Published on 12, July, 2020
HI,
I was diagnosed late around a year ago. I have spent some time unemployed mainly caused by Covid lockdown. However, I have a job in hospitality that I have been at now for about 8 months.
I will preface this with some context:
I got this job through the Autism at Work Programme and though I enjoy the work and most of my colleagues, there has always been some issues with senior management. They were offered training about autistic employees in the workplace several times which they did not take. They were also given my autism profile to help them understand what is helpful to me at work and what is not. In the profile I explained that I have some problems with task switching and that whilst I might not look busy, I am actually processing one task to the next - my boss said he understood this and that I was doing fine.
One shift, I asked my boss if I could go home early (I had about 3 hours left of my shift and had powered through the most of it) because I had a bad headache. He proceeded to shout at me, telling me I was not being a team player, I was letting everyone down and that a headache was not a reason to go home. Then he left the room and told another coworker (loudly) that he bets I won't come in the next day and that I am using my headache as an excuse to be off work. I don't think it was right or fair of him to disclose my medical business loudly so that many people could overhear and also perceive me as being sly and a liar.
On my rota, my days off are Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I have already explained at work that I get headaches from time to time, and that they are made worse by stress and the energy it takes to mask. One Wednesday a few weeks ago, I called in sick because I had a migraine. My boss accused me of taking this Wednesday off so that it would mean I had four days off in a row and that it is 'convinient' that my sick days overlap with my day off. He does not seem to understand that, with the way the rota is organised, ANY sick day I have will ALWAYS overlap with my days off?
This week I was called into HR and completely blindsided by a conversation about how my absences are jepordising my role. I have not had many absences at all - the most was when I had Covid and was told by my boss and HR to not come in and that I had cover, but 99% of the time I like to think I am a reliable employee. They also mentioned that I was not productive - when I asked what I can do to fix this, I was told 'be more proactive and look busy' which is vague and unhelpful.
I am in a constant state of anxiety at work which drains me further. I am looking for advice really - on job coaches, work mentors etc and how to go about getting them. I just want some additional protection at work because I am terrified of being fired. I also feel that I am not being taken seriously about my autism at work because the things on my autism profile and the offered training has been ignored. Anything anyone can advise me of or your own experiences is valuable to me.
Thank you
When I've experienced this kind of thing at work (several times), I've learned that most of their behaviour is projecting themselves onto what they see of your behaviour, which we know is daft, but they think they're right and can't be told they are wrong. They accuse you of wanting 4 days off by taking a sick day in the middle, because that's what they'd like to do. They accuse you of not looking busy because they are worried they don't look busy. Attack is the best form of defence, particularly if they get in first.
My main recommendation is evidence. Keep a diary of sick days, what medication you took, what you did to relieve the sickness etc. Keep a diary of all the attacks on your behaviour and work. Keep a diary of the work you have been allocated, and how you have achieved it, with dates, targets, feedback etc. This will make it easier if you are ever called to HR to 'defend' yourself. I once had to go through 2 years' worth of emails from senior colleagues to prove I had followed their advice, rather than the negative accusations of a colleague at my level who ended up being 'jealous' because I'd been awarded a project he wanted to do.
The second recommendation is to read up/watch videos about narcissistic behaviour, and see if that type of controlling is happening here. It is very subtle, but it will give you insights into how they work, and help you respond in a way that is constructive, but does not fuel their motives for making the arguments in the first place.
Bullying is quite hard to prove, even though it's out there more than we'd like. Are there any policies at work that you can use to support you? E.g. are there clear terms in the absence policy about when management can raise concerns and escalate them to some kind of 'warning' or 'improvement plan'? Can you get any mediation or support from the Autism at Work people, if only to alert them to think before sending anyone else to the same place...