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Sleep & School

NAS88860

Hello, this is my first ever post. I wrote as a reply in another discussion and then realised that maybe I should have posted it as a start.

Our daughter is 15 and struggles to sleep. Melatonin didn't prove effective so she's now on an antihistamine based medication. This is definitely more effective. The problem is, she is absolutely addicted to her mobile phone, but would deny it. She says that she's tried on numerous occasions putting it down and just lies awake, so goes to her phone as a distraction. I should have said that she also has ADHD. Routinely she reports not falling asleep until 1-2am and therefore if she has no commitments she will not get up until lunchtime or early afternoon. 

Our worry is after a long period of not being able to cope at mainstream school or engage in her learning and having online lessons at home at the end of last term, her school have explained that due to all the strategies tried this is really the end of the road. They have been very supportive and tried many different ideas but we all believe that mainstream is just not the right provision for her. 

Sadly, alternative suitable provision is non-existent and our daughter asked to be allowed to return full time. The school were reluctant but she was so angry and upset that we asked that she be allowed to try. She's attended for 3 days successfully which is a huge achievement but in truth we are shocked and on tenterhooks as we're very worried she'll burnout, which she's done before. 

I believe that her anxiety about changing schools (if there was one) means that she is working hard to mask and cope as she is desperate not to change schools or be placed into specialist provision for school refusers. 

Has anyone else experienced this type of sudden (on the surface) improvement? Any guidance would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

  • Difficult to tell. I have managed to pull myself together and act like I was fine and have functioned in a demanding job when I was falling apart on all sides (physical health, mental health, burnout, complete exhaustion). I managed to keep this up for months but eventually just couldn't anymore. However sometimes, when not in an utter state of exhaustion it can also help to get going again and this gives energy, even though it is exhausting too. It really depends on how much energy you have and how much energy you expend- if long-term you are expending more energy masking, and pulling it together than you manage to regain, then it's not good. I would see how it goes- make sure she has plenty of down time. It is positive that she doesn't want to change school. It always helps when you have your mind set on something- I was in the opposite situation, I had an opportunity to change school aged 11 and I really wanted to and that helped a lot. It sounds like going back to her school is what she really wants, so that is already a big win. 

    I can also relate to issues with sleep, I always struggled with mornings, and as a teenager your daughter's age I regularly slept until noon on days off/ vacations. I recently had a lot of issues with insomnia though (only getting 3-4 hours sleep) and I've not really figured out how to improve it- I tried all the logical things (reduce caffeine, audiobooks, meditation etc etc) but I think there are so many factors- I actually recently moved to a place I feel very comfortable in and I am sleeping so well in my new room - not sure if it is because I feel more relaxed and happier or if there is something about the room, the light, the sounds that is better... I also have a tendency to go to my phone for distraction, which is probably not the best- are there alternatives she can try? I find audiobooks helpful (put a sleep timer), though they stopped helping eventually.

  • Could she do some of her lessons out of the classroom? The school SEN team should be able to help with that. Having the option of a quieter environment might help her with burnout? 

    Just a thought.

  • NAS88860 said:
    he problem is, she is absolutely addicted to her mobile phone, but would deny it. She says that she's tried on numerous occasions putting it down and just lies awake, so goes to her phone as a distraction.

    I would consider getting a lockbox that you keep the key for and she has to put it in there when she goes to bed (say 11pm) and gets it back when she gets up (say 7am) - times will be based around when you go to bed and get up.

    The reasoning is that it will remove the access to the addictive apps (doom scrolling is widely acknowledged to be built into many social media apps to keep you on them) then it is one less distraction for her.

    There is a second driver and that is she will want to get up early to catch up on what she missed overnight - a real motivator for people of that age with their FOMO.

    She will probably cry victimisation, abuse etc but if you do it for a month and keep an eye on her behaviour then you will get a good indication how much this affects her - a lot I would imagine - and whether her sleep patterns have improved.

    I would also keep an eye open for a sneaky second phone being sourced by her. Teenagers are famous for finding workarounds for restrictions.

  • What about suggesting she does part time? Like all the important one like math English and science and ones she enjoys and let her skip the rest? I can’t tell if you are uk based but if that’s the case due to her age I’d assume GCSEs are fast approaching? Maybe part time school would be more beneficial? She’d get the rest she needs, without having to do a full day so less masking and not have to worry about changing schools? Surely they’d have an SEN department that could swing something? 

  • Personally, and I know this doesn’t help with any potential problems you may have, the problem is that school is at the wrong time of day for teenagers. It would be better say if the school day started at midday say and went on latter into the evening.