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Hi all, just at the beginning of my journey.

Joebot

Hi there all, my name is Joe. I am 34 years old and I have always known I was different. I never really understood why, but for some reason, my outlook on the world always seemed different from others.

I honestly don't know if I have aspergers, but there was some question about this when I was younger, and it was never followed up. In the last four years, I have met about 6 people who have aspergers, and they have come up to me, and presumed I had it, and just started talking to me as though I have. I have also met peope who work with people with autism, and they have commented that I have all thew classic traits. This is always totally unsolicited.

Does this mean I have aspergers, no of course not. But it did get me thinking.

So I am now at the point in my life where I want answers. Appart from always having difficulties fitting in, I have difficulty maintaining relationships with other people. I have had problems staying in full time employment, and often find it hard to communicate with other people.

I don't know what the future holds, or if I will be able to identify exactly what my difficulties are. But the more I read about aspergers, and talk to people to have it, the more I see that this would explain lirerally all of my life difficulties. Some things are just too specific to be anything else.

Or to put it anoher way, I have always had problems, but the term 'aspergers' in my opinion is the only description I have ever come across that encompasses all of the ways I struggle in life.

My issue is this. I have issues with my doctor. I really don't feel comfortable talking to him. In truth, I always seem to struggle talking to medical profesionals. The irony is, I think that it is my issues with this condition that are causing the difficulty :?

Is there any other way of getting tested, other than to go through your GP?

Anyway, just wanted to reach out and say hi.

Best of luck on your journeys.

Peace

x

  • I just want to reitterate that point. I don't feel that this is going to change my life. I simply want answers. I have had problems all of my life, and it would be nice to  be able to put a name to that. I think it would be a source of some comfort to know that there are reasons for what has happened.

    BUT, it would be nice to meet others who are similar to me, and share experiences.

  • swood said:

    Im 33 and seem to find myself in a similar position atm. I keep coming back to the problem that Aspergers seems to describe me rather well and when I try the online tests I seem to be rather good at them- especially when I answer with what I feel rather than what I know I am meant to say. I dont want to know for the sake of having a badge to wear and I wouldnt cry if I got told that I diddnt have it, I just want to understand things a bit better.

    Talking to my GP seems like a difficult thing to do, in honesty picking up the phone to make an appointment or making a phone call at all is something I get quite anxious about let alone sitting in a room with a person who is really a stranger and having to expose feelings and fears that I try hard to hide - especially when I have a fear that I might ultimately be told that I am wrong or that I am simply mad or something. My logical considered thinking says that this is irrational but my in the moment thinking seems to get stuck with these sorts of problems which is somewhat the problem I need to deal with.

    I have been able to so far get away with hiding things and having strategys to deal with people and events. However I am at a point where I am not sure I can proceed with my life without a bit of help or better understanding of myself and I find it difficult to explain why I need that help or why I have difficulty with some 'normal' things.

    It is nice to read that it isnt just me that has this problem in talking to a GP about it. It sounds silly I guess but reading things and forums the people with a diagnosis seem to have a lot of confidence with their condition and seem much more able to understand how to deal with things or how not to deal with things (to ask for help or for it to be okay to just hide from neighbours or perpetually avoid eye contact with human race whilst having incredibly rewarding realtionships with pets).

    Good luck Smile



    For a second then, I had to think in case I had posted and forgotten. You just described my situation perfectly :?

  • I think most people are very apprehensive before such an assessment.

  • Im 33 and seem to find myself in a similar position atm. I keep coming back to the problem that Aspergers seems to describe me rather well and when I try the online tests I seem to be rather good at them- especially when I answer with what I feel rather than what I know I am meant to say. I dont want to know for the sake of having a badge to wear and I wouldnt cry if I got told that I diddnt have it, I just want to understand things a bit better.

    Talking to my GP seems like a difficult thing to do, in honesty picking up the phone to make an appointment or making a phone call at all is something I get quite anxious about let alone sitting in a room with a person who is really a stranger and having to expose feelings and fears that I try hard to hide - especially when I have a fear that I might ultimately be told that I am wrong or that I am simply mad or something. My logical considered thinking says that this is irrational but my in the moment thinking seems to get stuck with these sorts of problems which is somewhat the problem I need to deal with.

    I have been able to so far get away with hiding things and having strategys to deal with people and events. However I am at a point where I am not sure I can proceed with my life without a bit of help or better understanding of myself and I find it difficult to explain why I need that help or why I have difficulty with some 'normal' things.

    It is nice to read that it isnt just me that has this problem in talking to a GP about it. It sounds silly I guess but reading things and forums the people with a diagnosis seem to have a lot of confidence with their condition and seem much more able to understand how to deal with things or how not to deal with things (to ask for help or for it to be okay to just hide from neighbours or perpetually avoid eye contact with human race whilst having incredibly rewarding realtionships with pets).

    Good luck :)

  • That's good to know.

    Did any of you have similar feelings goig into it?

  • Joebot said:

    I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that somoene is going to turn around to me and say I am making it up, and that I am fine :?

    I have no idea why this is, but I can't shake it.

