Problems at work

HI,

I was diagnosed late around a year ago. I have spent some time unemployed mainly caused by Covid lockdown. However, I have a job in hospitality that I have been at now for about 8 months.

I will preface this with some context:

I got this job through the Autism at Work Programme and though I enjoy the work and most of my colleagues, there has always been some issues with senior management. They were offered training about autistic employees in the workplace several times which they did not take. They were also given my autism profile to help them understand what is helpful to me at work and what is not. In the profile I explained that I have some problems with task switching and that whilst I might not look busy, I am actually processing one task to the next - my boss said he understood this and that I was doing fine.

One shift, I asked my boss if I could go home early (I had about 3 hours left of my shift and had powered through the most of it) because I had a bad headache. He proceeded to shout at me, telling me I was not being a team player, I was letting everyone down and that a headache was not a reason to go home. Then he left the room and told another coworker (loudly) that he bets I won't come in the next day and that I am using my headache as an excuse to be off work. I don't think it was right or fair of him to disclose my medical business loudly so that many people could overhear and also perceive me as being sly and a liar.

On my rota, my days off are Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I have already explained at work that I get headaches from time to time, and that they are made worse by stress and the energy it takes to mask. One Wednesday a few weeks ago, I called in sick because I had a migraine. My boss accused me of taking this Wednesday off so that it would mean I had four days off in a row and that it is 'convinient' that my sick days overlap with my day off. He does not seem to understand that, with the way the rota is organised, ANY sick day I have will ALWAYS overlap with my days off?

This week I was called into HR and completely blindsided by a conversation about how my absences are jepordising my role. I have not had many absences at all - the most was when I had Covid and was told by my boss and HR to not come in and that I had cover, but 99% of the time I like to think I am a reliable employee. They also mentioned that I was not productive - when I asked what I can do to fix this, I was told 'be more proactive and look busy' which is vague and unhelpful. 

I am in a constant state of anxiety at work which drains me further. I am looking for advice really - on job coaches, work mentors etc and how to go about getting them. I just want some additional protection at work because I am terrified of being fired. I also feel that I am not being taken seriously about my autism at work because the things on my autism profile and the offered training has been ignored. Anything anyone can advise me of or your own experiences is valuable to me.

Thank you

  • Coming from someone who used to do recruitment, I agree with this comment - I don't want to sound like a downer but unfortunately in many workplaces, adequate support for autism isn't provided (even for workplaces that highlight themselves as disability confident). A lot of employers see autism or other hidden disabilities as a hindrance, therefore they would much rather hire an individual who won't cause "problems" so to say.

    The best thing to do (as suggested in the comment above) is to arrange an exit strategy and also keep written records of any instances where discrimination is taking place. That way, your employers can't backtrack on what did/didn't do. Make sure you prioritise your health and wellbeing first, at the end of the day most employers don't really care about your feelings - only what you can produce in terms of results. If your situation worsens, perhaps seek advice from Citizens' Advice or even ACAs.

  • One thing I noticed no-one has mentioned is autism is legally classed as a disability with or without an official diagnosis
    So you have a legal right to make a formal grievance under the disability act.

    Just for info, the disability-related aspect of workplace protection is provided under the Equality Act 2010, as explained in the NAS article linked below by me and one of the mods, along with advice on what do do (including a link to ACAS).

  • Hi I have experienced something similar so I totally understand. I am hoping your situation has gotten better since you posted. I'll leave some advice down below should you or anyone need it.

    One thing I noticed no-one has mentioned is autism is legally classed as a disability with or without an official diagnosis, A disability is something that will last more than a year. It sounds to me they are treating you unfairly due to your disability. So you have a legal right to make a formal grievance under the disability act. The fact they refused to take the autism course says a lot about them as an employer. 

    To raise a grievance you would write a formal letter, which would be to your line manager, if they are the issue or you don't feel comfortable with them then you would go above them, either their line manager or HR.

    If the issue is within your whole building you would go above the most senior person. for example a shop has 1 store manager then assistant managers, department managers etc. below them. If the issue is with the store manager or you don't feel they or HR can deal with it appropriately you then go above them to their line manager which would most likely be an area manager. ACAS are good people to contact for advice if you haven't already, if they feel you may need official legal advice they will tell you.

