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Soiling issues

ShaunaB

Hi all, my son is 4 years old and over the last 3 week he has completely stopped going to the toilet for a poo. He has been soiling at school and at home and when he does it there is no reaction from him, he won't speak about it (he does have limited speech and understanding off speech too) and is not bothered by it at all. He is currently in a main stream school as I am fighting for a diagnosis for him and  down to this soiling everytime he does it in school I am called to bring him home as they are not allowed to clean him up. He has also been bullied by other children. Although he doesn't understand this bullying it's really getting to me! Has anyone been through anything similar to this with their child and do you have any advice on what I can do with him to try and get him back in to going to the toilet? (P.S he will go for wee's no problems at all) thanks guys! 

  • I'd just like to point out too that I didn't start doing this until something in my environment changed.  I was in playgroup from about 3-4 years old but I was sent to school when I was 4 years and 5 months old because I was apparently bored at home.  So I went from living on a farm being free with animals, to a very social environment.  I just did anything to try and make sense of my surroundings, anything I could control.  Obviously I don't remember loads from this time but being as positive and understanding as possible about it will help because I only have negative memories about it all that made me feel sad, like it was a very bad thing I was doing.  It's not like I could help it Undecided

    I'm also aware that not all autistic people fear toilets, but it's just a memory I have

  • Hi -I agree that toilets/bathrooms can be scary for some autistic people - there are a number of posts on here about that.  But just to say, they aren't scary for all autistic people - when my son was little he absolutely loved toilets + would check as many out as possible!

  • I have no problem admitting that I did this, and at that age too.  I have a very clear memory of being at nursery and really needing to go poo but I just did it in my underwear.  I remember the toilets were up some stairs, which were quite dark, and the bathroom was very dark, grey, and clinical.  I was terrified of the loud noises the toilet made.

    I can't say for sure if this is the same situation.  I never talked about it because I didn't think anything was wrong.  When you're young and autistic a lot of things scare you so you get used to it.  You don't tell anyone every little thing you don't like or what you feel uncomfortable with.  I hope I've explained that in a way that makes sense.  I made myself quite ill with this though.  I was always on medication for urine infections and I always had spare underwear kept at school for me.  I'm OK with toilets now, sometimes they make me a bit jumpy if it's one I haven't used before, but I still have problems with going for a shower.  I seem to associate the bathroom with a scary place so I can get very panicky when locked in a room by myself having to do something that doesn't keep my mind off things.  My mind starts wandering and I can have panic attacks.

    Back when I was in school they were allowed to clean me up, but that's because they didn't have al the strict contamination rules they have now, but the teachers used to get very angry with me.  Like, grabbing me and telling me what a stupid filthy child I was.  Because I was very unaware socially I didn't really understand what bullying was.  It wasn't until I was about 9/10 that I understood what it was but really the mental damage was probably already done.   I don't really have very many tips unfortunately, just offer an understanding.  Is there anything familiar or interesting you can have in the bathroom or something he can take into the bathroom with him at school?  But, trying to explain something like that to someone who has very little knowledge of the autistic spectrum isn't easy.  He will grow out of it and I haven't suffered any permanent damage from stopping myself from going to the toilet so just continue to be the lovely understanding person you are and you will be fine  :)  

    Toilets are very scary places by the way.  Maybe I should invent an autism friendly bathroom...

  • Bullying is the key issue here. Many people on the spectrum (I appreciate you are still looking for a diagnosis), suffer from bullying.

    Because people on the spectrum behave differently, but most so because they are sensitive to their environment (noise and sudden movements) and may over-react, and because they seem socially naive or gullible, they get bullied by their peers.

    This isn't like conventional bullying with one or several aggressive individuals stealing pocket money from weaker kids. This is where the whole class turns on one kid, and gets off on seeing that kid suffer. It seems to be a human collective response to reject the odd one out, something from our early evolutionary ancestry, where a weak individual is a burden to the pack.

    At 4 soiling isn't that uncommon, and bedwetting could just as easily be a factor. Fear and anxiety might be the cause. Lots of children have these problems, not necessarily with a disability as a factor.

    But the bullying is something you need to watch for. It is a common experience for young people with autism/aspergers, and because such children don't feel able to talk about it, it often goes unnoticed.

  • Hi - I haven't had to deal with a situation like this.  There may be posts if you do a search, also there may be some info you can find via the home pg.  I wonder if the soiling is related to school?  He must be finding it difficult there. When my son was little + he didn't want to be somewhere he'd say he wanted to go to the toilet, which got him out of the situation.  Cd there be a connection similar to that with your son, if he understands he gets to go home if he soils?  Maybe he thinks if he soils at home then he might not have to go to school?  I know I'm probably wrong about all this but the thought occurred so I've mentioned it.