    Doctors seem pretty good at ignoring me. Hence my hesitence to come forward :? Maybe it is just the doctors I am speaking to in this area. Maybe I need to get another doctor, I don't know. But the last couple of years have been really hard. Been a lot of deaths in the family, and lots of other things that have been hard to cope with. I always find that when a few of these big things hit me at once, I am usually back to square one for aaaages. And my ability to assimilate is back like when I was a child. IE, I can't :?

    GPs aren't necessarily an indication of who you will see at the assessment.

  • Hope said:
    The people assessing me said that this is what often happens with adult Asperger's, but maybe not all 'experts' are so well informed.

    Trust me, they're not!

  • I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that somoene is going to turn around to me and say I am making it up, and that I am fine :?

    I have no idea why this is, but I can't shake it.

    Doctors seem pretty good at ignoring me. Hence my hesitence to come forward :? Maybe it is just the doctors I am speaking to in this area. Maybe I need to get another doctor, I don't know. But the last couple of years have been really hard. Been a lot of deaths in the family, and lots of other things that have been hard to cope with. I always find that when a few of these big things hit me at once, I am usually back to square one for aaaages. And my ability to assimilate is back like when I was a child. IE, I can't :?

  • I would not try to stripourself bare too much, still use the social niceties you have learnt; but of course if eye contact is really painful, you don't need to put on that usual effort as you might normally do because the people assessing you should be autism friendly anyway. Just try and be yourself, within certain limits, and the experts should be able to diagnose you based on the information you are giving them. When I was diagnosed, I still behaved the way I had learnt to behave in social situations, so I was polite and chatted to them. They noted that my social communication and conversation ability was pretty good, but based on all the information my parents and I gave them, I ended up with my diagnosis on the NHS. I did not strip myself bare, and made it clear to them that my social behaviour had all been learnt intellectually over many years, and that none of it comes naturally to me. The people assessing me said that this is what often happens with adult Asperger's, but maybe not all 'experts' are so well informed.

  • Yea, I know, you're right.

    Why do they make this so damn compplicated :? I recently read a statistic that 1 in 50 people are on the spectrum. If it is that prevelant, they really need to mae it easier for people to get assesed :?

    Anyway, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

    Peace

  • All you can do is the best you can.  If they know their stuff then they will see through any social mask.  They should know that autistic adults learn behaviours.  I was unlucky enough to have had a bad experience with NHS diagnosticians (hence getting diagnosed privately in the end) and this is why I give the above advice.  You won't necessarily be as unlucky as me!

  • What I mean is, I am not exactly sure how to do that :?

    You know what it is like, I wouldn't have got to 34 and not ended up homeless and destitute unless I had got reasonably good at behaving like everyone else... I don't even know when I am doing it. It is an automated response. the only time I notice it is when I am not doing it and i have to try and force it. And usually fail...

    I am not even sure how to go about unpicking a lifetime of conditioning :?

    I am fairly sure I could talk about everything that has happened fairly unemotionally, and directly. I say that now, but in the moment.. Maybe ti would be harder. That isn't what worries me.

    What worries me is, these behaviors are just so ingrained into me, that I might not be able to stop, even if I try.

    Does that make any sense?

    I am just worried that I will get no where, and end up slipping under the radar again :?

  • "Strip yourself bare" metaphorically speaking.  Just as in, not adopting that socially expected mask, but the real you.  So e.g. if you find eye contact difficult, don't force yourself as you might normally do socially.  You will be expected to talk about your difficulties, where you feel you have made faux pas, where others might have accused you of being strange/odd/difficult, where you have had difficulties in relationships or employment.  Anything that evidences social communication difficulties.  That is like having to admit your personal failings, which is hard for anyone to do.  Especially if you have spent your life to day defending yourself against other peoples' comments.  At least that's what I found.

  • That is one of the hardest aspects and one which caused me difficulties in getting my AS recognised.  When you have a social persona and have learned how to behave you can forget to remove it when you are facing clinicians and if you are good at it, it will fool even those who claim to be the most experienced.

    You do need to strip yourself bare.  It's an awful, vulnerable position to be in because it's like a computer ignoring it's programming and pretending it never had the program installed or something.

  • Yea, I think I am just going to bite the bullet. It isn't like this hasn't come up before, many years ago. It will probably be in my notes somewhere.

    It is just such an odd concept. I have spent the last 34 years trying to perfect my chameleon like abilities, only to have to tear all that down, just to get an assessment...

    I am so used to doing it, I don't always know that I am, it is sometimes automatic... Which is in most situations perfect... But in this situation, totally wrong :?

  • You could try your GP first. I was concerned about approaching my GP and worried about what I would say. I wrote out why I thought I should be referred for a diagnosis and took it with me to the appointment. My GP did not even ask and just referred me but I felt less stressed knowing that I had the answers if I was asked.

    Whoever does the diagnosis, private or NHS, will be a medical professional so there is no way to get a diagnosis without finding a way to talk to them.

    Good luck and this is the place to come if you want more support and advice.

  • You can get a private assessment through a clinical psychiatrist/psychologist.  Have a look here for some psychologists in your area that you can ask: http://www.bps.org.uk/bpslegacy/dcp