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Starting over at 55. Autism, relationship's and connection

Lonehare12


I’m 55, autistic, and have spent much of my life caring for others like the“I-can-help” robot in Fargo.Robot always pleasing and denying myself.

Therapy helped me understand my autism and my situation within relationships.

Now I’m trying to make new connections and explore friendships and relationships, including aspects of my LGBTQ+ identity.

It feels hard, and I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it at this stage. New social situations can be overwhelming, and I often feel lonely.

But I’m learning that even small steps showing up, reaching out, exploring interests can make a difference.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s faced similar challenges later in life.

How did you build connections or come to terms with your past?

And how do you find the motivation to keep pushing on when the world and people can be so scary.?

Parents

  • I discovered that I was on the spectrum in my mid fifties too, which was almost ten years ago now. I'm extremely lucky to have a partner and we're both now retired, so I don't feel lonely, but I feel sorry that you sometimes do.

    I think that to come to terms with your past you just have to understand why you did things and why others reacted the way they did, then accept that it is now in the past and move on and live in the moment.

    I hope you find comfort by being part of this community. What are your hobbies?

Reply

  • I discovered that I was on the spectrum in my mid fifties too, which was almost ten years ago now. I'm extremely lucky to have a partner and we're both now retired, so I don't feel lonely, but I feel sorry that you sometimes do.

    I think that to come to terms with your past you just have to understand why you did things and why others reacted the way they did, then accept that it is now in the past and move on and live in the moment.

    I hope you find comfort by being part of this community. What are your hobbies?

Children
  • in reply to Lotus

    I think this is a key point. Finding a way to understand. It is difficult to move on if you don't understand what happened. NT seem to be able to do this much more easily than autists. You need to able to understand enough, you might never know it all, to leave it alone.

    To enjoy good things now and not wait to live is also important. Appreciate what is right and try not to think only about what is bad. 

    It is also important, although hard, to enjoy the journey and not get fixated on the destination. E.g. You have a vision of having someone, living somewhere nice, doing nice things and living happily, but can't see how this end goal is possible so struggle. But there isn't a plan, it depends a bit on chance, you don't know where things will go. So try to find things you will like that might also include meeting people. You still need some luck but at least you are doing things that help you grow and experience more.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you for replying

    It really helps hearing from someone else who was diagnosed later in life. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

    What you said about understanding the past and then living more in the moment is something I’m slowly trying to learn.


    For hobbies, I like running and walking, being out in nature, and doing a bit of sketching.