  • One shift, I asked my boss if I could go home early (I had about 3 hours left of my shift and had powered through the most of it) because I had a bad headache.

    You mention headaches a few times here - do you medicate for them? I used to get them quite a lot through stress (I was a manager so had pressure from both my team and managers not to mention the customers we supported).

    I used to keep a supply of paracetemol and ibuprofen in my desk and travel case so I could take one of each if it got bad.

    Most of my working life was without any tolerance for weakeness like this and about the only thing that would get you sent home was throwing up so medication was a survival mechanism.

    Looking at this situation from your managements point of view I suspect they are already planning your exit and will continue to put you in situations to make you fail until you either leave or do something that will get you sacked. I've seen it too many times unfortunately.

    I would start looking elsewhere now and use your commute to start building your skill set for something you want to do in future.

    The only organisation I encountered that offered coaching or mentoring was the Civil Service but the pay was pretty poor - you may find this a more confortable option for the future as they tend to be more unsdersanding.

    There is a lot of competition for the roles which is why I suggested developing your skills now.

  • Thank you all so much for your replies and so sorry to hear that many of you have also had these experiences, it's so upsetting that employers are like this when it takes very little effort from them to be accomodating.

    I have been keeping a diary for a while and have many incidents logged. Some I have brought up with my boss or HR in the past but have been ignored. One time when I went to HR about my boss and his behaviour, he shouted at me again and told me that he couldn't work with me like this and since then I have felt anxious about bringing anything else up because my job doesn't feel secure. HR's repsonses are nothing short of gaslighting too. I am often told that my boss is a 'people pleaser' and that is why he behaves the way he does. 

    Another point I forgot to make in my original post was that I was told by the head of HR that I am not allowed to take my breaks at the same time any more - I have taken my breaks at the same time since I started this job and been told my my boss that it is fine to do so. These breaks mean I finish late and have a 1.5 hour commute home so by the time I get back, I am exhausted. I don't know why the head of HR has anything to do with when I take my break when my boss who I report to has said it's ok?

    The Autism at Work programme has now closed unfortunately. I was given a list of resources to work with but so far nothing has been as valuable to me than the support I got from Autism at Work. So far, I have drafted a letter asking for some reasonable adjustments which are to be given 48 hours notice before any meetings or informal chats so that I can prepare or, if neccessary, have someone to support my communication needs. Also, I have asked for clear guidance on tasks that need improving other than a vague 'be proactive' as I am unsure how to interpret this. 

    I have also looked into the grant from the government Access to Work - I am not sure if anyone here has used this but I think it would be useful to fund a job coach and a workplace assessment. They also offer 9 months of mental health support which I think would be useful for me because going to work makes me so very anxious.

  • Hello there - this sounds like a stressful environment so I can totally see how it’s causing you anxiety Disappointed relieved 

    You might like to have a look at our guide ‘Support at work – a guide for autistic people’ which you can find here:  
    There is information in the guide about bullying in the workplace which might be helpful, information about the role of your employer and advice regarding what you can do if you think you are being bullied or discriminated against.
    Again, so sorry to hear you’ve been going through this. I hope something in that link is helpful
    and helps to improve the situation.
    Best,
    SarahMod
  • I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through at work. 

    I suggest following the NAS's advice here about recording your experiences:

    What should I do if I think that I'm being bullied?

    The article also includes links to related websites / further sources of advice.

  • I work for a corporation, and I can speak from this perspective.

    First, your experience is real. You are genuine and real, and you are ok to feel. These are things I wish someone spoke to me when I ran into issues similarly at work.

    Now to the HR piece, something to think about is HR is not there for you, not really. HR is there to protect the company, protect the legality of situations, and keep the people in compliance with company policy. I know that is a bleak outlook, but I believe it to be true. One idea I have and advice from someone not in your situation (so modify and apply it to yours as it benefits you) is use this to your advantage. Go to HR and explain your situation to them and explain the legal situation in which your boss has put them.

