• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 30 subscribers
  • Views 147 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Stressed out

James.d

Woke up to my ex calling me, has been on and off for a few months. 

Ive been there for him everytime he calls but when I call he don't want to know. 

All he wants is positively and even though we stayed in contacted we would talk about problem going on in our life but he says im too negative recently. Recently I've lost my cat after she died. I'm scared of going back to uni and finding it hard to cope. He said I blame you for handling wrong you can choose to be positive yet your too sad. 

His way of trying to cheer me up was morbid jokes about my cat. Seriously?!! 

He tells me only he can tell me to shush not me to him. Only he can make fun of me not me to him. So one sided and yet this is the guy I seem to only confide in even after splitting up. 

I'm so lost. What should I do? Can anyone relate?

  • That strikes me as a really uncomfortable situation - not one to perpetuate on your ex's terms (who appointed them in charge anyway?).

    Right now; your ex is coming across as anything but a good friend with your best interests at heart.

    You sound like someone with a lot going for you - time to establish some boundaries, re-engage with some things you used to enjoy before your ex started trying to direct your story, and be bold enough to embrace a few new things too.

    You do not need to aim for "perfection" in a new endeavour - just show up, take part on your own terms and see what opportunities present themselves (because they don't tend to make house calls unannounced - that only is the stuff of movie scripts).

    I am sorry to hear you are feeling scared of going back to uni - because that is a potential source of fresh opportunities.  Can you think of anything, or anyone, to help you find some routes through the aspects causing you concern around uni?  Sometimes, it is a collection of different small things to adjust and together they add up to a different perspective.

    For example, I had big problems attending college as the city park & ride bus scenario was really tough going for me (loads of factors).  A casual conversation over a coffee in the college common room with a stranger from a different faculty unlocked that issue for me - as they asked me: had I considered trying the park & ride from the nearby market town into the city centre instead?  I hadn't considered it before that person's question.  A better route, a different bus company and a slightly different age group demographic of fellow passengers.  Still irksome, but much more achievable - the market town park & ride proposition saved the day.

  • James.d said:
    He tells me only he can tell me to shush not me to him. Only he can make fun of me not me to him.

    I would ask him to explain why this is the case. If the relationship cannot be fair then it is by definition unfair.

    He does sound controlling from your explanation but we don't have the full picture here so can only reply based on what you say.

    Personally I would cut ties and stop seeing him to get that toxic element out of my life in spite of the connection and closeness it brings. Find someone (when you are ready) who is better for you.

  • I assume he is your ex for a reason. You need to let go and move on. You are being used. Sorry.

    He is not really your friend.

  • I can absolutely relate, does it feel like he is controlling you?  Maybe you have been depending on him as someone to talk to but he doesn't seem to value you and is taking advantage of your vulnerability?  He has no empathy for you grieving the loss of your cat. I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better.