Published on 12, July, 2020
I don’t know where to begin here but I have just started seeing this guy and I am having some serious reservations about it. We initially started talking a few months back, then we went no contact for a while for reasons I won’t go into here, but we have recently started talking again and now he is wanting to get serious.
Thing is, we haven’t got to know each other that well yet but he is already telling me loves me (it feels way too soon to talk about love for me), that he thinks I am amazing and he will be here for me forever. I am finding it all a bit overwhelming and it is making me quite uncomfortable.
As an autistic person I have difficulty judging these things and I have wondered if it is “just me” or not, especially as I don’t have a lot of experience with dating and relationships for someone in their mid-thirties, but I don’t feel like it is. I also struggle with pretty severe depression and I previously told him I didn’t think I could be in a relationship, but he kept giving me all these reassurances. He has told me repeatedly that he has struggled with being single for seven years and now he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. Am I right in feeling that these are red flags?
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
I absolutely agree! And I was in such situations and ended those relationships.
Miss Understood said:Thing is, we haven’t got to know each other that well yet but he is already telling me loves me
I'm with Mark (formerly Spikey) on this - but you need to consider what you need to get to know about him in order to decide how you feel.
Maybe take some time to write it all down - just do it on post-it notes and stick them on a table to start with then you can order them in importance and once you have the "blueprint" of what you need to know then it will help shape some conversations to have with him over the coming weeks.
It is a process but using this approach helps you guide it and keep the important stuff in mind.
I would also make sure you tell him this is nothing personal against him, but it is the way you process information through your filter of autism and that some patience is needed until you are at the same point as him.
Just go with it one day at a time and don't put any expectations in the way - tell him the same and try to enjoy being with one another and it will help the evolution of the relationship feel more natural.
You will never be the same as neurotypicals but so what - do things at your own pace with your partner being kept informed when you feel it is too fast or when you are ready for the next steps.
And most importantly, enjoy yourselves as much as possible.
Hi Miss Understood.
Autism or not - if you feel things are moving to fast then they are moving too fast. It doesn't matter what other people would do in the same situation. This is about you. You are right about you!
The important thing is that you feel safe and are safe.
He needs to take your feelings on this into account. You should tell him clearly that you have to take things much more slowly. If he can't accept that and is too impatient, then that is a red flag.