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Relationships

Peter

Now that I've been diagnosed, I felt like it would explain why I've had so much difficulty meeting people and holding down a relationship and that I could now work on it. But I'm still not meeting people, if anything it's got worse. I don't think I'm the most unattractive, I think my dating profiles are decent but whenever I try engaging with them again, I end up in a doom loop and getting a complex about potential flaws e.g. "being myself" but maybe other people can see the autism in me somehow. It's really getting me down as I've never had a long-term relationship, I'm nearly 30 and it's making me thing very odd bizarre and intrusive thoughts about myself. I just want to meet someone but my friends can only offer "it'll happen one day". Any solutions? Or shared experiences?

Parents

  • Don't panic Peter ... Dating Apps are notorious for making people feel like this, Autistic or not. In my view it's CRITICAL to be yourself, and try not to have any expectations (e.g - I need to find a partner in the next 3 months) ... Any relationship, romantic or otherwise, is about how two people get along, and it's not really any more complicated than that 

    And as I heard once ... "Why would you expect everyone else to like you, when you don't even like everyone else" !!

  • in reply to Literal_Joe

    I do think I need to have this drilled down into my head more. I definitely don’t try to contort myself into something I’m not anymore! I just haven’t been on a date in years and most of my friends are in committed relationships. Just want to get past the first hurdle Disappointed

  • in reply to Peter

    Online dating is an easy trap to fall into, as we get older it seems harder to meet people, there are fewer natural ways, no school, college or uni. I've done it and did have some succes, but with the apps now it seems easier to write people off, I know others who've had success too, but many others who've not and have had bad experiences. We're all encouraged to have this tick list of desirable traits and those lists get ever more unlikely that a real person will ever meet the expectations.

    I'd say be yourself, just be authentically yourself, I think people are more likely to be attracted to authenticity than someone who's pretending to be someone they're not. Even if you end up single, at least you're being authentically single than in a relationship trying to remember who you're supposed to be. In relationships there;s no faking it until you make it, because the real you will come out somewhere along the line. Also ask yoursel would you want to be with someone who felt unable to be themselves?

Reply
  • in reply to Peter

    Online dating is an easy trap to fall into, as we get older it seems harder to meet people, there are fewer natural ways, no school, college or uni. I've done it and did have some succes, but with the apps now it seems easier to write people off, I know others who've had success too, but many others who've not and have had bad experiences. We're all encouraged to have this tick list of desirable traits and those lists get ever more unlikely that a real person will ever meet the expectations.

    I'd say be yourself, just be authentically yourself, I think people are more likely to be attracted to authenticity than someone who's pretending to be someone they're not. Even if you end up single, at least you're being authentically single than in a relationship trying to remember who you're supposed to be. In relationships there;s no faking it until you make it, because the real you will come out somewhere along the line. Also ask yoursel would you want to be with someone who felt unable to be themselves?

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