Crying

Crying can also release oxytocin and endorphins, which can help you feel good, by reducing emotional pain and making you feel more relaxed.

That's very interesting about different tears - I had no idea. 

My Dad sneered at me for crying.  He was from a religious family & years in the Armed Forces probably helped to knock any remaining compassion out of him - at least for his kids.  My Mother was marginally better but you could see her counting to ten - as if she thought 10 seconds of tenderness was your limit.  

Funnily enough my Grandmother - her Mother - was far more understanding - half the time, but I suspect she had bipolar - so it literally was half the time.  My Grandad was a kind man, but believed responsibility for children was a woman's responsibility.

I don't do funerals because my emotions are so mucked up to this day.  I feel I should be upset and can't be - I feel I can only be upset when I am with someone I really trust, or alone - and a funeral isn't the place for that.  I see others crying (almost to order) and I view it as fakery, the way my mind works - sorry to say.  I know I am not the only one with ASD to feel this way, as I've asked others before.  No offence to anyone reading. 

However, I can easily cry over a make-believe film (if my attention lasts) or the loss of a pet.  Simply because I know it is less real, and it isn't invading my personal boundaries - if I am making sense. 

It is strange, but If I saw someone crying - alone - I'd probably regard that as one of the most poignant things ever, no matter who they were. 

I think this is very true. The British are known for stoicism, and many are proud of it. It's seen as a badge of honour to be able to hold it together in times of extreme stress.

At funerals we're encouraged to be strong for <insert name> as if it's not the done thing to show emotion. Someone has died. Why wouldn't we show emotion? What exactly is the point of being strong, if only to further socialise people to bury their feelings because feelings are bad.

In toxic masculine culture it's seen as weakness to cry or feel anything other than anger or rage. Men and boys are often told to toughen up, man up, grow a pair, don't be a big girl etc. This is passed down through family and peers, and as a result we're often not taught to handle emotions in a healthy way, which contributes to male violence and the male suicide rate being so high. 77% last time I checked.

I'd like to hope that in certain demographics and generations this is changing for the better, but there's also evidence of it getting worse too. I'm really grateful that I wasn't a child when I started using the internet in 1996.

Neuroqueer said:

Why have we been socialised to say "Don't cry."?

I think it is all twisted up with the decades following two World Wars and everyone having to put a brave face on to counter adversity - whether on the battlefield or at home.  We need to remember that so many suffered so much loss, and there was nothing anyone could do about it - other than pray that conflict would come to an end.  

Who were you meant to turn to 100 years ago if you were grief-stricken, when your family had the war effort on their minds, or were away fighting - or quite possibly deceased?  

You did literally have to get on with it - even if you were crushed inside.  I guess you could cry, but I think that if someone saw you, the reaction wouldn't be very nice, more often than not. 

Tomorrow is VE Day - 80 years since the end of WWII so it seems appropriate to be thinking of that generation, and what they suffered - but also what their suffering meant for the generations that followed.   We always hear that so many gave their lives so that others might live, which is true (even at the behest of politicians - but that's another matter) - but the human emotional cost for subsequent generations is something rarely considered. 

Telling people to hide their emotions - or that emotions are bad in entirety is foolish and unwise.  It literally stores up trouble for generations to come.  The damage it does to mental health - both of the individual concerned and those they get involved with - is often immeasurable, and society pays a huge price in destroyed lives and futures that people lacking in foresight simply don't consider.