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Hi from a Newbie

Oatcakes

Hello I am all of a dither so will try my best.

I have always been aware that my lovely partner has had terrible difficulties socially and also is very 'set in his ways'. I have suspected there was an undiagnosed problem on the Autistic spectrum for as long as I have known him (he's 39 now), but as we were always capable of bimbling along in our own way it wasn't ever too much of an issue. He's picked a job he can mainly work alone in so it suits him to a degree.

Problems have arisen for us since the birth of our twin boys (now 5) after which I was diagnosed with a debilitating Neuro problem also both our sons have chronic respiratory problems which leave them hospitalised on many occasions.

My partner as a consequence has begun to suffer with severe anxiety and depression. I cannot do as much as I could before. He feels life is out of control and has really begun to suffer dreadfully.

I spoke to him about the possibility of him having an underlying spectrum disorder and wished I had done it sooner when I saw the relief flood out of him. He is  going to the GP to ask for a referral for assessment tomorrow. Our one son is also struggling to settle in at school and is lashing out and finding everything but the academic side of school confusing, noisy and stressful....so I have instigated a visit from the children's mental health team to discuss the best way forward...I suspect he may be on the autistic spectrum also.

We have looked together at the excellent articles on the NAS site (thank you) but wondered how long it takes to be called for assessment as an adult and what's involved in the assessment..is there a link that I have missed that explains the process in detail? 

The children's mental health team have no idea we suspect there could be an autistic issue with DS so do we voice our concerns or sit back and let them draw their own conclusions? Currently the suggestion is that DS is an angry and sad boy and they are asking if there is any trouble at home with Dad..but from the point of view that he is aggressive. This is not the case but because my partner is unwilling to talk at meetings with the school and 'looks stern' I sometimes feel people in authority draw the wrong conclusions about what he is really like as a Dad. I think if Dad is diagnosed it may help us get our concerns about our son across better.

Can anyone recommend a book on how to help me and my partner work out coping strategies so we can communicate more effectively with each other?

Sorry long one..my apologies..I feel I have quite a few plates spinning on poles and need some extra help keeping everything going.

I am now not sure whether I have posted this in the correct place as I have covered a few subjects!!! Sorry , soory sorry..so much in my sore head to ask about!

 

Kind regards

 

 

 

  • Oh thanks for the reply..I will get those books I have heard of Simon Bowen-Cohen too so will trawl amazon etc.

    You have been very helpful thank you I will keep you posted as to what the GP says to my partner this afternoon.

     

    I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

     

    Best wishes

     

     

  • Hi Oatcakes

    Not sure if I can offer anything useful, but I'll try. The speed of diagnosis as an adult can depend largely on whether there are qualified professionals working in your area. If there are then it should be reasonably quick, if not it may take a while. (My GP took a few weeks just to find somewhere capable of diagnosing me - haven't got an appointment yet though).

    I think diagnosis as an adult usually involves taking a developmental history of what the person was like growing up and some questionnaires such as the ASQ (available online). There may be other/better tests employed, but I am unfamiliar with these. It is worth noting that diagnosing children should be easier as the vast majority of literature focuses on this area (it is a developmental condition) and children have not (yet) learnt to adapt so well to their difficulties.

     

    In terms of books the following might be helpful:   

    Autism and Asperger Syndrome (The Facts) by Simon Baron-Cohen - This is a pocketbook size guide on the basics and covers things like diagnosis, common signs, etc - quite short and consise.

    Solutions for Adults with Aspergers by Juanita Lovett - may be helpful in terms of coping strategies and understanding, particularly the chapters on emotions and marriage in the second half of the book.

     

    Best Wishes to you and your family, hope everything goes well :)