacted the way they did, then accept that it is now in the past and move on and live in the moment.

    I hope you find comfort by being part of this community. What are your hobbies?

  • I don't have a solution. But the motivation to do anything comes from within. If it matters enough, then it matters enough to do something.

    Casual acquaintances are not too hard. I now talk to my local florist quite a bit. I spend £100 a month on flowers, so there is some motivation for her, but we talk about all sorts. It started off with a few words, but I tried showing some vulnerability, something I got from a YouTube relationship video strangely, and we now talk about all sorts. I spent about 90 minutes in the shop last Saturday.

    I forced myself to go to local pub and coffee shop his year, but you don't really interact much in either. 

    Since WFH no one goes to work anymore, so it is not so easy to meet new people at work, unless you work in sales perhaps. I still go 5 days a week although I could do it all from home. Some days it is just me in a 2000 sqft office. It is autism friendly I guess.

    Online is not so hard, is better than nothing and is less tiring, but online is not face to face. Meeting real people in the real world for non-trivial conversations is not easy. 

    As the AI put it, you've done life on hard mode and it took 56 years to break, that is not too bad. I've never asked for anything. It is just me against the world. It does of course mean any mistakes are my own, which made blame, shame and guilt a challenge.

    How to come to terms with it all? I don't know. I could not have arrived at this current point by any other route. I would not be the person I now am.

    I think you have to like who you are, accept who you are, recognise your good bits, forgive your bad bits, try to be good, acknowledge the past instead of burying it, find something to look forward to, and realise that for most people it is a grind.

    Everybody struggles. We just think about it more and are therefore more scared to act. 

    How to avoid being taken advantage of if you are too open is a tricky one though.