Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone!
I hope this finds you all well. I've been dating a man for the past 6 months....its been on and off because of communication issues, and he has had panic attacks in certain scenarios (ie, crowds, loud music, and a 'black box' theater show). When the panic attacks happen, its often caused arguments.
Honestly, I started wondering if he might be on the spectrum months ago. But, obviously he didn't have a diagnoses yet.
I guess my main reason for writing...is to try to understand how he might be feeling right now. Is anyone out there able to relate and tell me how they felt when they found out their diagnoses (preferably if it came while in your late 30's to early 40's) ? What did you need from your loved ones, and friends? What DIDNT help from others.
I care deeply for him, and I'm not going anywhere. I guess I'm just nervous of doing the wrong thing. Do I ask how he is feeling? I don't want to be overbearing. So do I just go on as normal, and let HIM bring things up when he feels he needs someone to just listen? I suppose some of it will be trial and error....but, if anyone has advice they could give, Id so greatly appreciate it. I want him to know I'm there for him. And I obviously want to make sure he knows I don't feel any differently about him because of it.
Thanks!
Hi and welcome to the community!
The NAS has a great set of resources focused around diagnosis. You - and he - might find them helpful, especially at such an early stage post diagnosis, when it can be common for us to become emotionally dysregulated (eg including due to backward-looking anger, grief, frustration, etc), especially as late-diagnosed adults.
NAS96174 said:my main reason for writing...is to try to understand how he might be feeling right now
In direct answer to this question, this article does a great job of explaining the various factors at play, and includes insights from several autistic people:
NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis
Further articles covering post-diagnosis issues are available here:
NAS - After diagnosis