    Script out, in your head or in writing, what you will say to HR. Exactly how you have detailed it here, explain to HR that your boss has disclosed personal medical information to other employees, and you can ensure that this is against company policy (it should be). Explain how productive you ARE and explain how you have put all this information on your profile. 

    This is scary. This is not something benign, and what your boss is doing and what HR is doing is not right. If you feel you cannot do this yourself, you can find someone you trust to advocate for you. Either way, I would advise going to HR and making the entire situation known. The only story that HR knows is the story that your boss has told them. They do not know your story if you do not tell them.

    There is a real possibility that HR will not comply, or your boss will not comply. From there, you will be left with choices for yourself. You can investigate legal action, you can look to find another job, or you can choose to continue where you are and know what you are putting yourself through. The thing that will change is that going through this process, even if just in your head, you are making the conscious choice for your life. This can be all the difference. You take control of your life and your experience. Do not let anyone tell you your experience is not real or, as I have read just today in a book, that you are an unreliable narrator of your own experience.

    I have been through something similar. It did not play out this way, as the boss went to HR when I became overwhelmed and "lost my temper" on him. The next thing I knew I was in the office of an HR representative, and crying in his office when he cared and tried to find the underlying cause of things, saying to me "It sounds like you feel like you are not valued." I could not stop crying. I was lucky, and things got better for me after that. Shortly after though, that HR representative left the company. Coincidence? I cannot tell you...

    I hope you find your truth, comfort in people you trust, and resolution to your issue.

    P.S. Regarding what others have mentioned, the one thing I am repeatedly told is document everything, write it down, evidence. I started emailing myself notes, which document a date and time along with the circumstances. I was thanked many times when this documentation became needed as evidence of a situation.

  • When I've experienced this kind of thing at work (several times), I've learned that most of their behaviour is projecting themselves onto what they see of your behaviour, which we know is daft, but they think they're right and can't be told they are wrong. They accuse you of wanting 4 days off by taking a sick day in the middle, because that's what they'd like to do. They accuse you of not looking busy because they are worried they don't look busy. Attack is the best form of defence, particularly if they get in first.

    My main recommendation is evidence. Keep a diary of sick days, what medication you took, what you did to relieve the sickness etc. Keep a diary of all the attacks on your behaviour and work. Keep a diary of the work you have been allocated, and how you have achieved it, with dates, targets, feedback etc. This will make it easier if you are ever called to HR to 'defend' yourself. I once had to go through 2 years' worth of emails from senior colleagues to prove I had followed their advice, rather than the negative accusations of a colleague at my level who ended up being 'jealous' because I'd been awarded a project he wanted to do.

    The second recommendation is to read up/watch videos about narcissistic behaviour, and see if that type of controlling is happening here. It is very subtle, but it will give you insights into how they work, and help you respond in a way that is constructive, but does not fuel their motives for making the arguments in the first place.

    Bullying is quite hard to prove, even though it's out there more than we'd like. Are there any policies at work that you can use to support you? E.g. are there clear terms in the absence policy about when management can raise concerns and escalate them to some kind of 'warning' or 'improvement plan'? Can you get any mediation or support from the Autism at Work people, if only to alert them to think before sending anyone else to the same place...

  • I am sorry you have this stress. Your boss sounds unprofessional and a bully.  

    I had to complain about a bullying boss before. I know how hard it is to go through this.  Even days off can be wrecked by work anxiety. 

    I think the advice about keeping a diary and seeing your GP about the anxiety are a good idea. Do you have a union rep? Is there a policy that protects employees from bullying?

    I really hope you are able to resolve this. 

    I hope things work out for you. 

  • Unfortunately I had this problem in the past and was bullied. My advice to write a diary and perhaps make a GP appointment?  Sounds like your boss can't be trusted. 

    In 2019 I had the flu (where I nearly fell down the stairs at home); phoned in sick 2 days in a row, then had 2 weeks vacation and returned to the workplace. Rumours were spreading and the way I got treated (had phone calls saying don't come in as hardly any delivery. I was accused of lying to people and said no to make up the hours); sorry this is a trigger for me.

    I'd ended up leaving and the cowards couldn't accept it.

    Can you write a letter to say how your feeling? If that desperate contact the samaritains.

    Now I go to a voluntary work group.