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Starting over at 55. Autism, relationship's and connection

Lonehare12


I’m 55, autistic, and have spent much of my life caring for others like the“I-can-help” robot in Fargo.Robot always pleasing and denying myself.

Therapy helped me understand my autism and my situation within relationships.

Now I’m trying to make new connections and explore friendships and relationships, including aspects of my LGBTQ+ identity.

It feels hard, and I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it at this stage. New social situations can be overwhelming, and I often feel lonely.

But I’m learning that even small steps showing up, reaching out, exploring interests can make a difference.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s faced similar challenges later in life.

How did you build connections or come to terms with your past?

And how do you find the motivation to keep pushing on when the world and people can be so scary.?

Parents

  • I discovered that I was on the spectrum in my mid fifties too, which was almost ten years ago now. I'm extremely lucky to have a partner and we're both now retired, so I don't feel lonely, but I feel sorry that you sometimes do.

    I think that to come to terms with your past you just have to understand why you did things and why others reacted the way they did, then accept that it is now in the past and move on and live in the moment.

    I hope you find comfort by being part of this community. What are your hobbies?

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you for replying

    It really helps hearing from someone else who was diagnosed later in life. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

    What you said about understanding the past and then living more in the moment is something I’m slowly trying to learn.


    For hobbies, I like running and walking, being out in nature, and doing a bit of sketching.

Reply
  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you for replying

    It really helps hearing from someone else who was diagnosed later in life. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

    What you said about understanding the past and then living more in the moment is something I’m slowly trying to learn.


    For hobbies, I like running and walking, being out in nature, and doing a bit of sketching.

Children
  • in reply to Lotus

    I can really relate to working out what’s right for me.

    I’m still figuring out my own boundaries and choices.

    It takes time to really know yourself and live in a way that reflects that.

    I’m glad this community has helped you, it’s helped me feel less alone too.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    You are welcome. 

    Just to clarify, I am not officially diagnosed, I'm self discovered. Although the GP I saw at the time agreed with my conclusion that I was on the spectrum, he advised that there was not much point getting an official diagnosis as I wouldn't get any support because I was able to work. I disagree with that to some extent, as I know that some people get a sense of validation from an official diagnosis, so I had to make up my own mind what I wanted. After weighing things up, I decided to stay self discovered for now (although the GP did say I could request a referral at a later date if I felt I needed it) I know what I am and had to trust myself.

    That is one example of something where I have decided what is right for me, but there are others such as deciding I would no longer be pressurised into attending a social event I didn't want to go to. It's a process of learning who you really are and setting things up to reflect that. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.

    I'm glad you are feeling less alone by talking with us - this community has certainly enhanced my life.