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Household Jobs/Tasks

NAS93655
4 months ago

Hi. 


First time poster here so please be kind. 


My wife and I have hit an issue. In short she does most of the household tasks. I do what I am given to do meticulously however she is quite right in suggesting that if jobs are not part of my routine I simply don’t see and therefore don’t do them. 


Convenient eh ?! 


I can assure you I am not lazy but agree with my wife in that she ends up taking too much on leaving her feeling overwhelmed. 


I am convinced that my ASD plays a part in not doing things if they are not an ingrained habit.

Has anyone else hit similar obstacles and I am interested in practical ways that have proved successful solutions for you guys. 


Many thanks 

S

Parents
  • 4 months ago
    NAS93655 said:
    Has anyone else hit similar obstacles and I am interested in practical ways that have proved successful solutions for you guys. 

    I've been in the same situation as you and thought the same way, but in couples counselling in later years of the marriage it was unpacked and it was me avoiding tasks that I thought were unimportant to me (probably coupled with a generational bias that I thought the chores were not for the breadwinner to deal with.

    The solution we worked out that fitted my autism was for us to draw up a schedule of the tasks showing who and when they would get done.

    Finding the spontineity for things takes some doing and I found that setting reminders to come up with something different (buy flowers once in a while, suggest a trip to something new or even volunteering to take over cooking on a night when it wasn't my turn) was a good way to satisfy my wifes need for this feeling.

    I guess it is a form of masking but treating the advance planning as a mini project makes it much easier to do than come up with something on the spur of the moment.

    Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance is the motto here.

Reply
  • 4 months ago
    NAS93655 said:
    Has anyone else hit similar obstacles and I am interested in practical ways that have proved successful solutions for you guys. 

    I've been in the same situation as you and thought the same way, but in couples counselling in later years of the marriage it was unpacked and it was me avoiding tasks that I thought were unimportant to me (probably coupled with a generational bias that I thought the chores were not for the breadwinner to deal with.

    The solution we worked out that fitted my autism was for us to draw up a schedule of the tasks showing who and when they would get done.

    Finding the spontineity for things takes some doing and I found that setting reminders to come up with something different (buy flowers once in a while, suggest a trip to something new or even volunteering to take over cooking on a night when it wasn't my turn) was a good way to satisfy my wifes need for this feeling.

    I guess it is a form of masking but treating the advance planning as a mini project makes it much easier to do than come up with something on the spur of the moment.

    Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance is the motto here.

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